Merry Christmas 2014!

Merry Christmas everyone! Had a great Christmas gathering last night with my homies at Hotel Jen Orchardgateway (I've been wondering about why is Orchard gateway spelled as a single word). No special theme, dress code, or any fancy stuffs. Just a simple, homely drinking and gift exchange Christmas among good old friends.

Look! A "personalized" homepage
of the TV upon switching it on.

I also had the chance to work on my selfie skill. 

From the East!

From the West!

It was already over 9 pm by the time all of us gathered, kind of late for us to hit the pool... But it's all good cause some of us decided to go later (or earlier in this case) at 6am! Hahaha!

The 6:30am view from their infinity pool on the 19th floor.

The rest is... SOP. Except for the journey to buy Mcdonald's. Nuggets with curry sauce is definitely the best supper anyone can have after a light drinking session.

Few more days to 2015. Make the remaining of 2014 count my friends! And thank you, whoever you are, for bringing joy and fun to me this Merry Christmas! Hohoho! 

A little about life & Krung Thep

Life is such an irony. When I was all comfortable and contended with life about 1 year ago, I really enjoyed playing computer games (Modern Warfare) and hitting the gym, to a point where I find it hard to make time for my loved one & doing the things I love. And now that I have plenty of free time, I don't quite enjoy doing either of the above anymore. You're right, maybe it's me. Yeah, it's probably just me.

Oh, let's talk about my Bangkok trip a little. Was a great trip, had fun bringing my friends around, not that I'm real familiar with BKK, but I've been there 5 times so far, and thrice of those happened this year, so I guess the memories of the place was still fresh. Wish we had more time though... Well, it's always about the company :D 

If y'all plan to go to Talad Rot Fai, or directly translated as Market Train, my advice is to go there at around 7 to 8 pm with an empty (hungry) stomach and venture deep! I had no idea that the place was so huge! Over hundred of street-styled vendors right at the back! Not forgetting all the vintage artifacts which you can take photos with. It's about 20km from Pratunam Night Market or approximately 30 - 40 minutes travel time via taxi, depending on traffic conditions. Definitely a good place to spend the evening.

I found a pretty decent tailor through the recommendation of a friend too. It's called Newman Exclusive, located at Amari Watergate Hotel. Price for formal shirts are competitive, ranging from 750 baht to more premium ones at 3,500 baht. They said that you'll have to order the 3,500 baht ones in advance as they'll have to arrange for the clothes to be shipped from some mystical place. & I said, you mad bro? Ok, I didn't actually said that aloud, just deep within my fragile little heart.

I'm kind of looking forward to the year 2015. Part of it being the bonuses which I'll be receiving (what!? I've been working for 10 months already?!). Another part? Let's just say that I'm always looking forward to the future because it's the unknown that makes life interesting :D 

Geez, I got to stop acting all optimistic... Alright, time to call it a night. Peace!

Falling into the Mundane Life Cycle

After joining the work force for about 10 months, I'm starting to feel it. The rat race effect I'd call it. 5 days work week and the only thing to look forward to is the monthly pay day, followed by the bonuses, pay raises, and the cycle continues... Same shit different day bro.

Geez, I really shouldn't be whining, considering how much I enjoy my working environment, the awesome colleagues and modest benefits which I'm entitled to... Oh well, just going to work hard, grow my pot and harvest the fruits some day in the future. 

In a few days time, I'll be heading to BKK for the third time this year. I must be crazy. Where the hell is my much sought after beach vacation?! Alright, alright, I'll make it happen next year. Anyway, I believe that despite the same location, travelling with a different group of friends will definitely unlock a whole new chest of fun and experiences! 

Time to hit the sack, see y'all soon my friends! 

The Lost Answers

Nobody understands. The void that lives within us. The leaps that we can never find the courage to take. The unrequited love. The feeling of being an option; the feeling of having options. The future we'll never read; the future that may never come. The screams in your mind; the words left unsaid.

A feeling that you might have forgotten

"Anyone can catch your eyes, but it takes someone special to catch your heart."

When was the last time you allowed someone to enter your mind and somehow got them stuck in there for the longest time; from the moment you wake up to the moment you close your eyes. - Even that seems too short.

The image of his face forms naturally when you stare into blank, those bewitching eyes & mischievous smile, forever seem so fascinating no matter how many times you look at them. 

And the mere thought of sighting him among the crowd sets your heart racing. Yes, just the thought.

When will it be my turn?

"Even when you're crying you're beautiful too...

You're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and blues..."

Congratulations to our long time friend S and her husband for tying the knot last Friday. Always happy to attend the weddings of close relatives & friends. 

Despite the countless married couples around, I still find it hard to imagine myself getting married. Maybe it's because I'm still without a partner at the moment. I always believe that there is bound to be someone on this planet who is made solely for us. And I'm going to meet mine someday. Or maybe I've already met her, just that the part where our destinies are to intertwine each other has yet to arrive. 

