Where are you?

I've never been the kind to ever let my feeling show, and I thought that being strong meant never losing your self control.

Just want to be anything I'm not; the Ace student in class, the guy that can let his hair down and party, the best player on the court, the man whose hand you held this morning and lips you kissed just before goodnight.

You've been away for too long, I've made up my mind on this. But I need you here tonight, I need you here in sight, I really, really need you here tonight...

Anything I'm not

I said addiction is a dangerous thing. She said she is addicted to making love with boyfriend. I laughed & cried at the same time. Back in those days, she was known for her chastity and morals. Its scary how people and things are carved by our great sculptor, time. Haha, I guess certain things just can't be helped, its the curiosity inside us, humans want to explore, even our own bodies. So after all these years of being pure, the sudden attainment of something that provides such great pleasure, its really hard to ask for less :D
hmmm... I don't even want to think about it. Let's just pray breathing in excessive dead sperm cells don't cause pregnancy :D

I know everyone probably blogged about this but still I should pay tribute to the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson, who passed away at the age of 50 on the 25th of June this year. He was no doubt a great artist and entertainer.My favorite song by him got to be "Heal the World".

Some people say happiness takes so very long to find. Well, I'm finding it hard leaving everything I ever felt behind.

Oh yah, 25 days to enlistment, I'm so elated.

The real me

I am perverted, desperate and shallow. I think dirty at least 45 minutes in an hour. I was referring to sexual thoughts when I said think dirty. Have more talks than actions, believes and act wise, but knows is just a wannabe. Wants to be right all the time; be in the limelight all day and night. Feeling jealous and envy are everyday things. I like to hear praises and beautiful things about myself. I mean ALOT, like every little thing. A shy coward who can't look into girls' eye nor speak to their ears. Yes, an extreme introvert with low confidence and esteem.

This is the real me, so if you've got any problem, please don't come to me cause I'll probably run like a chicken with pee leaking between my legs.

I am bitter

I'm less emo but never been more bitter. Cause I've figured out that it can never be fair in life, so whats the point of feeling all shitty? I can feel all eff-ed up at home, pouring shots in a bar, ranting and complaining to friends. And for all we know that the only reason that's making you feel like this ain't giving shit about it. They are probably making out at home, getting high in a club, laughing and enjoying with god-knows-who. So the bottom line, its not worth it. Living is about ourselves right from the start.
I know I've lost a part of me there cause I so don't feel like myself... But I'm going to get it back.

And I think I need a social life. My life's been revolving around working-out, basketball, occasional pool, driving lessons, crabbing, cycling, and playing some silly card games.
Maybe the reason I can't wait to enlist is because my current life is filled with emptiness and shits and I'm looking forward to start a new one. Who knows! Hahaha!

Short Batam update

I'm back from Batam few days ago. Was a nice trip, but I'm so familiar with the place that it felt like home. Well, they got some new facilities up, like SCV and new furniture in some of the villas. Guess I'll share some pictures.

As usual, the nice little villas we stayed in.

Haha caught my eyes, "spesial"!

Not bad right, the camera I found at home.

Our source of entertainment, at least 2 hours daily without fail.

Tried catching Sotongs at night, but we got 0. These belonged to a local man. Yes, he owned us badly.

Heh.

This is the pool!

Went to the pool for actions.

Chilling never hurt this much, if you get what I meant :D hahaha!

Nothing new

"This is madness!"
"Madness...? This is Batam!"
(Supposed to be a .gif file that moves...)

Its a nice Sunday

Am I neglecting all the wonderful people that really cares for one that probably never did? & I think I'm blogging a little too much these days...

Happy & Birthday may not always come together

Do people give themselves birthday gifts? Cause I'm thinking of getting myself a watch. But I'm having doubts. I feel that such an item will hold more sentimental value if received as a gift.

Hmm... But who gives a shit about being sentimental these days? I mean people aren't even as grateful as how they used to be. They tend to forget about things a little too often. Sometimes I really wonder when people said "thanks", they really meant it or just to portrait themselves as a courteous and civilized figure.

I used to see myself as a sentimental person. But I got confused after all that have happened. I can't tell the difference between "trying-to-be-sentimental" or being genuine. I mean I really cherish all my photographs, gifts, cards, favorite childhood toys, etc. I keep them in this old wooden drawer. These things may not have survival values, but to me, they are things that give value to survival.

Well, I'll think about it... Maybe I should get myself laid for a birthday gift. I'm sure I can find a hot and pretty whore within my budget for a watch :D

Anyway, thanks for the dumbbells my friends, haven't collected them but I'm sure they'll be put to good use. & lastly, I ought to wish myself.

Happy Birthday Kenny Toh. I love you, be happy, keep it real.

Just dance!

Video of the day! Watch at least 1 minute of it to amazed! Trust me, this is the bomb!


My current favorites:
Just Dance by Lady Gaga
Boom Boom Pow by Black Eye Peas
Right Round by Flo Rida featuring Kesha
Sugar by Flo Rida featuring Wynter

Just touch my life again

"What are the best ways to make a girl horny?"
"Money, and lots of it"

HAHAHA made me laugh hard!

