"Not telling you"

I want to move closer to you

I've wanted to get to know you since I met you

My heart pounds when I hear your voice

Since the day we first met, I've been absently daydreaming

As soon as I got introduced, I wanted to say hello

But as soon as I couldn't see you, my heart became mixed up

You disappeared, I’m worried to death

Will you be okay? Do you have someone to take care of you over there? I don’t know 

I nearly forgot to breath when you came close

At just your smile, my whole heart pounds

I want to tell you so you can realize the things in my heart 

But I don’t know if telling you right now would be moving too fast

I still don’t know how you feel

If I tell you those words, and your answer is no

If it’s like that, you’ll probably run away 

It’s perfectly enough already if I have you near me

I can hear your voice, I can take care of you from afar

I’ll keep my secrets in my heart

However much it gets to be, I refuse to speak them 

I want to tell you so you can understand my heart

Seriously, I want to tell you those words

But I’m so scared that I’ll be upset

If you can’t accept them, you’ll probably refuse to forgive me for those words 

It’s so frustrating, I have to keep it inside

It’s frustrating, I’m afraid that if I say it, I’m afraid I’ll be upset 

I’ll keep it away until I reveal my heart

I’ll wait for that day, the day I’ll be certain that you think I’m the one

And you’re ready to listen to the things I have inside 

I’ll tell you I love you so you can hear it closely

I’m telling you my love, do you hear me?

If it’s still not clear, you can listen to it again

Do you hear that I love you with all of my heart

- Backroom Audio

A foolish seeking game

I'm a simple person. I don't need to drive lavish cars or live in premium houses. I don't need to be so wealthy that I can travel around the world every quarter of every year just to experience the 4 seasons. 

I just need someone who I can love, and will love me in return. Someone who will count on me when she is feeling low and that I can do the same with her.

And for this "someone" that I seek, I will work to achieve the things mentioned above. All the things that I do not need, simply because she might want them. Or maybe it is these things that I do not need that will actually help me find what I'm looking for. 

Not a material girl hopefully. 

But what if she is? Well, if I really do love her, then so be it... Love is a foolish game after all. & fools, are sometime the happiest people on earth, don't you think so?

At 25

At this age, I'm starting to realise many things. Or rather my experiences in life thus far is starting to make me view life differently as compared to how I did before.

I'm starting to find girls aged 22 or below incredibly young. Feels like they haven't seen or experienced enough in life to "settle down". Oops, did I just made it sound like I'm looking to settle down already? Hahaha! I guess I'm still quite "green" myself to be even talking about experiences in life...

Materialism & cynicism are real. And we are all "tainted" by them. Shall not elaborate more on this because that's all there's to it. But I still believe in true love :D hahaha! I still believe in how 2 people, who has absolutely nothing (except for themselves) to give each other, can be together simply because of who they are underneath. & I believe I will find it someday. Okay, that was a lie. Ahahaha!

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" they said... And I think one of the simplest & enjoyable thing to do in life is to watch HBO or other movie channels on a 55" TV with your love one in the night of a lazy weekend till the both of you doze off. Like what I've always said, it's never really about what you're doing, it's about who you're doing it with. 

Okay, having a mental block already. Been reading so much stuffs through the computer screen at work everyday that I can't stand the combination of "alphabets + numerals + computer screen". 4 days work week coming right up! Ganbatte-kudasai minna! 

Geez, what an otaku.

Living dead

When you look at a photo of someone who you used to be real close with, do you get a feeling like, "really? This person used to mean so much to me?" And then you go on, trying to recall all the adventures, conversations and little moments y'all had. But they all seem so vague... It gets me frustrated you know... And sometimes I still think about how things would've been now if everything had worked out. I guess it's normal to think about stuffs like that huh? Yeah, it probably is.

I just finished the anime Code Geass. It was awesome. Now I can't sleep because I'm sad that it'd ended. That's why I try not to start on shows. Feels so empty when they end.

Work-life balance... I wonder what's that suppose to mean. I mean... I've never had a life to begin with.

A few more quarters & we'll be there.

I love the power of words. I love how words can sometimes convey all sorts of emotions. Like words in a book, lyric of a song, motivational posters or even the now popular internet "meme-s". It's hard to describe, but you'll understand when you feel it, the moment when words bring back certain memories, make you think of something, somewhere or someone.

Alright, this is a rather random post. I'm just astonished by how fast time flew. I swear it felt like Tuesday was just yesterday.

Just a quick update on my life. Working hard on weekdays. Barely have time to hit the gym even at night. Hectic days like these make me feel like spending my weekends in a peaceful manner. Simple meet up with friends etc. But I guess ain't nobody got time for me. Sounds emo? Hahaha...