But marriage is such an huge decision in life! I'd undisputedly rank it the No.1 decision in life if not for the thing called "divorce". & you should have already known, getting married to someone means spending the rest of our life with them, staying faithful and loyal only to them. Showering them with unconditioned love, care, concern and trust.

Oh well... I guess there isn't a need to excessively ponder over these. You'll know if he/she is the right person when the right one comes along. No questions needed. And you'll definitely put all those mentioned above into play. It's hard to put into words, but it's something like he/she is the first person you want to see sleeping next to you when you open your eyes every morning. In short, our heart will tell us if we truly want to grow old with him/her (:

Why am I even writing about this... Must be the haze. It's getting to me... Drink more plain water my dear friends! 2 public holidays in October! The 6th and 22nd! Hoo-ray! 

"O is for the only one I see"

Just returned from Bangkok. Awesome trip! But it was neither the food I ate nor the places I went to that made it great. It was the friendships I found.

Alright, time to snap back to reality. Enough of fun & feeling recharged already. Let's work hard together & make our days count!

"I look right pass them. Because I only have eyes for the one that I adore."

The Fallen One

I realised that I really like to work. It keeps me numb, keeps me occupied. When I'm not at work, I think about life. I think about the future & what awaits me. Is it loneliness? Or will I even make it there? I think about what should I do during my off days, about if I'm ever going to have my own kids. What kind of a person would my wife be, if I actually managed to marry one that is... And I'll constantly be looking for reasons and excuses to keep myself in the comfort zone.

But when I'm at work, all I think about is getting shit done. Making no errors, staying meticulous. I think about the money I'm going to make, about how I'm going to make more money with the money I just made. And followed by how I'm going to spend all these money, which I probably never will because all I do is work and reinvest. Oh well, I don't even make that much in the first place...

Have you ever read a quote saying, "some people are so poor, all they have is money"? Haha, I was thinking that it's probably because these people aren't making good use of their money. And then I think about those who are real poor, who don't even have money. Just absolutely nothing.

The truth is... I fully understand the quote. Which is exactly why I know that I can never truly be happy. Because all I feel is nothingness. I don't feel anything... Just nonchalant about life. Just living.

Why? Maybe it's because I've given up. I've stopped trying. I can neither find an explaination to this feeling nor a reason to not feel this way.

Officially Graduate loh!

So... We'd finally obtained the title of "Graduate". It'd been a long journey hasn't it? All the bitter-sweet moments, like staying back in school, cracking our heads to think of places which are conducive enough for working on the numerous projects, travelling to each others place or estate sometimes... Getting pissed at the leech. And doing silly assignments such as the economics journal or some shit, can't really remember... Looking back, I didn't quite had an exciting & fulfilling university life, did I? Oh yeah, maybe the infrequent nights we spent playing LAN. That was fun. And the Bashes at Zouk. Had only attended it twice, but was definitely epic enough. Oh well, what was I expecting. I guess it was all good. Considering all the friends I'd made. And lost.

Alright, shall post some photos of my convocation from the 25th of August. More to come, these are all that I have at the moment...

My supportive family & I.
I'd be nothing without them.

Part of the clique that made everything possible.

North-side Buddy.
Made University life easier.

I rarely take photo with woman.
But when I do, she's usually an angel in disguise :D

We'd certainly came a long way...

Yup, that's us. 

I don't know if it's just me... But growing up has made posting pictures online kind of uncomfortable, especially on a blog. It sometimes feel like, "why am I sharing all these with people (or rather strangers)?" Then I'd ask myself again, "why not?" Haha... Yes, I'm contradicting like this. 

Sigh... Another day wasted. Got to start making the days count!

Never let the failure of others be a hindrance to our advance. Take these failures as references. Avoid what they did wrong, improvise on the rights & be ready. The rest? Just got to believe that you've got what it takes. Just do it.

Been a long year. I survived!

Hello, been a while since I updated. Let me share what I've been up to. Work has been alright. The addition of a new member to the team has definitely decreased my workload. Moreover, it's the "low" season now. But I'd say that it's just the calm before the storm. I mean... It's just a cycle, like how Mondays have to come before the arrival of Fridays. Life cycle, business cycle, whatever.

Nothing exciting in my life though. It's so boring that I'd say watching the stock market rise and fall generates the most excitement in my life. Sounds pathetic? Hahaha! Anyway, many companies will be releasing their financial reports for first half of 2014 in the coming weeks, stay tuned investors! 

Upcoming events, University Convocation & the wedding of a friend. In fact, it'll be the first time that I'm attending the wedding banquet of a friend. Looking forward to it. 

Sometimes I hate myself for being such a frugal individual. I wish I didn't have this attribute, that I can set myself free and spend every dollar in my possession. Okay, maybe not that serious, how bout save much lesser than I currently am & still feel comfortable about it? Hahaha... Maybe I should let loose & spend every single cent of my salary for a particular month. Nah, that's too crazy, I can never bring myself to do that. 

