Just another random post

Was scrolling through my Instagam and was staggered to find how fast time had passed. Approximately 5 months had flew by since Taipei, 6 months since my birthday and 10 since Valentines' day. And I didn't even blog about Taipei. In fact I didn't even blog that much during that period of time. What was I doing? I have no idea. Maybe I should briefly blog about my recent Boracay trip soon before those memory fades away, together with the hands of time...

Went for teh tarik just now and something stupid happened. We "unknowingly" left without paying and nobody stopped us. Funny thing was that we stood around the road side of where we sat, chatted a little before walking off leisurely. It was only after 2 traffic lights before my dear cousin realised that we had not paid and of course, being a honest and upright chap, he offered to turn back to make payment. - Did I sound like I wouldn't have done the same? Of course I would :D

Sigh, gloomy December, making me all moody. Oh wait, "it's not you (December), it's me". Haha... ( :

Those Eyes

I see her eyes when I close mine. Those bright & enchanting eyes, like a diamond among the starry sky.

Those alluring eyes. I miss, & not miss them at the very same time, for I see those eyes when I close mine.

Thoughts on a chilly Sunday

Just saw the news on the death of Fast & Furious star Paul Walker. It's truly saddening to know about this on a lovely Sunday morning. Life is indeed unpredictable, may he rest in peace.

Reminds me of the classic quote, "Live everyday like its your last". Well... If I were to do this, I'd be a real nuisance cause I'll definitely want to spend the last day of my life with the one who is constantly on my mind :D hahaha!

A random thought struck me this morning when I first opened my eyes. Few months ago, when I was comfortable with life, I did things that I thought is pretty lame now. For example, I spent so much time watching game play videos on YouTube. By that, I meant watching videos of people playing games. It's because I didn't want to spend money but want to know the plot & storyline of the games. Pretty lame huh? Haha...

& why didn't I spend more time visiting cafes & enjoying coffee(which we both love) with the one who really mattered? The funny part is I find myself doing it so much these days. Well, I'd call this growing through failures, haha! Do note that I'm not having regrets. Because I have accepted the fact that we'd never have worked out anyway.

It's great to have somebody isn't it? I'm sure it is, but the right somebody that is. Guess I'm still in the process of getting used to this loneliness. Having supper, tea break, taking random drive roaming about alone... It's pretty normal right? Yeah... I'll get used to it. Someday. Somehow.

Last day of November

Have you ever felt like you are stuck in your current life? Like every expectation has been set. Oh well, just a random thought.

Been a great week so far. On second thought, there isn't any unique happening either. Oh wait, maybe just Thursday. It's amazing how a single day, or rather a single moment of that day, can make the entire week feels so awesome, hahaha! I guess Friday night was alright as well, chilled out with my dear cousins. They said, "cousins are usually the first friends we have as children...". Real fortunate that I have a tight bunch of cousins. Blessed I'd say.

Cousins night out!

So... It'll be December tomorrow. It's scary how fast these 11 months of 2013 flew by. When will I get employed? Hahaha! Someday in the very near future I hope. Oh, and results were released few days back. Guess I can consider myself a graduate now... & if any of you out there who didn't manage to clear all modules, fear not, because there is little (other than appeal) you can do about it other than simply "grit your teeth" and see it through. I'm sure there will be supportive people around to aid/encourage you. (People like me... If you are worthy :D hahaha!) Peace.

True or false? Difference between love & lust.

"It is easily and often confused for lust. It’s hard to differentiate between feelings, since they’re usually all bundled up and packaged into one little body that can’t make sense of things. But love and lust are different in one key respect: love puts the other first, lust puts the self first." - The Truth About Everything by Brianna Wiest.

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/The-Truth-About-Everything/book-WfM2weQpmE2JTnsABFnIDQ/page1.html

Playing with fire

It's 2am & I don't feel sleepy at all... My mind is filled with stuffs that shouldn't be there.

Don't you wish that we can speak our mind and offend no one, do whatever you like and not be judged, or simply love whoever we want to love & not think about the consequences, outcome or who is going to get hurt, by who? We'd all like to say yes, but probably never find the courage to. Due to society or circumstances.

In the end... We're just living. Just living...

Not bulking, just living.

Was at the gas station earlier on and....

Aunty: "how old are you? Are you eighteen?"

Me: "Twenty-four."
Aunty: "Really? You look young ah."

Me: "Haha... Thank you. Hahaha..."
Together: "Haha... Hahaha... Bye."

Damn! Looking young isn't something men should be happy about right? We need to look mature and firm! Probably due to my height :/ oh well, can't be helped.

Gosh! I've been eating so much recently! Totally failed to stick to my 1 week pre-beach vacation diet plan! You'll see why. And this is only a fraction of it.

Last night's dinner at Sakon Thai. Pretty decent I must say, but it just doesn't feel right eating Thai food in Singapore when you know you can eat the same dishes at much lower prices and maybe better taste at Thailand!

One of the classic Thai dish: Minced pork.

Pad Thai! Nothing to rave about.

Need no further introduction.
I like this, very authentic Thai taste.

Pandan Chicken. Prefer Ah Loy Thai's.
But I was greatly disappointed by
their service sometime back.
So I try not to patron Ah Loy...

MUST EAT! Mango Sticky Rice! I can eat 50 of this!

Bored after dinner moments ago and decided to try out another cafe. Penny University along East Coast Road. Been awhile since I had pie/cake for dessert. In fact, I don't even have dessert that often. Maybe that was why these tasted so good...

$5.50 for this Muddy Espresso.
Real small serving, I could've finished it in 1 sip.
I like how it was served in a jar though.
Little things like this fascinates me :D

French Apple Cake. Tasty!
$6 I think.

Banoffee Pie. $6 as well, I think.
Again.

Approximately 2 days from now. Let's go!