Now I'm worried that I'd be left on the shelf, when I'm old and all boney. Where are you my beautifuk girl? Maybe I've met her already, but she doesn't see me, or is unavailable. Haha... Yes, I know... Love don't come just by writing a silly blog entry on the bed. We must have the courage to pursuit it, just like everything else in this cruel world. Ok, don't know what nonsense I'm babbling. Time to sleep.

We could be happy

Time flies. We're already creeping steadily pass the first quarter of 2014. Not much has happened. Still think of the past a little. About the life of a student, those frugal days, saving & growing every penny for the future that will never arrive. Real silly isn't it? Strange thing is that I'm still doing it, hahaha! But I must say... I truly prefer my current life. Except for that missing piece... If ya know what I mean. Hahaha! 

I'd heard much hype about this TV drama: My Love from the Stars / You Who Came From the Stars. & I decided to give it a shot, since I haven't really glued my ass to the chair for a while. & it turned out to be a great show! My favorite Korean actress! Jun Ji-hyun from My Sassy Girl! The main actor was alright, a little skinny for my liking but still, it's great to be tall isn't it? Sigh... Haha... What I don't like about TV dramas is that the happy moments always seem so short... Well, a summary/conclusion for the show: cherish your time with your love ones because you have no idea how many others out there are dying to have just 1 more moment with theirs.

That's all for tonight. May everyone be happy in the many many days to come. 

Love is...

Love is when you see a woman and think that she is so beautiful & in a sea of people, she is all you can see. It is like she is that sole sparkling star while others are simply part of the dark sky. 

And love is when you see her, and you thought to yourself, "god damn... She is so beautiful." But to everyone else, she is just so ordinary.

One of the worst kind of people

Woman: "Omg, I'm becoming so fat! All I do is eat & eat..."

Man: "Glad that you noticed, time to do some exercises, let's go jog at night!"

Woman: "Don't want la, so late & tired after work, where got time and energy. Still have to wake up early for work the next day."

Man: "I think it's just a matter of how badly you want it. If something is important to you, then you'll make time for it, you'll find that extra ounce of energy to make it happen."

Woman: "Ya la, ya la, I'm not as energetic, disciplined & determined as you."

Man: "... ... ..."

People who complain but refuse to do anything to change things for the better.

Paths

One lesson I recently learnt in life is that sometimes, all we need to do is to take that first step, and other paths will reveal themselves to you.

The number of paths varies among individuals. Some have more, others less.  & one thing I know for sure is that none will be easy, else it isn't worth taking. Of course there are easy ways out, like striking lottery or finding a wealthy & suitable significant other. But how many are truly so fortunate?

They always say, "better be late than never". I finally understood its real meaning. No matter how far, difficult and risky the path is, as long as it leads to where you want to be, take it. Even if it might take 5, 10 or 20 years, so be it. Because it is always better to start late and progress slow than to never start and not finish.

One example can be: you want to be a photographer, but have no confident that it can bring in a substantial amount of income as a profession because you have mouths to feed at home. Then take the long path. Keep this dream/passion/hobby close to your heart, devote 10% or whatever of your energy and time to it while spending the rest on a job that can keep things going. Few years down the road, when all become stable, with some savings, its never too late to relive that dream. The only time when it's too late is when we are dead. However, this is provided that if you still possess that passion and have the courage to pursuit it.

Cause you see, every time when we choose a path, we'll eventually get to a crossroad & then we'll have to choose again. And all these paths, they change people. So who you are now... Might not be who you think you'll be in the future. Nobody knows.

Ok just scribbling nonsense cause I can't sleep. Peace. Happy belated Valentines' Day.

The most important things in life.

Happy Lunar New Year everyone! I hope y'all had a great weekend, be it collecting 红包, gambling or traveling! & since a new year is sort of like a new beginning, I shall share with everyone what I feel are the most important things in life.

Coming in 1st place is definitely our Health & Well-being. Without good health, there is really very little we can do. Restrictions on certain food and activities can take away so much in life. As a matter of fact, it may also cause woes to people who care. So please take care of your health! I guess little needs to be said, we all know what are the good and the bad. If your health is already on the down side, then start doing the right thing from now on.

2nd place goes to Family and Friends! Of course I think family is more important than friends because let's face it, they are the ones who will be there when shit happens. & I know it's not the case for everybody, therefore I decided to have "friends" in 2nd place as well. With the right friends, people can go a long way. "The right friends" are hard to come by, but these choices are something only we can make ourselves. And when you find them, treat them well, like gems, because friendships require polish. The more you polish your friendships, the brighter they glow. & like gems, if you leave them just as they are, dust will settle, subdue the shine & eventually become as dull as a regular rock. Cherish the friendships you now have and consider rekindling those that once shone brightly.