Alright, let's go get some Monday blue! Oh, it's the 4th of August. I'm officially single for a year! Light them up people!

Stay high.

I cannot watch Hong Kong drama.

I cannot watch National Geographic/Animal Planet/Nat Geo Wild.

I cannot watch movies that fall under the category of Romance.

I cannot think of returning to Taipei. I want to. But my heart feels like it's sinking onto a bed of thorns each time I think about it.

Nah. Just kidding. I can do all of the above just fine. I simply chose not to. Guess that's what falling in & out of love is about. We get reminded of that person who used to mean everything to us every now and then. But nobody really cares anymore because it's all matters of the past. 

What is this that I'm feeling tonight...? Probably need something to fill the void in me.

You're gone and I got to stay high all the time, all the time, high all the time, to climb, to keep you off my mind. Staying in my play pretend, where the fun ain't got no end... Can't go home alone again. Need someone to numb the pain. 

"People only know what you tell them"

Gosh, aren't the weather these days a bitch? I don't know about you, but I'd inevitably, & literally, sweat my butt off if I wasn't in an air-conditioned place. Oh well, I sleep without AC anyway, so I guess it's no big deal.

I really take my hat off to people who work & adopt study commitments at the same time. It's indeed not easy. I guess it's all about time management & sacrifices. You want to have fun all the time or take a portion out of it & do something that truly counts. With that being said, sometimes having fun can take one further than academic achievements. Sometimes. Sigh... I need to get started.

It's strange why I still think about the past, still browse through my Instagram, look at those old pictures which have probably lost any meaning they used to hold... I want to go back to Taipei, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid to face the "familiarity" of that place... The memories that have been bound with the City.

Have you ever felt like the person you're currently with is not the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, but can never find that courage to call it quits? Because once you do, you'd lost so much. All the things you're ever familiar with.

Gosh, why am I thinking so much tonight. It's ridiculous. Going to sleep now. Happy Monday everyone, especially the students returning to school :D I feel y'all. But I feel more for the people going to work ;)

Birthday weekend deserves an update

So... I'm finally 25 years old. I guess one of the bigger events in 2014 for me is joining the workforce and probably going to Bangkok. More epic moments to come! I hope... 

Just remembered that I didn't get myself a birthday present this year! Oh well, guess I'll just keep it in-lieu, because what I'm aiming for is something much bigger than what I can currently afford. Go read up on delayed gratification. It's not easy to put into play. But I believe that when there is a will, there is a way. And nothing is actually easy, not until you're done & over with it.

Monday coming right up, sit tight people! We are mid way through the year! The next long weekend will fall on the 26 to 28 of July. Make it count! Although I think mine will be boring as usual. Hahaha! 

See y'all soon my beloved friends.

The rest of your life. And we only live once.

Do you feel like, "damn, it's going to be Monday tomorrow once again" on every Sundays? It guess it's normal, cause I've the exact same feeling. But the next thought that comes into my mind is, "come at me all y'all endless work loads! I'll take you on!" Hahaha! Another comforting aspect is that the market will be opened from Monday to Friday, which also means that there is a possibility of making a windfall :D ... Or a "downfall". Hahaha!

So... It's finally June! I used to love June, because it marks the beginning of the mid-year school holiday. But now, June only reminds me that I'm getting older and there are still so much out there waiting to be accomplished. Just like what I wrote in my previous post — time, is indeed the most important thing in life.

While hanging out with some friends this weekend, I had a thought. What does it mean if you asked yourself, "am I really going to spend the rest of my life with him/her?" I figured that this question, when asked in a relationship, is unlikely to be a question that seeks affirmation, but rather one that constitutes doubt. You are having second thoughts. Of course things may work out if both parties are willing to compromise each other. But "may", is like walking on thin ice. & I'm sure most of us understand the theory of "opportunity lost" :D

So I had this resolve. The woman I seek will be someone who will make me say to myself, "damn, I want to spend the rest of my life with her." Or if I'll ever have to ask myself the question above, about if I'm really going to spend the rest of my life with her, the answer has to be "duh". No doubts. Hope I don't end up "forever alone" though :D

I'm starting to lose the "feel" to blog because I realised that all I blog about are silly stuffs regarding relationships & love. Oh well... I guess the purpose of having a blog is for me to write whatever the fuck I want. Peace.

Time is precious is an understatement

We meet many different people in our life, either from work, school, social events or even the streets. How would you decide of you want this particular person in your life? Because he is tall & good-looking? Humorous? Because of his character or personality? Or simply because he has made effort to show that he wants to be in your life too? Maybe that's what some called chemistry, while others called it fate.

But you know, even chemistry fades and fate sometimes runs out of time. Feelings change, like pages of a book or seasons of the year. We can't force ourselves to continue reading the same page of the same book over and over again. Neither can we choose to stay in summer eternally just because we like it. Things like these are inevitable. Changes, are inevitable. And we need the courage to face it, to accept these changes, because at the end of the day, we'll realise that it's time that we are wasting. & time, is in fact the most precious entity that ever existed.