"I don't want to run, just overwhelm me"

Hi, how is everyone copping with post-examination life? (Asking as though I'm expecting a reply, hahaha!) Hope y'all are enjoying it so far! I personally am not. The first thing that comes to my mind everyday when I open my eyes is (other than my love ones, or one), "not another day! I need a freaking job!" I don't know what's the rush, but I can't stand it no more. I can't stand spending time at the gym or any other things. Everything seems to have lost it's flavor.

The only interview offers I received via my employment agency so far are sales and administrative positions, which I aren't too keen on... Starting to think if I should just go for them instead of being all picky :/ I did apply to some jobs that I'm interested in through job search websites, but I guess they aren't too interested in me, hahaha!

Ahhh... That moment when a certain song plays on the radio... That instant nostalgia that probably sent your heart skipping a beat. Or drew a smile across your face. Or did you frown? Haha, music... Is indeed powerful! Can't help but wonder if there is a song that will remind you of me? I wonder...

P.S. Yes, by saying "you", I mean you! Go figure :D
& I created a tumblr for fun! http://hopelesslomantic.tumblr.com hahahaha!

"If you want extraordinary love, you need to fight for it".

Below is an extract from an e-book (The Truth About Everything by Brianna Wiest) which I recently (also accidentally) purchased. She is also a writer with the Thought Catalog. Do purchase this e-book if you like her work. I know it's a wall of text, but I'm sure you'll bring something out of it after reading. True or false, for you to decide. Enjoy :D

"The tides of life won't always bring you back ashore - sometimes, you have to row yourself over. Often, nothing changes until you change it. Nothing is better until you make it that way. There's nothing you're not responsible for. Just waiting around for something to happen, lamenting that it isn't, wishing, hoping, praying for it to change, doesn't always ensure that it will. Go, move, act, speak. Your days are slipping by you, and every day you spend in the mediocre is another you miss in the extraordinary.

If you're seeking the miraculous, keep seeking. Life is unimaginably short and passes even faster than that; there will be enough average things in your life. Don't let love be one of them. Because it's unconditional, life-changing, mind-altering, madly-passionate-sometimes-extraordinarily-difficult-but-none-the-less-just-plain-extraordinary love that you find yourself inherently invested in with every bit of your heart, if it's the person who is there beneath the layers of your heart that you've calloused over through the years - you need to go be with that person. Be with who uproots you and makes you realize you didn't know how deeply your soul could stretch. Be with who loves you. Who really, actually, genuinely, truly, madly, deeply, passionately loves you. And to whom you reciprocate the feelings to as well.

This does not mean be with the person that you most easily get along with. Sometimes, extraordinary love isn't easy (it usually never is) but in one way or another, it is always worth it. So don't mistake the extraordinary for what you're settling for. I know this is an extremely difficult thing to do most times, because when there's nothing really wrong with your relationship there's no reason to wreak havoc and go... except, there is. And that's because the extraordinary is waiting for you somewhere else. In the words of Cheryl Strayed, have the courage to break your own heart. That's awesome if you really like each other and even if everything is swell but yet, somewhere you know, this person doesn't absolutely rock your world, you need to go.

Because you need (and deserve) love that is something of an other-worldy connection, that you can't really make sense of in your mind. Mind-blowing-life-changing-heart-stopping-blood-rushing-miraculous love. Don't settle until you have it, if that's what you want. There is no time for love that isn't miraculous. Get up and leave. Move. Go. Don't hold on because you think you'll never find someone else. If you're even a little bit unsure, leave. Your uncertainty should tell you that at the very least, you need to explore other avenues. And if those roads lead you back, great, if they don't, great. Wanting to leave is enough reason to go. And believe me, one way or another, you will eventually wind up where you're supposed to. Whether it's with some cool new person or back into the arms of the person you left, you won't ever have to question whether or not you should be with them."

- The Truth About Everything by Brianna Wiest.

“Your Perception is Everything"

"I once heard someone say that in writing, and in life, there’s only one story-line, and it’s that nothing is ever as it seems. Sometimes I wonder if this is because everything is malleable. Everything is someone’s perspective of it, most often your own. No two people see everything the same way, so how is there anything definitive, when it’s all a matter of perspective?

It’s the root of fear vs. hope, failure vs. triumph, and so on. Because what is failure other than our own assertions that we’ve failed? And where do those assertions even come from? The ideas of other people? Because their ideas are just perspectives too."
- The Truth About Everything by Brianna Wiest.

Restlessness is getting to me

I can't keep still. I want to go out, but don't know where to go, or what to do. Thought I'd enjoy a laid back day after 3 days of work. But I seems to be feeling extremely restless.

• Read my book at a cafe? Nope, I should stay away from caffeine at night. But it really depends :D
• Longboard again? No, once in a while is okay... Too much spoils the fun! Besides, it's not really that fun playing alone...
• Jog? Nope, it's not even enjoyable, hahaha! (Unless it's with someone special that is...)
• Workout? Already did earlier on...
• Go eat ice cream? Who the fuck goes to an ice cream parlour & eat ice cream alone? No offense to those who actually does though :D

Anyway, took my phone for a swim today. Haha, I wasn't being narcissistic, just trying out the underwater capability of my phone :D or maybe I was. Yeah, I probably was.

This is my SSDD face.
In case you didn't know,
it means "Same Shit, Different Day".

Using my phone in the pool made me feel like a boss! Alright, that's all for today. Going to look for something to do now. Just hope that this is not how I'll be spending the rest of my days before I find a job. Peace.

First weekend since "academic freedom"

Went to Sembawang Park on Friday night because I said that it'd been renovated & we couldn't think of anywhere else to go. The park is so bright now compared to few months ago. No longer creepy, hahaha! Come to think of it, I do have lots of childhood memories in this park. My maternal family used to BBQ there once every few months in the past... Guess everybody is busy in our own way these days. & of course, not forgetting the 2 birthdays I celebrated there... As well as all the crabbing sessions. Good times.

Check out the new playground! It was fun! Especially the slide!

Happened to have some Halloween party that night.

A view of the playground from within.

Cupcake. Or calories & sugar from my POV.

No wonder I look round these days.