3rd place goes to a good Job, a job that you enjoy, a job with good colleagues and maybe decent prospect. With a job like this, life will be so much easier. Do some calculation and you'll realise that we spend more than half of the time in our lives working. So choose a work that you won't dread going to when you wake up every morning. A job is also important because it provides us with income. That is why I believe that job is more important than money because if there is no job, there is no money. And a job keeps our mind engaged, which makes us feel alive, to a certain extent.

Lastly, and unfortunately, Romance had to come in 4th. Hahaha! Well, not exactly... Cause you see, without good health, it'd probably be hard for someone to fall for you. Even if there is, can you bear to let the woman/man you love worry about you everyday? So health, number 1. 

Next is Family & Friends. Remember that time when your girlfriend/boyfriend walked out on you? Who were the people there for you? I'm sorry if you had to go through it alone, but for most, I believe it's family and friends. 

Finally, Job. This is simple. No job, no money, no honey. FYI honey = romance. Just to add on, in our current age (era/time), sad, but the truth, a simple job is not enough to get you honey. You're going to need a good job, with good pay to get your honey. Cold hard truth. 

Well done if you managed to make it here, what a long wordy post! Haha! The above are just my 2 cents view :D have a goodnight everybody. Peace!

What is wrong with me?

It's like something is keeping me closed when there is really nothing at all. Like I want to speak 90% of the time, but decided not to. I know I need to talk to people more, be friendly and all sociable. But I find it kind of hard to do... Maybe the term "forever alone" is made for people like me. I really need to sign up for dating services. Or maybe counseling. I just need to free myself from this invisible or non-existent chain. That is what I really need to do.

And I realised that I'm so bitter. Shall name myself "bitter-god" from now on.

Looking forward to nothing is what that's keeping me alive.

One of the worst feelings in the world is to come home everyday after work with absolutely nothing to look forward to except maybe the weekend. And when the weekend finally arrives, you realize that all that awaited you is emptiness. You browse through your phone book, message a few friends and you actually feel glad to receive replies, although they indicate "not available", because at least they replied. Others simply didn't care. I guess everyone has their own commitments to attend to at our age.

Then you end up roaming the street alone, having the idea that you might meet someone just like you; bored, lonely and just living. But it'll never happen. Pubs and clubs are good ideas, but what if you find staying up late out there after midnight so tiring? Maybe that is call stepping out of "comfort zone". 

The next thing you know, it's Monday. You'll come home after work, thinking of ways to look for a companion, but none seems applicable. Then you'll realize that maybe the most realistic one is probably going to a club or pub this coming weekend. So you start looking forward to the weekend once again... And again... And again...

You are truly blessed if you cannot comprehend such feeling. It means you have never truly been alone. And this kind of loneliness, I believe, can only be understood by people who are genuinely going through it.

So far so good!

Hi, a quick update on what & how I've been doing. Work has been good so far, maybe it's because I'm still fresh and still has plenty to learn. Work environment is good though, friendly colleagues and superiors, simply awesome. One issue about working in the city is the cost of food... I've been spending an average of S$5 on lunch till now. Oh well, at least there are plenty of office ladies (OL) to see :D and I'm talking about quantity with quality here, ahahaha! Haven't been working out though... Either ended work late or too tired to train... Hope I don't become a fatty soon, hahaha!

With an occupation, my life is almost complete... Just lack of a soul mate, or rather companion. People have been telling me that someone for me will eventually come along. But I don't believe it. I believe that destiny is in our own hands and things happen because we want them to, because we make them happen. Well, of course if a woman got love struck and initiates to talk to me, then I'd truly call it destiny. Hahaha! But this will never happen. Moreover, like I always say, "a man got to do what a man got to do." Destiny only apply to girls; when a man of their dream decides to approach them. That is destiny. For us men, we just got to make it happen. Tough huh?

I'm so into this Thai celebrity these days. Knomjean! Hahaha! She is fine! I guess single man will always look for some female icon to worship, like how I worshiped Girls' Generation 3 years ago, hahaha! Fills my empty heart! Ya know what I'm saying?! Hahaha! Goodnight & peace! :D

Time to Slog My Guts Out

This is it I guess. Quote of the day, or rather of this whole new adventure: 

"I want to remember that no one is going to make my dreams come true for me... It is my job to get up everyday and work toward the things that are deepest in my heart... And to enjoy every step of the journey rather than wishing I was already where I want to end up."

