It'd been 2 weeks. I woke up this morning and thoughts of whatever happened in the last 2 weeks flashed through my mind. I really need to get used to this loneliness. I roamed around North-Point yesterday by myself, and there seems to be so much memories of us in every corner of the mall; the very first time we went to Starbucks, sitting at the tall table doing Macroeconomics, Home Fix - the place where she bought 3M hangers, Harvey Norman - where she'd print all her photos, Xin Wang - pissed us off one time when their service was so slow, haha... And I could go on forever... Wish I'd suffer from amnesia.
Every night when I'm laying on my bed, mixed emotions start settling in. At first, I'd reminisce the past, our happy and sad moments together, everything we'd been through. I'd feel happy and warm in the heart, but when reality kicks in, sadness come visiting. I started asking myself why, how, what, hundreds, thousands of questions... Then rage and anger will slowly consume me. Why am I alone while... ... Why did the both of us have to go through all these pain while someone else just enjoys the harvest? All these questions, no one can answer me. I try not to think about them, but I can't. And I know there are no solutions to what I'm going through. Only time. And of course maybe amnesia. Hahaha...
And finally, I'd calm myself down by reminding me that she deserves the happiness that I couldn't provide her with. And nothing else matter as long as she is happy...
Forgive me for the rants & complains. Its all that I have in me for now.
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