Seems like I'd just ran out of time. Shall continue my grumble/rumble/mumble when I return. I wish time would stop when I'm with you; so that I'll never have to say goodbye, watch you walk away or spend nights like these thinking about you. But on second thought... I don't really wish for time to stop. Because I long to grow old with you.

1 more confused soul

Do you like your public holiday to be directly before or after the weekend? E.g. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Or would you prefer it like this PH that we are currently having? I personally like it this way. Makes the week feel shorter.

So... It'd been 9 months now. Gosh, why am I even thinking about this again... I don't know... Maybe I miss the feeling of being irritated by someone who matters. Or maybe I miss the feeling of trying to be committed to someone. Because all I have now is a job. It's all I think about. And I'm not kidding, I actually considered going back to office and finish some stuffs that don't even fall under the "urgent" category tomorrow.

I hate myself sometimes. And I think I have depression other times. But it can't be. I'm just over thinking. How can someone like me have depression? I mean, every time I step out of the house, I'd be like, I'm going out there & people are going to be admiring me. Even though I have nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Hahahaha! "You mad bro?"

What good are weekends?

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare

The shadow in the background of the morgue

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want

Where you can always find me

And we'll have halloween on Christmas

And in the night we'll wish this never ends

We'll wish this never ends

Where are you and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

This sick, strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting everytime 

And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides

Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday... Sunday... Mo...

If being myself means loneliness, then I can't be myself

It's exam period once again. The only difference is that it does not concern me this time :D Actually, I shouldn't say that it does not concern me. It does in a way because some of my friends are studying hard for their papers and can't hang out with me :/ Oh well, I wish all of you, my beloved friends/crush/cousin/stranger, all the best for your coming examination. In Thai language, we'd say chok di krap (or ka if you're female), which means good luck :D

So, it's 1st of May already... I read this somewhere: "One day you're seventeen & planning for someday, & then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today, & that someday is yesterday & this is your life". 

I spend lots of time thinking about what I really want in life. I come up with ways to change my life to the way I think I want to live. But none seems to fit. I wish I can cut the chase and find this one girl whose personality is just as I seek. Then we'd be together happily ever after. Hahaha! 

Can I really find/meet someone who is meant for me just by being myself? I'd say no if you'd asked me. Because being myself is too conservative and peaceful. As much as I love sports and adventures, I'm actually the kind of guy who loves to stick with close friends than meet new people. I'm the kind of person who'd go on a beach vacation, chill by the sea, complain about being bored but deep inside, enjoying the sound of people chattering nearby; of the crashing waves and the "nothingness" of being there. 

& I know that in order to meet that someone, I'll have to be somewhere out there... Out of my comfort zone, be at the right place & the right time. Somewhere... Movies that show introverts or wallflowers who randomly run into a girl, and then fall in love with each other... They are all lies. It can never happen in real life.

Guess I'll just live my life as I like. They say all that matters is that we are happy and what will be, will be. Right? -Ya, right.

Maybe I'm just not used to this loneliness yet. On second thought, I think I'm not lonely. Just single that's all. Ahahahaha! And maybe a little confused :D
Peace.

What about them that attract you?

What is it about the opposite gender that attracts you? For me, at first sight, without taking personality into consideration, it's got to be the eyes. The kind of eyes that once you've looked into it, you'd lost your soul forever. Hahaha, alright, that's exaggerating. It's hard to explain, it's like they are filled with mystery, one that makes you want to spend your entire life solving.

And then it'd be the smile. Many times I've seen girls who looked so ordinary until they demonstrated their captivating smile. Well, I guess that's the whole point of smiling, to steal hearts. Hahaha!

Tough week ahead! The only comforting part is that it's a 4 days work week! BKK soon, can't wait! Shall wish for a smooth week ahead before I sleep! Faan waan!

Losing sanity. Losing touch.

I finally understand why some people always have to chat on the phone or constantly text someone every night — because it's really quiet at night. When you are alone, all there is to listen to is the sound of the wind, either from your AC or fan, or maybe your own screaming thoughts.

Why don't I listen to music you may ask. To me, music is just another part of this silent. Maybe I'm just bored of all my songs... Or maybe what I seek is no mere sound of any form. It's communication.

I read somewhere that the reason for some people to always tweet / blog is because they have little friends to turn to. Made me wondered for a while and I concluded that it isn't true for my case. I just decide that I shall not bother anyone with all these insignificant thoughts of mine. Random tweets and occasion blogs will do just fine... I think... It's true that I have a small number of friends though. And decreasing as days go by.

A piece if advice for everyone who is a friend to somebody: people do get sick if you constantly reject meet up request. You may have all the valid reasons in the world. But we all know the truth — it is just that this "friendship" is of the least priority as compared to every other matters in your life. So please, if you are a friend to someone, act like it. Because I have given up, & I hope no one else will have to walk this path.