The "obstacle course" to the slide.

I love the slide of the playground. It's the tunnel type and approximately 4m high. Yes, I love to be on high grounds: Baiyoke Sky, Taipei 101, love them all! Too much effort to climb up though... They built the path to the slide in a manner of an "obstacle course".

Didn't do much on Saturday. In fact, I didn't do anything worth mentioning. As for today... I found myself reading a book at a cafe that I shall keep a secret because it seems to be getting too crowded for my liking these days (don't mean to be selfish). Oh wait, it's not like people actually read this blog, hahaha!

Just feel that I should continue where I left off (the book I'm reading)... And I plan to continue on from there. I seems to have developed this hobby of reading recently. Especially those that allows me to look at the world through the mind of another. Their experiences, thoughts, values and everything else that they penned down. May not necessary come in the form of a book though. The internet does provide a huge library of reading materials that can satisfy this need. But I really shouldn't look at the screen too much, haven't been taking care of my eyes ):

Alright, that's all for now. Remember to start crafting your resume & have them sent! "Time & tide wait for no man". Peace.

If I could steal you away I would... & I will steal you away

If I were to be a clothing brand, I'd be Undefeated.

So I went for my first interview today. The first step into the "real-world"? Maybe not... Now that I'm here, I actually wished that my "real-world" started on the day I received my O-level results. Oops, no more talks on "regrets"! Haha... My point is that I was too short-sighted in the past. So young ones, remember, it's always good to have goals, but "a goal without a plan is just a wish". (Can't wait to impart all these wisdom to my children, if I'll ever have any that is, ahahaha!)

Back to the interview: got to admit that I wasn't prepared, & of course, got owned. Haha, didn't expect interviews to be like this though. Well, I'm fresh and green, or rather I was, because I definitely gained some insight from this experience... However, being fresh & green is a bad excuse for this failure, I must buck up!

Still level 1, but I'm on my way there.

I guess it's good to meet some tough interviewers at the start (maybe they aren't tough, just that I'm too noob, hahaha). And I know there are tougher ones out there, but at least I now roughly know how to react next time if meet with similar situation.

Got to man the fuck up! It's a cold and harsh world out there! Hope I can manage the next one... Good thing I have awesome and supportive friends who I know will always get my back, especially those who provided me with valuable advices, aided me with my job search & wished me luck! Thank you all! (Particularly the clovers, big thanks) ;D - Why did I sounded like I already secured a job? Hahahaha! Long way to go!

Do nature really take its course?

Sometimes I really wonder why do I write down my thoughts and shits here. I mean it doesn't solve anything right? Oops, that's my realism acting up again. Haha, guess everybody needs to rant sometime, be it to another or at some place.

Realised that I tend to get excited over little things before further clarifications. And this has probably lead up to much of the disappointments I had in life. Maybe I'm overly optimistic... Haha, didn't know being optimistic can be a bad thing. Oh wait, overly is the problem! Remember? Too much of anything is no good! Haha... Actually, I'm not even sure if I'm an optimistic person to begin with :D

Sigh, I'm so confused. Things could've been so much simpler... Oh well, "could've been", "if only", screw these words! I shall grab myself some coffee! ... Maybe not, else I might end up counting cows tonight :D

"Life's a game made for everyone. And love is a prize."

It's over

So it's finally over. Took my B2B paper this afternoon. Feels easy, but I'm not sure. I mean we can never be too sure in life can we? All I can say is that shit happens. Haha.

So what's next? Find a job, work, earn some money, then what? Travel the world, buy nice cars, maybe a house few years down. Then what? All these mean nothing if there isn't someone worthy to share it with. A soul mate, a companion who we can share our happiness & joy, sorrow or grief with. Reminds me of the song "If I ain't got you" by Alicia Keys :D

Don't know why I'm having all these thoughts all of sudden. What does it takes to know if someone is truly "the one" for us? I guess it isn't simple & time is probably the only way. The risk involved is huge though, because time, once gone, will never return. But that is what growing up is about right?

Seems like I still have lots to learn & experience in life. How naive & silly (:

Is boredom all that awaits me?

Alright, we're done with Strategic Marketing. Left with B2B, which will be on this coming Tuesday. Not much confident with my Strategic Marketing though... Insufficient time and I hope my answers weren't too descriptive (considering that the professor is expecting analytical answers). Oh well, what is done is done. B2B... Sigh, feels equally lost.

I really wonder what awaits me on the weekends after all these are over. The thought of it makes me feel so lonely... But thinking back, wasn't I on my own for around 21 years of my life?  Haha... Yes I was & still am. So I guess I'll be just fine... Maybe I should stop thinking so much. Who knows, my job might requires me to work on weekends, or I'll have colleagues to hang out with! Hoo-ray! Or I might just run into the girl of my life tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow. Or the day after, after tomorrow. Or the day after, after, after tomorrow... Or the day after... ... ... ... ... ... ... Wait, why am I sounding like I have no friends? Hahaha!

Approximately 23 days away from paradise! Can't wait!

"Sometimes in life when you get what you want, you end up missing what you left behind."

What do you do when you feel like crap?

What should I do when I feel like shit at such hour?

• Drown myself with whiskey?
• Go for a night jog, walk or cycle? - No, it makes me feel more alone.
• Ask friends out to chill? - No, it'd be weird cause I have nothing to say.
• Study? - No mood. I know, we won't accomplish anything if we only work on days we feel good. I know.
• Write a FB/Twitter status? - Haha... I'd like to. But it's pointless. 90% of the people doesn't care & the other 10% are glad that I feel like shit. Is that it? Haha... Although I still do sometimes... & I should stop...
• Cry? - Later when I'm on my bed, cry myself to sleep. Haha.
• Write a blog post? - Yes, I need to rant, complain, confide, whatever you call it, to this cyber space because it won't give me any advices that I already know. Maybe you are thinking why don't I make this private? I don't know either, should I? Maybe some part of me wants to share my thoughts and feelings... Or simply because I need some fucking attention. Yes, it must be the case cause I realised that I didn't blog much when I had the full attention of someone until few weeks back, which was when this blog came back to life.