You know what is the worst part about falling in & out of love? It's when you can remember all the first times that you shared with your partner & simultaneously the last times. It's not a good feeling. But it's something we have to deal with. Just like stepping into a whole new environment, knowing new people, who will eventually become colleagues, taking on new responsibilities, and so on. With that being said, I'm still freaking nervous!!! The anxiety is killing me!!! Hahaha... Gosh, how I wish I have a Significant Other (SO) now. Then I can rant to her & maybe she can calm my soul. 

In my dreams then, goodnight and peace :)

New Phase of Life. Embrace it.

Today is probably the last Sunday that I can take it easy & not have that "oh shit, it's Monday tomorrow" feeling. But who knows, it might turn out to be "oh yeah, it's Monday tomorrow." Hahaha! Wonder what awaits me... Well, whatever it is, I got to be ready. I have to be. Gosh, I can sense a sleepless night tomorrow already... The anxiety always gets to me.

Do all these transition phases in life reminds you of the past; all the walks you'd took, the journeys you'd made? We've definitely came a long way, didn't we? First day into Primary school, then to Secondary, Polytechnic, National Service & finally University... Come to think of it, the transition from NS to University was the easiest to me, simply because there was someone dear with me. Oh well... Like I said, some walks we have to take alone, right? Just hope that I don't have to take this walk of life alone. Hahaha... 

Watched so many movies these few days. Mostly those that I'd missed. The Great Gatsby, Hangover 1, 2 and 3, Man of Steel, Lone Survivor, Battleship, We Bought a Zoo, The Hobit: Desolation of Smaug and The Wolf of Wall Street. I think that's about the amount of movies I'd watched in the whole of 2013, hahaha...

Some people say that they enjoy "alone time"... But I think that to be able to truly enjoy being alone, one has to be complete, to be leading a vibrant or hectic life. To me, being alone is just pitiful, or maybe because I've had too much of such "alone time". I wasn't like this in the past, but now, it just reminds me of how lonely I really am. It's sad, but it's the truth. Maybe I haven't gotten used to not having someone around... Been 5 months huh... Let's hope things get better starting next week. Peace.

Just a Reverie. Just.

I’d dream about that moment when I would go down on my knee like a chivalrous knight, only to be armed with a ring, and ask her if she’d marry me.

I’d imagine looking deeply into those alluring eyes; probably for the millionth time now, slowly swell up with tears as I waited for a reply. She would have both her hands clasped together, leaving only a tiny gap to cover her lovely lips & adorable nose. Yes, just like that typical action people always do when in shock.

I figured that she’d be too astounded to react & allowed her another 6 seconds before asking again, “Will you, my sunshine?” Then maybe she would lower one of her hands, the hand which gap fits flawlessly into mine, and I would held it so gently, as if handling a new life. Following after would be a familiar quivering voice, “Yes, I will.”

By this time, I’d be overwhelmed by immense joy, my heart racing with excitement. But I had to contain it. I had to, because the ring was still in my possession. Not for long though. I would then gracefully slip that symbolic ring, one that’d bind us eternally, into her delicate ring finger. Then I’d stand up, all these while trying to find myself in her eyes, & say, “I love you.” Before locking our lips so tightly that nothing, absolutely nothing, not even death, could separate us for that moment in time.

"Dreaming about the things we could be."

I thought we were fine, that what we shared was like a tiny growing sprout. With time as nutrients, moments as water & hope as sunlight, I believed that we'd flourish someday. Maybe I had too much faith & forgot that "someday" might never come. I also believed that the differences & occasional arguments were like passing storms, merely a threat that every growing sprout must brave until they mature. But without hope for the future, like a sprout without sunlight, we perished.

I passed by the neighborhood mall last night & saw the zodiac forecast they'd display before every Chinese New Year & it felt like last week when we were just there reading those predictions together.

It's hard isn't it? For those of you who have been through it; to let go and move on completely... I guess the only way to be freed is to get entangled in yet another love story. One that might never come. Or one that might end as tragically as that passed sprout. Or maybe, if fortunate enough, one that matures into a sturdy tree which can brave any storms.

"You only need the light when it's burning low, 

only miss the sun when it starts to snow, 

only know you've been high when you're feeling low, 

only hate the road when you're missing home, 

only know you love her when you let her go."

Welcome to 2014! & more fragments of the past

Happy New Year everybody! How can I miss out the chance to write about something on this "epic" day of the year? The day of a new beginning, the 1st of January. Maybe not so on "the day of a new beginning" because I believe that any day can be the beginning of something new as long as you are ready to set aside the past, live the present & embrace the future.

