I feel terrible. Every time I fell asleep, she'd appear in my dreams as my girlfriend and I'll jump up awake in joy, only to realize it was all a dream.
Thought I'd be better today after sorting out my feelings last night. But I didn't. Everything I see links back to her, she has been such a huge part of my life. Its so bad that I'd cry just by looking at the lecture notes we went to print together just last Thursday. The berms she made me walk back and had it changed in Bangkok because of wrong sizing, some tickets of places we went...
I wanted to keep myself occupied to take my mind of her, but I can't.
I wanted to find someone to share this sorrow with, but there isn't anyone. I mean there is, but whats the point? So that I would feel better? I tried and it doesn't work. I guess blogging here is one way for relief...
So many things I wanted to do with her:
Go Tioman; paint-ball; make Crème brûlée; step into society together; celebrate when each other got a job; celebrate our birthdays; our family members' birthdays; learn diving; travel the world...
I know, I'll get better over time. But it's just so hard. My chest feels so tight, that constant lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.
I'm really sorry for taking her for granted all these while, only to realize how important she is after losing her. I really need a miracle now.
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