& why do I feel like shit? Cause I kind of took a ride down memory lane today. Too many places for me to handle in a day I suppose...

I didn't really think of myself as a victim. I just see myself as a man who lost something valuable & I don't blame anyone for it. I just wish that I can feel/be as happy as I was before I lost that something... That's all. But how is the question... (I know, we don't get what we wish for, we get what we work for.)

Anyway, went to Yahava this afternoon for some quality flat white. You don't find flat white in Starbucks or Coffee Bean because it's originated from Australia & New Zealand (the other 2 from the USA - duh).

Haven't been there for awhile...

Went to this Ssikkek Korean Grill BBQ located at the basement of Novena Square for dinner. An impromptu decision. Yes, I know I'm tight on cash, but... I still went ahead anyway, haha... Was $28 after GST and service charge. Decent place I must say... Reminded me of that time when we had the Hotpot Culture at Marina Square.

First round.

Sliced beef!

Wrap the meat, apply the sauce & yummy!

I know, this doesn't look appetizing at all.

Chicken wrap. Yes, looks like crap too due to my poor wrapping skill.
But the chicken is very well marinated.

Don't know what meat is this... Just eat!

Cooked beef slice. I know, looks like tree bark or skin of some reptile...
Probably due to my poor photography skill this time.

Cook this rib-eye medium rare. Taste great.

Was a real quick day for me, over in the blink of an eye... Oh well, nothing else to say, goodnight.

First time in 3 years.

Today is the first time in 3 years that I did not see her for an entire week or 7 days. Oh well, there is always a first time for everything right?

Why do I still think about stuffs like this? Have I not gotten over it? Sigh... Guess it's not as easy as I thought. Feels so pathetic...

Moving forward but still miss the past a little

10 days to Strategic Marketing and 16 to Business to Business Marketing papers. I am so not ready. Hope I'll be by then. Can't believe I missed out on some of the reading materials, will be going back to school and have them printed tomorrow.

Was digging through my drawer just now and found this Neoprint.

Hahaha... Brings back memories don't it? Remember this was taken during a Chinese New Year shopping trip at *SCAPE. Seems like what I posted few days back was true.

"Most of the time, I let myself forget, because it's easier. But then I find something... ... And the full weight of what's been lost comes crashing down on me."

Well, I'm sure I have moved on because this feeling is very different from what I felt few weeks back. Like when I see people post stuffs on FB about Taipei or some places we had been to, I do think about the moments when we were there. But I don't feel sad. I just... Kind of miss those moments, and at the same time glad that they happened. It's like a bitter sweet emotion I guess...

To be honest, I'm kind of afraid... Afraid that I'd go back to those days before I met her. Those empty days... Just living... Haha, guess it's good that I know of this 'fear' right? Then at least I can do something about it (:

Current priorities: Clear the examination! Get a job with decent prospect! Make it to and back from Boracay!

It's worth it.

Woooo! My Ultimate Ears Mobile Boombox is here! Time to enjoy some quality music :D

Last lecture of Bachelor Degree

 "It might be the final lecture, but definitely not the final lesson in life."

So today marks the end of my journey as a student. Well, it's not exactly the end, still have examination for 2 modules and 1 project to clear. But on 10th of October 2013, I attended the last lecture of my university life. From here on, we should only cherish the memories we had, the laughter, the fun and the little moments. From here on, we should keep moving forward. The endless opportunities out there awaiting us, seize them all! (:

Great picture. Stay tight!

We've come a long way my friends. Oh wait, 2 years plus aren't that long right? Haha... Guess I'm real fortunate to have met all these great people out of the entire cohort. Or maybe I didn't know them well enough to see their dark side? Hahahaha! Just playing...We all have a good heart. We do. May everything goes well for all. Peace. (:

New phone: Xperia Z1

So I finally got myself a new phone. Still trying very hard to get used to it. Feels great to have a larger screen! But it's kind of bright, despite adjustin the brightness to the lowest. And I'm writing this post with it! Haha!

So switching to android means goodbye to the game I used to play, Hayday. It wasn't just a game for me though. It was a bridge between someone very special and me. But I guess it's time to move on... And not forgetting Sims 3 of course :)

Somehow I miss the feeling of how I used to crack my head every Saturday and Friday nights, trying to think of places to go & things to do... But still ended up hanging out with our friends, doing nothing but chill in the neighborhood most of the time... Yeah, thinking back,  guess I was quite a failure, haha...

I want to sleep, but I can't... Bio clock is so screwed up... And this stupid fullstop button is so near to the space bar button, making me hit on the dot so much! Haha! & I seriously need to stop using my phone in the dark!
(oops, title didn't quite fit, only 1 paragraph out of the 4 is about the phone, ahahaha!)

All you ever want to say to an ex you really love

It's probably too small to read, so I typed it all out below.

http://favmy.com/2013/09/28/photos/1380383288/

"Hey, I know we haven't seen each other or even talked, in a long time... 
But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I want you to know that I miss you. 
Not like "I regret what happened" or even "I want to see you again." 
Just... "I miss you." Full stop.
It's strange to think that someone I used to know so well is now a total stranger... 
That I sometimes go entire days without thinking of you even a little. 
Most of the time, I let myself forget, because it's easier. But then I find something... 
An old letter, or a picture you drew, slipped in the pages of a book I haven't read in years... 
And the full weight of what's been lost comes crashing down on me. 
But this isn't regret. We had reasons for ending it, and they're as valid as ever... 
But back at the start, we didn't need reasons for anything. It all just happened. 
We didn't have common interests, or similar goals... We didn't even really get along that well. 
But we didn't need a reason to fall in love. We just did. 
The reasons came at the end, and everything that's happened since has been all about reasons. 
And that's good. It means one day I might find someone I won't have to say goodbye to. 
But a part of me misses just loving someone, and knowing they love you back, and that's all. 
I guess what I'm saying is, I hope things are good with you. I hope everything is great. 
I hope you found a love that's all the things ours couldn't be. And I hope I find that too. 
But a small part of me hopes that you still remember what it was like before all the reasons..."