Can't wait to get married. Then I can hide somewhere on this planet with my beautiful wife. Hahaha!

Keep it real. Peace.

"Not telling you"

I want to move closer to you

I've wanted to get to know you since I met you

My heart pounds when I hear your voice

Since the day we first met, I've been absently daydreaming

As soon as I got introduced, I wanted to say hello

But as soon as I couldn't see you, my heart became mixed up

You disappeared, I’m worried to death

Will you be okay? Do you have someone to take care of you over there? I don’t know 

I nearly forgot to breath when you came close

At just your smile, my whole heart pounds

I want to tell you so you can realize the things in my heart 

But I don’t know if telling you right now would be moving too fast

I still don’t know how you feel

If I tell you those words, and your answer is no

If it’s like that, you’ll probably run away 

It’s perfectly enough already if I have you near me

I can hear your voice, I can take care of you from afar

I’ll keep my secrets in my heart

However much it gets to be, I refuse to speak them 

I want to tell you so you can understand my heart

Seriously, I want to tell you those words

But I’m so scared that I’ll be upset

If you can’t accept them, you’ll probably refuse to forgive me for those words 

It’s so frustrating, I have to keep it inside

It’s frustrating, I’m afraid that if I say it, I’m afraid I’ll be upset 

I’ll keep it away until I reveal my heart

I’ll wait for that day, the day I’ll be certain that you think I’m the one

And you’re ready to listen to the things I have inside 

I’ll tell you I love you so you can hear it closely

I’m telling you my love, do you hear me?

If it’s still not clear, you can listen to it again

Do you hear that I love you with all of my heart

- Backroom Audio

A foolish seeking game

I'm a simple person. I don't need to drive lavish cars or live in premium houses. I don't need to be so wealthy that I can travel around the world every quarter of every year just to experience the 4 seasons. 

I just need someone who I can love, and will love me in return. Someone who will count on me when she is feeling low and that I can do the same with her.

And for this "someone" that I seek, I will work to achieve the things mentioned above. All the things that I do not need, simply because she might want them. Or maybe it is these things that I do not need that will actually help me find what I'm looking for. 

Not a material girl hopefully. 

But what if she is? Well, if I really do love her, then so be it... Love is a foolish game after all. & fools, are sometime the happiest people on earth, don't you think so?

At 25

At this age, I'm starting to realise many things. Or rather my experiences in life thus far is starting to make me view life differently as compared to how I did before.

I'm starting to find girls aged 22 or below incredibly young. Feels like they haven't seen or experienced enough in life to "settle down". Oops, did I just made it sound like I'm looking to settle down already? Hahaha! I guess I'm still quite "green" myself to be even talking about experiences in life...

Materialism & cynicism are real. And we are all "tainted" by them. Shall not elaborate more on this because that's all there's to it. But I still believe in true love :D hahaha! I still believe in how 2 people, who has absolutely nothing (except for themselves) to give each other, can be together simply because of who they are underneath. & I believe I will find it someday. Okay, that was a lie. Ahahaha!

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" they said... And I think one of the simplest & enjoyable thing to do in life is to watch HBO or other movie channels on a 55" TV with your love one in the night of a lazy weekend till the both of you doze off. Like what I've always said, it's never really about what you're doing, it's about who you're doing it with. 

Okay, having a mental block already. Been reading so much stuffs through the computer screen at work everyday that I can't stand the combination of "alphabets + numerals + computer screen". 4 days work week coming right up! Ganbatte-kudasai minna! 

Geez, what an otaku.

Living dead

When you look at a photo of someone who you used to be real close with, do you get a feeling like, "really? This person used to mean so much to me?" And then you go on, trying to recall all the adventures, conversations and little moments y'all had. But they all seem so vague... It gets me frustrated you know... And sometimes I still think about how things would've been now if everything had worked out. I guess it's normal to think about stuffs like that huh? Yeah, it probably is.

I just finished the anime Code Geass. It was awesome. Now I can't sleep because I'm sad that it'd ended. That's why I try not to start on shows. Feels so empty when they end.

Work-life balance... I wonder what's that suppose to mean. I mean... I've never had a life to begin with.

A few more quarters & we'll be there.

I love the power of words. I love how words can sometimes convey all sorts of emotions. Like words in a book, lyric of a song, motivational posters or even the now popular internet "meme-s". It's hard to describe, but you'll understand when you feel it, the moment when words bring back certain memories, make you think of something, somewhere or someone.

Alright, this is a rather random post. I'm just astonished by how fast time flew. I swear it felt like Tuesday was just yesterday.

Just a quick update on my life. Working hard on weekdays. Barely have time to hit the gym even at night. Hectic days like these make me feel like spending my weekends in a peaceful manner. Simple meet up with friends etc. But I guess ain't nobody got time for me. Sounds emo? Hahaha...