Friendship is all about who you've known the best or who you trust the most, not about who has been there for you no matter what. & be grateful to people who are always around you, not those who are always there for you - Yeah, I've finally learned its true meaning after all these years. Well, its part of life, so I guess its supposed to be fucked up.

BBQ was alright... Maybe I've lost the ability to enjoy and have fun. Maybe its the fact that we've all grown up. I don't know, it just don't feel the same anymore. I feel restless, I want to be oblivious about certain thing, but dying to find out more at the same time.

Might post some photos after I get them. & all the best to Zhao Yi in BMT.

Its all bout myself all these while

They say money can't buy you love. Well, money indeed can't buy you love. But money opens up more opportunity for you to love and to be loved. Don't ya agree?

Emptiness struck me tonight. I feel as though having everything in this world means nothing if the special girl isn't here to share it with me. Makes me want to give up on everything...
And I'm very unsatisfied with myself. I want to be much taller, like 177cm. But I know its motherfucking impossible. Being the height I am standing, there are too much things I can't reach. Way too much.

I really hate to comfort myself, telling myself, "oh, its ok, I should be contented with what I have, there are more least fortunate people out there." Sigh... What else can I possibly do? Practice self-motivation? Yup, thats what I'll do, like always.

BBQ tomorrow, something to look forward to.

4 random things and many kites

1) I think humans need to be more compassionate. Like myself, I don't feel much sense of sympathy unless shit happened on myself.

2) Everytime I hear the phrase, "holding his hand", images flash through my mind like passing traffic. Images that I have no desire to see.

3) I've been a Los Angeles Lakers fan since 2000 and I know they are going to be the champion again this year! Game 2 tomorrow, hail Kobe!

4) I just completed all 4 movies of Rambo and I wish I'm him. He is brave, righteous and sexy.

After balling, we sat in the coffee shop and Andrew suggested we go kite flying at Marina Barrage. With his impressive skill of persuasion, which I believe he used to win the heart of countless girls, or cheat in some cases, whatever, we decided to head there.

The weather is so fucking hot that we had to cover ourselves with the picnic mat while waiting for shutter bus. Now I know how having a car brings you chicks @#$@&

Went for snacks and AC the first thing we did.

I think there were about 30 to 40 kites in the sky that day. A wonderful sight.

Setting up; Andrew with his "train-kite".

"2 KTs spotted! I repeat, 2 KTs spotted!"

The idiotic ballers that decided to come. I love the sky, its as beautiful as you.

Ya, ya, continue laughing at me, I know I'm a joke.

I'll make a great dad.

A bird, a plane or... Probably just a kite...

This is what I call chill!

I'm glad you can't read minds,
else you'll find me hating you more and more each day.

Realism at its best

This world is real, and fucked up and the saddest part is we have to live it. Deaths are real; people die and never return. Money is real; you can buy almost everything. Feelings are real too. & I'm stupid enough to have only understood it recently.

- For example, when you tell a girl to take care of herself because there's this stupid flu around recently, she will probably say, "thanks, you take care too" or pull some joke out of it. But in her mind, she must be thinking, "are you nuts? As if I give a damn bout your words and that bloody flu."
On the other hand, when the guy she has a crush on tells her the exact same thing, her reply might be the same, but in her mind... Its definitely, "awww so sweet! He actually cares for me!"

Hahaha, well, I guess not everyone is like that. Probably just 20% of the population... ... Are not :D

You're so beautiful June.

"Eventually, through porn, we discovered what we like, what we don't like, and shit we thought we didn't like, but secretly do."

Yeah! The 2nd batch of DBE cohort has officially graduated! That includes me of course. Haven't received my diploma though, got to find time to collect from school.

It finally rained today after 1000 hours of hard warm sunshine. Getting lazy and lazier each day... The only thing I'm looking forward to is probably enlistment... & maybe all the interesting shits along the way :D hahaha, ok, what I just said didn't make sense.

I just read something which is so damn true!

"When given the choice, most girls would rather spend their night with their man, doing something together than hanging out with their girlfriends. Sure, it’s fun to hang out with your girls once in a while but I’d say that the balance is about 80/20 in favor of spending time with their man.

Guys on the other hand, are 50/50 when it comes to choosing between spending time with his girl or his boys. If a guy really really likes a girl, it might be 51/49 in her favor."

Whoever don't agree, please wash your face with water from toilet bowl cause its so effing real!

Oh, and I tried running while listening to Rocky Balboa's OST, it fucking works! Or maybe its because I've watched Rocky I, II, III and IV. A truly inspiring series of films.

Happiness is not to be, until...

Its June. 2009 is half way there. & tonight, something came to me, and made me wonder... You see... I was wondering... Just wondering... If she thinks of me sometime.

So when you're happy, remember me. Because when you're happy, I am too, I am happy...
For you.

I can't remember when was the last time I laughed till I cried.
He is right. When things get competitive, people will be happy no more.

Bye.