This brought a lump to my throat. Haven't felt that for a while... Guess things can never be the same. It's a strange feeling, like I've moved on, but still miss her. Or does that means I have not?

Neck injury & phone to change

Hi! It'd been awhile. Currently at the project submission phrase and soon examination in the end of October. Haven't been doing much recently, just chilling with friends here & there... Waiting for school to end, earn some real hard cash & get on with my life...

I seems to have injured my neck few weeks back. It is causing immense pain to the back of my head when I exert strength, like my brain is being crushed or something. So I'm actually forcing myself NOT to hit the gym for a week. Haha, some people drag themselves to workout while I'm having a hard time trying to do the opposite, what a joke.

Oh! And I'm having trouble deciding what phone to get. My contract has expired since June... Planned to get iPhone 5S, but... Find it kind of boring... You know, like relationships, we need a change sometimes, ahahaha! Just kidding, if you know me, I'm the devoted as hell kind of dude :D - self promotion.
On a serious note, I'm looking at the Sony Xperia Z1 or the Samsung Galaxy S4. Z1 has not been officially released, so we shall see how it goes...

I hate doing project, reminds me of the past. Fuck.

"I AM HARDWELL" at Fort Canning!

Last night was a blast! Went to "I AM HARDWELL" at Fort Canning with some of my friends. Was my first event at Fort Canning and the atmosphere was insane! DJ Dannic kicked off the event at 7pm, followed by the main-man Hardwell at 9pm. All the jumping, screaming and arms waving... I think I burnt 1,000 calories in those 5 hours man...The amount of sweat was almost equivalent to when I play basketball, haha!

So we were in the crowd raving and it got so warm that I took my top off, and the funny thing is when we squeezed out to get more drinks, my singlet was gone! My newly bought $10 singlet from Cotton On! Hahaha! And there was 1 part where I jumped so much, plus the dehydration from liquor and sweat, I actually got a cramp on my left calf! Hahaha! But it was too uncool to ask for help or sit down, so I simply stopped moving, stretched while standing and waited for it to go away, hahaha! Took about 40 seconds!

In the crowd!

We were so drained towards the end of Hardwell's set! Good energy!

Me with the babes of the night!

Imagine all those hands waving with the same beat & rhythm,
yes, that was how awesome it was.

Went to Zouk after party but was simply too drained and dry to party hahaha! Just hanged a little before heading... Great weather, great music, great company, what more can I ask for! Remember the night, cause that's how it's feel like to be young & free! Peace!

Why do I workout so much? No idea

Hello, this is going to be the first blog post of my "new" life. & of course it is going to be about one of my hobbies :D

Sometimes I ask myself, why do I train so hard, I'm not even inspired to make it a career, like being a bodybuilder or personal trainer. Haha, I guess there is only 1 answer, working out has become part of my life, it's a lifestyle. A quick workout (including travel time) can take 1 hours 30 minutes, a longer one with 2 to 3 friends might take about 2 hours. Time like this is something I can afford to spend since I don't watch TV, don't watch television series/dramas online and don't play computer games.

Anyway, just had a great chest workout. This supplement below is the real deal.

I took it at 1620 with an almost empty stomach (only had fruits and 500ml soy milk at 1330) earlier on and it significantly improved my msucle endurance, not cool story guys.The only down side is when the caffeine effect lay off in about 3 to 4 hours, you'll feel the tiredness all at once, hahaha!

• Incline dumbbell press
• warmup: 12kg - 12 reps
• set 1: 20kg - 12 reps
• set 2: 22.5kg - 10 reps
• set 3: 25kg - 8 reps
• set 4: 32.5kg - 7 reps (assisted)
• Normal dumbbell press
• set 1: 22kg - 12 reps
• set 2: 25kg - 10 reps
• set 3: 32.5kg - 8 reps (assisted)
• set 4: 35kg - 6 reps (assisted)
• Standing incline & normal cable fly
• forgot what weight, just the usual weight we always do.
• Overhead pull over
• set 1: 20kg - 12 reps
• set 2: 22.5kg - 10 reps
• set 3: 25kg - 8 reps
• set 4: 32.5kg - 6 reps (assisted)
• Chest dips
• set 1: 12 reps
• set 2: 8 reps with 12kg addon
• set 3: 7 reps with 12kg addon
• set 4: 7 reps with 12kg addon

Then we went on to do 1 more triceps and decline situps before calling it a day. Usually I'd just stop at the 5th exercise, but today... Even now, feels like I haven't trained enough! Hahaha! Oh, another reason I train, so that I can sleep in peace at night :D hahaha! 走火入魔！

Welcome

Hi people who flocked here to read at my emotional posts. Please continue to visit this humble blog of mine. I'll try to reduce the amount of emotional posts in the future. Will definitely try to keep it as interesting as possible.

Thank you for the support in advance. & thanks for clearing my doubts.
P.S. I still insist that I didn't twist any facts though  :D

Still wondering

Guess nothing matters anymore. Sorry for all the nonsense. Just be happy (:

Every night since 6 weeks ago, I lay on my bed thinking about random, nonsensical things. But all of these things are of course, branched out from the same root.

I can't stop thinking about what does it means by "unable to communicate" with each other. What does couples of almost 3 years talk about other than current events like church scandals, things the government said, things that happened to our friends, what they did or said?

What exactly is heart-to-heart talk? I mean we spent much of our time together... We share the same group of friends, university or usual hangout clique... Who do I talk about if not them? She wanted me to talk about my 心事 and I said I have none. Guess I should have said that my biggest 心事 is the fear of you leaving me for someone else. Hahahaha!

Hobbies? Yes, maybe I should have took up photography, baking and Muay-Thai, then things might not have ended this way. She said that I always talked about stocks and investments. I mean that's something I do and I was merely sharing it. Isn't that communication?