Now I'm worried that I'd be left on the shelf, when I'm old and all boney. Where are you my beautifuk girl? Maybe I've met her already, but she doesn't see me, or is unavailable. Haha... Yes, I know... Love don't come just by writing a silly blog entry on the bed. We must have the courage to pursuit it, just like everything else in this cruel world. Ok, don't know what nonsense I'm babbling. Time to sleep.

We could be happy

Time flies. We're already creeping steadily pass the first quarter of 2014. Not much has happened. Still think of the past a little. About the life of a student, those frugal days, saving & growing every penny for the future that will never arrive. Real silly isn't it? Strange thing is that I'm still doing it, hahaha! But I must say... I truly prefer my current life. Except for that missing piece... If ya know what I mean. Hahaha! 

I'd heard much hype about this TV drama: My Love from the Stars / You Who Came From the Stars. & I decided to give it a shot, since I haven't really glued my ass to the chair for a while. & it turned out to be a great show! My favorite Korean actress! Jun Ji-hyun from My Sassy Girl! The main actor was alright, a little skinny for my liking but still, it's great to be tall isn't it? Sigh... Haha... What I don't like about TV dramas is that the happy moments always seem so short... Well, a summary/conclusion for the show: cherish your time with your love ones because you have no idea how many others out there are dying to have just 1 more moment with theirs.

That's all for tonight. May everyone be happy in the many many days to come. 

Love is...

Love is when you see a woman and think that she is so beautiful & in a sea of people, she is all you can see. It is like she is that sole sparkling star while others are simply part of the dark sky. 

And love is when you see her, and you thought to yourself, "god damn... She is so beautiful." But to everyone else, she is just so ordinary.

One of the worst kind of people

Woman: "Omg, I'm becoming so fat! All I do is eat & eat..."

Man: "Glad that you noticed, time to do some exercises, let's go jog at night!"

Woman: "Don't want la, so late & tired after work, where got time and energy. Still have to wake up early for work the next day."

Man: "I think it's just a matter of how badly you want it. If something is important to you, then you'll make time for it, you'll find that extra ounce of energy to make it happen."

Woman: "Ya la, ya la, I'm not as energetic, disciplined & determined as you."

Man: "... ... ..."

People who complain but refuse to do anything to change things for the better.

Paths

One lesson I recently learnt in life is that sometimes, all we need to do is to take that first step, and other paths will reveal themselves to you.

The number of paths varies among individuals. Some have more, others less.  & one thing I know for sure is that none will be easy, else it isn't worth taking. Of course there are easy ways out, like striking lottery or finding a wealthy & suitable significant other. But how many are truly so fortunate?

They always say, "better be late than never". I finally understood its real meaning. No matter how far, difficult and risky the path is, as long as it leads to where you want to be, take it. Even if it might take 5, 10 or 20 years, so be it. Because it is always better to start late and progress slow than to never start and not finish.

One example can be: you want to be a photographer, but have no confident that it can bring in a substantial amount of income as a profession because you have mouths to feed at home. Then take the long path. Keep this dream/passion/hobby close to your heart, devote 10% or whatever of your energy and time to it while spending the rest on a job that can keep things going. Few years down the road, when all become stable, with some savings, its never too late to relive that dream. The only time when it's too late is when we are dead. However, this is provided that if you still possess that passion and have the courage to pursuit it.

Cause you see, every time when we choose a path, we'll eventually get to a crossroad & then we'll have to choose again. And all these paths, they change people. So who you are now... Might not be who you think you'll be in the future. Nobody knows.

Ok just scribbling nonsense cause I can't sleep. Peace. Happy belated Valentines' Day.

The most important things in life.

Happy Lunar New Year everyone! I hope y'all had a great weekend, be it collecting 红包, gambling or traveling! & since a new year is sort of like a new beginning, I shall share with everyone what I feel are the most important things in life.

Coming in 1st place is definitely our Health & Well-being. Without good health, there is really very little we can do. Restrictions on certain food and activities can take away so much in life. As a matter of fact, it may also cause woes to people who care. So please take care of your health! I guess little needs to be said, we all know what are the good and the bad. If your health is already on the down side, then start doing the right thing from now on.

2nd place goes to Family and Friends! Of course I think family is more important than friends because let's face it, they are the ones who will be there when shit happens. & I know it's not the case for everybody, therefore I decided to have "friends" in 2nd place as well. With the right friends, people can go a long way. "The right friends" are hard to come by, but these choices are something only we can make ourselves. And when you find them, treat them well, like gems, because friendships require polish. The more you polish your friendships, the brighter they glow. & like gems, if you leave them just as they are, dust will settle, subdue the shine & eventually become as dull as a regular rock. Cherish the friendships you now have and consider rekindling those that once shone brightly.

3rd place goes to a good Job, a job that you enjoy, a job with good colleagues and maybe decent prospect. With a job like this, life will be so much easier. Do some calculation and you'll realise that we spend more than half of the time in our lives working. So choose a work that you won't dread going to when you wake up every morning. A job is also important because it provides us with income. That is why I believe that job is more important than money because if there is no job, there is no money. And a job keeps our mind engaged, which makes us feel alive, to a certain extent.

Lastly, and unfortunately, Romance had to come in 4th. Hahaha! Well, not exactly... Cause you see, without good health, it'd probably be hard for someone to fall for you. Even if there is, can you bear to let the woman/man you love worry about you everyday? So health, number 1. 

Next is Family & Friends. Remember that time when your girlfriend/boyfriend walked out on you? Who were the people there for you? I'm sorry if you had to go through it alone, but for most, I believe it's family and friends. 

Finally, Job. This is simple. No job, no money, no honey. FYI honey = romance. Just to add on, in our current age (era/time), sad, but the truth, a simple job is not enough to get you honey. You're going to need a good job, with good pay to get your honey. Cold hard truth. 

Well done if you managed to make it here, what a long wordy post! Haha! The above are just my 2 cents view :D have a goodnight everybody. Peace!

What is wrong with me?

It's like something is keeping me closed when there is really nothing at all. Like I want to speak 90% of the time, but decided not to. I know I need to talk to people more, be friendly and all sociable. But I find it kind of hard to do... Maybe the term "forever alone" is made for people like me. I really need to sign up for dating services. Or maybe counseling. I just need to free myself from this invisible or non-existent chain. That is what I really need to do.

And I realised that I'm so bitter. Shall name myself "bitter-god" from now on.

Looking forward to nothing is what that's keeping me alive.

One of the worst feelings in the world is to come home everyday after work with absolutely nothing to look forward to except maybe the weekend. And when the weekend finally arrives, you realize that all that awaited you is emptiness. You browse through your phone book, message a few friends and you actually feel glad to receive replies, although they indicate "not available", because at least they replied. Others simply didn't care. I guess everyone has their own commitments to attend to at our age.

Then you end up roaming the street alone, having the idea that you might meet someone just like you; bored, lonely and just living. But it'll never happen. Pubs and clubs are good ideas, but what if you find staying up late out there after midnight so tiring? Maybe that is call stepping out of "comfort zone". 

The next thing you know, it's Monday. You'll come home after work, thinking of ways to look for a companion, but none seems applicable. Then you'll realize that maybe the most realistic one is probably going to a club or pub this coming weekend. So you start looking forward to the weekend once again... And again... And again...

You are truly blessed if you cannot comprehend such feeling. It means you have never truly been alone. And this kind of loneliness, I believe, can only be understood by people who are genuinely going through it.

So far so good!

Hi, a quick update on what & how I've been doing. Work has been good so far, maybe it's because I'm still fresh and still has plenty to learn. Work environment is good though, friendly colleagues and superiors, simply awesome. One issue about working in the city is the cost of food... I've been spending an average of S$5 on lunch till now. Oh well, at least there are plenty of office ladies (OL) to see :D and I'm talking about quantity with quality here, ahahaha! Haven't been working out though... Either ended work late or too tired to train... Hope I don't become a fatty soon, hahaha!

With an occupation, my life is almost complete... Just lack of a soul mate, or rather companion. People have been telling me that someone for me will eventually come along. But I don't believe it. I believe that destiny is in our own hands and things happen because we want them to, because we make them happen. Well, of course if a woman got love struck and initiates to talk to me, then I'd truly call it destiny. Hahaha! But this will never happen. Moreover, like I always say, "a man got to do what a man got to do." Destiny only apply to girls; when a man of their dream decides to approach them. That is destiny. For us men, we just got to make it happen. Tough huh?

I'm so into this Thai celebrity these days. Knomjean! Hahaha! She is fine! I guess single man will always look for some female icon to worship, like how I worshiped Girls' Generation 3 years ago, hahaha! Fills my empty heart! Ya know what I'm saying?! Hahaha! Goodnight & peace! :D

Time to Slog My Guts Out

This is it I guess. Quote of the day, or rather of this whole new adventure: 

"I want to remember that no one is going to make my dreams come true for me... It is my job to get up everyday and work toward the things that are deepest in my heart... And to enjoy every step of the journey rather than wishing I was already where I want to end up."

You know what is the worst part about falling in & out of love? It's when you can remember all the first times that you shared with your partner & simultaneously the last times. It's not a good feeling. But it's something we have to deal with. Just like stepping into a whole new environment, knowing new people, who will eventually become colleagues, taking on new responsibilities, and so on. With that being said, I'm still freaking nervous!!! The anxiety is killing me!!! Hahaha... Gosh, how I wish I have a Significant Other (SO) now. Then I can rant to her & maybe she can calm my soul. 

In my dreams then, goodnight and peace :)

New Phase of Life. Embrace it.