And what hurt & set me pondering the most is when she told me that the way I treated her is no different from how I treat my female friends, who are also her friends. What the fuck is this? Did I care if they were tired after work or physical activities and went to pick & send them home? Did I worry about if they have gastric? Did I ever gave any fuck if they had lunch & bought lunch for them? She was the only person in the whole fucking world I ever said "I love you" to and she told me the way I treated & spoke to her is no different from other female friends?

Guess it's all excuses, lousy excuses. But it's okay because I know that the only reason is that my time is up. Who doesn't like new excitement to spice up their mundane life. Or maybe she's right, I can't communicate with people. I'm a fucked up uncaring introvert who keeps everything to myself. I really wonder if being with me is such a torture & caused her so much unhappiness. Hahaha! Oh well... Shall end by wishing her happiness. Peace.

Guess we had a rather unhealthy relationship

"Wanting to spend time with your partner is wonderful. If you didn't want to spend time with them, there would be a problem with your relationship. But, a relationship isn't exciting when you don't have new things to share with your partner. When you spend time apart, you are able to come home and tell your partner about your day. But, when you spend every moment together, you have nothing new to share with each other. You may also notice that the joy of spending every moment with each will begin to wear thin. This is because each partner will enjoy different things. Yes, you will have common interests, or you wouldn't be together. But, women may want to watch chick flicks, while men want to restore and old car. The time you spend apart will be rewarding. But, if you don't spend time apart, you could ruin what you have. To put things simply, you have to be able to have fun on your own before you can begin to enjoy having fun with someone else. Depending on someone else for your happiness is not healthy.

Okay, now that I've explained some of the downsides of spending too much time together, let's move on to what you can gain from spending time apart. First of all, spending time apart allows you to never take your partner for granted. When you spend time apart, you have time to actually miss your partner. Even if you just work at different jobs, it will be rewarding for your relationship. When you get home at the end of the day, you will have so much to share with each other. There is an old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." When you spend time apart, you ache for your partner. You long for the next moment that you'll be together. This is something that can only be achieved through spending time apart." 
- Amy Brantley

Going to school, attending lessons together, hang out with same group of friends, seeing each other at least 5 days a week, doing every shit together... No wonder... Feels kind of pity & unfair, but... Oh well... Wish I can turn back the hands of time... Haha... Guess her next one might just turn out pretty well  (,:

The right wrong person

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way.

But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

–Galway Kinnell

I'll learn

Don't know why, but I feel horrible today. 
She is all I think about the entire day. Can't seems to get her out of my mind. I can't stay at home. Because my mind wanders to where my heart is when I'm home. But I have nowhere to go. I don't want to go out alone. And I don't want to trouble people.
My right temporal hurts like mad when I exert strength. Can't even work out properly. Is this yet another test from God?

Best song to relate my feelings:

我想你已表現的非常明白
我懂我也知道　你沒有捨不得

你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著我　也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開

你要我說多難堪　我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
我沒有這種天份　包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多　我會一直好好過
你已經遠遠離開　我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份　安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你　是因為我太愛你

A month & a day.

It's finally September. Somehow every love songs' telling my story, singing my feelings. August was like a dream. Or rather a nightmare. Even now, I seems to be living in a nightmare, cause my dreams feel so real, so sweet, so blissful, like how it could have been... Maybe I should sleep forever. Just kidding ( :

当你走到累了，我就是你的歇脚亭，让你休息，让你依靠。

当风雨挂得太大，我就是你的避风港，陪你度过一切风风雨雨。

当你偶尔想起我，就问我过得好不好，这样，就足以我开心一整天了。

( :

"這首歌令我哭了. 因為我知道, 雨下過以後並不會改變任何情形. 我們還是老樣子, 學習過著自己的新生活. 有了新歡, 誰又會記住舊愛?"

My every morning for a month now

I'm still not used to not greeting her "Good morning" everyday when I wake up. I'm still not used to not receiving her "Good morning" when she wakes up. And what is killing me every morning is that I know she is sending it to someone else.

Went to karaoke last night, the first time without her since 2010. Miss her voice, miss her singing. She will always be the best singer to me. I still sucks though, probably need more practice...

Headed to Lavender Food Square with Kenneth & Zhao Yi for supper after that. The first time without her as well... All the memories there... Those times when we went there for the prawn noodle and wanton mee. Still fresh in my mind. And that time when Kenneth needed someone for his ball at York Hotel, we went there to borrow costumes, pretty fun wasn't it? Haha...  And that heavy rain when they went to return the costumes... Can't remember why I didn't go with them though... It also reminded me of that time when we had this job about creating subtitle for movies. Went there twice, once to collect the job, another the pay...

We also drove pass the place I went to buy my micro-economic textbook from this dude, St Michael's Place wasn't it? Really sorry about all those times I lost my cool when we got lost on the road... I'll change... And we passed the place we went for her sister's and mum's birthday just last year... Wonder if I'll ever see them again... Remember just few weeks back, I told her I might be working on their birthday this year, and she jokingly told me that it's ok, she can be my "tai-tai", I work she spend, hahaha... In the end the work was cancelled, and I never did get to attend their birthday too... I miss you baby...  ),:  I miss you...

She loved this place before it was renovated. Look, it's so new now, lost all the traditional heritage feeling. Somehow reminds me of her love for me... A matter of the past.

I know, when a couple breaks up, it's good to find someone else, replace the memories and take away the pain. But I'm a sentimental person and I don't know how long it's going to take before I can move on. I can't stop clinging on to all these precious memories. All these precious memories of us... Please grant me amnesia...

Bon voyage.

Is this love? Or Insanity?

When I see her behaving like nothing happened, like she totally moved on and continue with her life, I feel jealous, angry and upset.
But when I see her upset, angry or unwell, it hurts me more than anything. I feel like I need to do something to make her feel alright again...

How contradicting... I'm hurt when she is fine, I'm more hurt when she isn't. Haha... What nonsense is this... Am I going insane?