Today is probably the last Sunday that I can take it easy & not have that "oh shit, it's Monday tomorrow" feeling. But who knows, it might turn out to be "oh yeah, it's Monday tomorrow." Hahaha! Wonder what awaits me... Well, whatever it is, I got to be ready. I have to be. Gosh, I can sense a sleepless night tomorrow already... The anxiety always gets to me.

Do all these transition phases in life reminds you of the past; all the walks you'd took, the journeys you'd made? We've definitely came a long way, didn't we? First day into Primary school, then to Secondary, Polytechnic, National Service & finally University... Come to think of it, the transition from NS to University was the easiest to me, simply because there was someone dear with me. Oh well... Like I said, some walks we have to take alone, right? Just hope that I don't have to take this walk of life alone. Hahaha... 

Watched so many movies these few days. Mostly those that I'd missed. The Great Gatsby, Hangover 1, 2 and 3, Man of Steel, Lone Survivor, Battleship, We Bought a Zoo, The Hobit: Desolation of Smaug and The Wolf of Wall Street. I think that's about the amount of movies I'd watched in the whole of 2013, hahaha...

Some people say that they enjoy "alone time"... But I think that to be able to truly enjoy being alone, one has to be complete, to be leading a vibrant or hectic life. To me, being alone is just pitiful, or maybe because I've had too much of such "alone time". I wasn't like this in the past, but now, it just reminds me of how lonely I really am. It's sad, but it's the truth. Maybe I haven't gotten used to not having someone around... Been 5 months huh... Let's hope things get better starting next week. Peace.

Just a Reverie. Just.

I’d dream about that moment when I would go down on my knee like a chivalrous knight, only to be armed with a ring, and ask her if she’d marry me.

I’d imagine looking deeply into those alluring eyes; probably for the millionth time now, slowly swell up with tears as I waited for a reply. She would have both her hands clasped together, leaving only a tiny gap to cover her lovely lips & adorable nose. Yes, just like that typical action people always do when in shock.

I figured that she’d be too astounded to react & allowed her another 6 seconds before asking again, “Will you, my sunshine?” Then maybe she would lower one of her hands, the hand which gap fits flawlessly into mine, and I would held it so gently, as if handling a new life. Following after would be a familiar quivering voice, “Yes, I will.”

By this time, I’d be overwhelmed by immense joy, my heart racing with excitement. But I had to contain it. I had to, because the ring was still in my possession. Not for long though. I would then gracefully slip that symbolic ring, one that’d bind us eternally, into her delicate ring finger. Then I’d stand up, all these while trying to find myself in her eyes, & say, “I love you.” Before locking our lips so tightly that nothing, absolutely nothing, not even death, could separate us for that moment in time.

"Dreaming about the things we could be."

I thought we were fine, that what we shared was like a tiny growing sprout. With time as nutrients, moments as water & hope as sunlight, I believed that we'd flourish someday. Maybe I had too much faith & forgot that "someday" might never come. I also believed that the differences & occasional arguments were like passing storms, merely a threat that every growing sprout must brave until they mature. But without hope for the future, like a sprout without sunlight, we perished.

I passed by the neighborhood mall last night & saw the zodiac forecast they'd display before every Chinese New Year & it felt like last week when we were just there reading those predictions together.

It's hard isn't it? For those of you who have been through it; to let go and move on completely... I guess the only way to be freed is to get entangled in yet another love story. One that might never come. Or one that might end as tragically as that passed sprout. Or maybe, if fortunate enough, one that matures into a sturdy tree which can brave any storms.

"You only need the light when it's burning low, 

only miss the sun when it starts to snow, 

only know you've been high when you're feeling low, 

only hate the road when you're missing home, 

only know you love her when you let her go."

Welcome to 2014! & more fragments of the past

Happy New Year everybody! How can I miss out the chance to write about something on this "epic" day of the year? The day of a new beginning, the 1st of January. Maybe not so on "the day of a new beginning" because I believe that any day can be the beginning of something new as long as you are ready to set aside the past, live the present & embrace the future.

However, & unfortunately, it became a rather emotional 1st of January for me when I decided to sort out my university notes. Those notes reminded me of the times when we'd go to school early just to get them printed. Some of them were printed by her at home for me. Every pieces of those paper reminded me of little moments we had. The statistic notes brought back memories from when we'd sit together and practice our ass out, questions after questions, pages after pages. This particular one, part of our Marketing Communication project, a story board drawn by her, actually brought a lump to my throat. Felt like it was just last week when we were juggling with all these projects together, camping in corners of the school or at friends' house... & when I was flipping through the stacks to see what module they belong to, I saw that familiar, yet now distant hand writing on some of these papers... Those words that she once wrote for my sake. It burns.

Sigh. Almost set my entire wooden study desk on fire. Burn everything once & for all... Oh well, I guess I'll have to deal with these sooner or later, might as well be today. I'm keeping those nicely bound notes though. For whatever reasons... What I truly find amusing is that I don't even feel this much from the gifts, yet of all stuffs, school / lecture notes... Gosh, I seriously question my sanity sometimes.