Sorry / Pity / Courage

I'm sorry for everything I said today. Arghhhh! It's so hard to concentrate! Seems like I'm a goner for the test this coming Wednesday. But I say, "hakuna matata"! Hahaha...

I find it pitiful that we won't be stepping into the next phrase of life, into the real world, as working adults together. A real pity... Probably just to me, haha... If only I had the chance. Sigh. Guess it doesn't matter anymore. Nevertheless, thank you for accompanying me through half of my NS and 4/5 of university life. Can't imagine how things would have turned out without you (:

Don't know why, but I'm feeling exceptionally emotional today, haha... Been 3 weeks, & I'm still not ready... But I'll be brave, because I'm on my own from now on.

Verge of Insanity

It hurts. And it hurts like crazy. Because here I am trying to move on, and there she is, creating new memories with someone else. It's driving me insane.

I tried doing things to keep myself occupied. I went out to read, to study, but after every two or three sentences, she'd "appear" and break my focus, then my mind would drift away into the past, to every thing we ever shared... The places we'd been to, the things we did... All over again...

I know... It's probably because this is my first relationship, that's why it's so hard... I know... I must be stupid to think that I'd marry my first girlfriend and live our lives together till the end... Haha, what a joke. But guess what? I believed in this joke. Maybe that's why I fell so hard...

I know... I'll get over soon...But I'm scared... I'm afraid that I can't focus on things that have to be done... & I know that no-one else but me can help myself get through this...

& I miss her.
I miss you.

Irony

Few years back I sold my Ray-Ban sunglasses cause I thought I didn't wear them enough as I wore spectacles most of the time and contact lens were kind of uncomfortable for me. Furthermore, astigmatism lens are expensive and I didn't really want to commit. And my aviators were over-sized (62mm) which didn't quite fit my tiny face, haha.

However, few years down the road, I did the most impulsive and "ridiculous" decision because of these sunglasses. Well, I received a pair of Ray-Ban aviators on my birthday this year from someone very important & special to me. & when things didn't work out between us, I was devastated, I wanted a change in myself. & the first thing that came into my mind was real silly. I wanted the freedom to wear those sunglasses she gave me anytime, anywhere - I went for LASIK. Hahahaha! I know this sounds stupid and all, but it was really how it all started.

She used to encourage me to do it & liked me without glasses... I did have the intention, just no action. Haha! Oh well, hopefully I look more attractive now ^_^ ahahaha! All that is left is to wait another 3 weeks and I'll be-able to enjoy basketball, swimming and many other activities without the hassle of wearing spectacles! :D hoo-ray!

Isn't it an irony? Selling those shades because of eye conditions, but ended up spending thousands on LASIK just so that I can wear them again? Hahaha.... I know, I'm such a fool.

Hey! Is he singing about me? Haha!

我知道故事不会太曲折　我总会遇见一个什么人
陪我过没有了她的人生　成家立业之类的等等

她做了她觉得对的选择　我只好祝福她真的对了
爱不到我最想要爱的人　谁还能要我怎样呢

我爱的人　不是我的爱人
她心里每一寸　都属于另一个人
她真幸福　幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨　她的爱怎么那么深

我爱的人　她已有了爱人
从他们的眼神　说明了我不可能
每当听见　她或他说"我们"
就像听见爱情　永恒的嘲笑声

每当听见　她或他说"我们"
就像听见爱情　永恒的嘲笑声

2 weeks & I moved an inch

It'd been 2 weeks. I woke up this morning and thoughts of whatever happened in the last 2 weeks flashed through my mind. I really need to get used to this loneliness. I roamed around North-Point yesterday by myself, and there seems to be so much memories of us in every corner of the mall; the very first time we went to Starbucks, sitting at the tall table doing Macroeconomics, Home Fix - the place where she bought 3M hangers,  Harvey Norman - where she'd print all her photos, Xin Wang - pissed us off one time when their service was so slow, haha... And I could go on forever... Wish I'd suffer from amnesia.

Every night when I'm laying on my bed, mixed emotions start settling in. At first, I'd reminisce the past, our happy and sad moments together, everything we'd been through. I'd feel happy and warm in the heart, but when reality kicks in, sadness come visiting. I started asking myself why, how, what, hundreds, thousands of questions... Then rage and anger will slowly consume me. Why am I alone while... ... Why did the both of us have to go through all these pain while someone else just enjoys the harvest? All these questions, no one can answer me. I try not to think about them, but I can't. And I know there are no solutions to what I'm going through. Only time. And of course maybe amnesia. Hahaha...

And finally, I'd calm myself down by reminding me that she deserves the happiness that I couldn't provide her with. And nothing else matter as long as she is happy...

Forgive me for the rants & complains. Its all that I have in me for now.

A smile is just a smile without you

I thought I was alright, had accepted the break & was ready to move on. I was utterly wrong. Memories of our Taipei trip struck me all of sudden. I closed my eyes and recounted the entire trip. No words can describe how much I regretted giving you attitude at 淡水. I'm sorry. And when my conscious returned to the present, I felt a lump in my throat.

The funny thing was that despite feeling such sorrow, such sadness, I couldn't help it but went on to look at the remaining photos of us in my laptop. All our vacations... Valentines' Days... All the wacky expressions... The smiles... Your beautiful smile. 

All these memories felt so fresh, like they just happened no more than 1 month ago... Maybe deleting them would be a wise decision, but I couldn't do it... Because deleting them would also mean losing more of myself. Because you make me feel complete.

I wish you would come back to me & that all these was just a dream... I miss you. I believe I am strong because I can, & will take anything that comes at me. But I'm only human... And tonight I wanna cry...

This song says it all

Been a week. Thought I'd be much much better today, but I was wrong. I merely accepted the fact that we ended, no longer in a relationship. But the truth is I'm still not over you. So many things I want to say to you but I figured there isn't room in you for my nonsense no more. I guess that's the difference between being friends & being together.

Rihanna - P.S. I'm still not over you

What's up? I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinking 'bout you and it kinda made me smile
So many things to say and I'll put 'em in a letter
Thought it might be easier the words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind and rewrite every line
To the story of me and you

Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that remain since you've been gone
I guess you thought that I would've put it all behind me
But it seems there's always something right there to remind me
Like a silly joke or something on the TV, boy, it ain't easy
When I hear our song I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind, turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you

Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet, oh no
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried to get you out my mind
But it don't get no better as each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused, I've got nothin' to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you

Closure

Let's hope this brings everything to an end. It's probably true that both of us were wrong, somewhere or another. Oh well, I guess this ending is the best out of the 3:

1. we get back together
2. we don't talk or look at each other anymore, hostile!
3. we simply become and remain friends

Number 1 is out of the question cause you wouldn't be happy, although I would. Ahahaha! Number 2 is worst, both of us will suffer longer and number 3, although may not be the ideal one for me, but undeniably is still the best out of 3.

I still think back about our past and get teary eyes, and I will treasure these memories. I still feel a little jealous, angry and upset when I think about the fact that the next guy(or should we call him lucky bastard? :D) who will be holding you in his arms isn't going to be me. Guess I had my chance and didn't cherish it.

I'm sorry for disappointing you with my action but then again if I never did, I would probably never know the truth and this "best" conclusion would probably never happen. Hope I can regain your trust in me and hope you'll never forget me, the moments and memories that we shared - cause I never will. All those silly photos of you with wacky expressions will always be my happy pills.

"Love is feeling glad while watching her smile and laugh, even when I'm not the reason."

P.S: Damn, I kind of regretted giving you those "advice". Somebody is definitely going to benefit from it. Shit! Pui! :D Hahaha!

D Day -22: Agony. Rant.

A part of me keeps lingering on the memories we shared, another constantly reminding about the future we'll never have. Then there is this portion at the back of my heart wondering, what did the past 3 years meant to you? For you to have changed so swiftly, am I nothing but just a companion all these while? I'm sorry to have this thought, I know it is not true, that you loved me with all your heart. I know we were really in love, I wish we still are, or can be...

I know it is my fault for neglecting you, for taking you for granted. For not putting in enough effort to build our future. I hurt you umpteen times... I'm sorry. It'd only been 6 days since you left me, but I know your heart had left me much earlier.

I'm trying to contain this hate that is growing day by day... Thinking about you, moving on so fast... Faster than before we actually ended. It hurts. And I know writing down all these aren't going to change a thing. In fact, based on my understanding of you, it'll probably make you feel disgusted, increasing the disappointment and hatred you feel towards me... & I know someone will be there to tell you not to give a damn. But this is the only way I can vent whatever I have inside me.

I know I have great friends and family that I can rely on and confine to. But everyone just keeps telling me the same thing over and over again, to move on, to divert my mind on other things and become better, stronger. I'm not complaining & I really appreciate all the help, but... I do not know... I'm lost, confused and broken...

The truth is... A huge part of me still wish that you'd come back to me... That we can be together... Despite everything that had happened.

D Day -23: Mixed emotions

How is it possible? We just went JB for herbal chicken, played badminton and wave-board under the starry sky. We enjoyed ourselves didn't we? Can almost still feel that moment, your hands in mine, while I guided you across the open space, disregarding the sight of others... 

Why did we still went to eat fish soup with your family if these is no more love? Why did we still went swimming? Why did we still went to play around at the park on the eve of my darkest day?
Was the love we shared really so fragile?

What a crazy month July was... Guess I only have myself to blame for the distance between us... I created it... ... ... For another to enter. I am really broken. I can neither believe nor accept how fast everything escalated.

The most hurtful part is how you have changed inside, but remained the woman I love outside. I still love you nevertheless... I still do...

D Day -25: Destroyed

I feel terrible. Every time I fell asleep, she'd appear in my dreams as my girlfriend and I'll jump up awake in joy, only to realize it was all a dream.

Thought I'd be better today after sorting out my feelings last night. But I didn't. Everything I see links back to her, she has been such a huge part of my life. Its so bad that I'd cry just by looking at the lecture notes we went to print together just last Thursday. The berms she made me walk back and had it changed in Bangkok because of wrong sizing, some tickets of places we went...

I wanted to keep myself occupied to take my mind of her, but I can't.
I wanted to find someone to share this sorrow with, but there isn't anyone. I mean there is, but whats the point? So that I would feel better? I tried and it doesn't work. I guess blogging here is one way for relief...

So many things I wanted to do with her:
Go Tioman; paint-ball; make Crème brûlée; step into society together; celebrate when each other got a job; celebrate our birthdays; our family members' birthdays; learn diving; travel the world...

I know, I'll get better over time. But it's just so hard. My chest feels so tight, that constant lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.
I'm really sorry for taking her for granted all these while, only to realize how important she is after losing her. I really need a miracle now.

D Day -26: For my love

2 years 7 months, can be a long time to some & short to others. I don't even remember how we ended up together (of course I do). But gosh, it sure was the most beautiful period of my life, "so-far" that is :D I mean nobody knows what the future holds for us.

I learned a lot in this 2 years 7 months. Unfortunately, the most important lesson came only during the last few days, which was too late. I'll definitely miss all the moments, big or small, far away or stone throw near. All the "first-times" we shared. Of course, sweet memories often come with painful ones, and I will always remember all by heart.

Ahhh... I'm already starting to miss that room, the bed, those mirrors for self-admiration and the photographs on the wall. Not forgetting the perfect couch for sleeping, lazing or watching TV with you (alright, let's keep it at that, I'm close to tears already).

Well, I try not to think about the past now, although I secretly hope that I can turn back the hands of time. Regrets, regrets and regrets, my blog is filled with regrets.

This love is one that I can never forget. JKL(151210) will always be around, either as lovers or friends.

Broken

How? Why?

I've long forgotten how to live "by myself". This feeling of emptiness... Thought I'll never have to deal with it again... Guess I was wrong. Very wrong.