However, & unfortunately, it became a rather emotional 1st of January for me when I decided to sort out my university notes. Those notes reminded me of the times when we'd go to school early just to get them printed. Some of them were printed by her at home for me. Every pieces of those paper reminded me of little moments we had. The statistic notes brought back memories from when we'd sit together and practice our ass out, questions after questions, pages after pages. This particular one, part of our Marketing Communication project, a story board drawn by her, actually brought a lump to my throat. Felt like it was just last week when we were juggling with all these projects together, camping in corners of the school or at friends' house... & when I was flipping through the stacks to see what module they belong to, I saw that familiar, yet now distant hand writing on some of these papers... Those words that she once wrote for my sake. It burns.

Sigh. Almost set my entire wooden study desk on fire. Burn everything once & for all... Oh well, I guess I'll have to deal with these sooner or later, might as well be today. I'm keeping those nicely bound notes though. For whatever reasons... What I truly find amusing is that I don't even feel this much from the gifts, yet of all stuffs, school / lecture notes... Gosh, I seriously question my sanity sometimes. 

Book: "Monday Morning Choices" by David Cottrell

I read this book, "Monday Morning Choices" by David Cottrell, recently and though that it's pretty good! I guess it falls into that kind of self-improvement & motivational category. Just want to share a tiny portion of the book.

Character Choices

1) The No Victim Choice --- Don't let your past eat your future.

Do I accept total responsibility for my success?

2) The Commitment Choice --- Be passionate enough to succeed.

Am I committed to paying the price of success?

3) The Values Choice --- Choose the right enemies.

Do I accept that there will be enemies who oppose my values?

4) The Integrity Choice --- Do the right thing.

Will my success be accomplished without a sacrifice of my integrity? 

Action Choices

5) The Do-Something Choice --- Don't vacation on "Someday Isle".

Will I attack complacency and do something daily towards success?

6) The Persistence Choice --- Learn from failure.

Will I hang in there, beyond failure, long enough to achieve success?

7) The Attitude Choice --- Take the enthusiastic approach.

Will I take a positive approach to the unexpected twists and turns of life?

8) The Adversity Choice --- Conquer difficult times.

Will I attack adversity, regardless of what happens along the way? 

Investment Choices

9) The Relationship Choice --- Connect with success.

Will I invest time in building positive relationships?

10) The Criticism Choice --- Embrace tough learning.

Do I accept criticism as valuable feedback?

11) The Reality Choice --- Face the truth.

Am I true to myself and all those around me?

12) The Legacy Choice --- Give your gift.

Do I share the gift of my experience and knowledge with others?

I know this sounds real cliche, but this is just the tip of an iceberg. The book provides great insights & reading it felt like going through a lesson about life! Good read if you are simply bumming around & feel a little lost in life.

What I think of Love & Relationship

Would you rather be single and spend lonely, empty nights by yourself or be attached to someone who doesn't bring out the best in you and only provides you with momentary happiness? To be honest, I would choose the latter anytime because it sucks to be alone. It sucks to not have somebody constantly on our mind, hoping that we are on theirs at the same time and it sucks to be siting around, wondering when is the "right" one going to appear.

But really? Is that what we really want? Maybe... If we're just searching for a short term relationship or simply a companionship, I'd say go ahead... But of course that is if you are game enough for the little heartaches & wee-hours-sadness that might tag along. Else I think we should just leave when unhappy. 

Seriously, what is more important than being happy in a relationship? & don't get me wrong, by that, I mean the happiness of our partner. I used to believe in trying so damn hard to please our partner & hope that they will be happy, that they will not leave us. But at some point of my life, I realised that this is all wrong. We shouldn't have to try so hard, in fact, we shouldn't even be trying because they should be happy when we are happy, just like how I'm happy when "she" is. That is what love is about. To me at least...

The woman (or man) that we love should not have to change a great deal just to please us. Yes, changes are inevitable. Actually I'd call it compromise rather than change. But if you find yourself compromising so much to a point that you feel like you're losing yourself and yet, happiness seems to come knocking a little too less often, then I think it's time to leave. Because we all know that history is just going to keep repeating itself, over & over & over again...

Just my 2 cent worth. I'm a noob when it comes to relationship or love issue. But one thing I'm 100% sure of is that the girl I love does not have to do a thing to please me. All she has to do is be happy, & I'll definitely be much more happier than she is. Regarding her source of happiness, it'll still come down to me because a man got to do what a man got to do, right? Ahahaha... Peace.

I wish someone had given me a box of "happiness" for Christmas

"There's nothing worst than not experiencing life for the fear of what it may bring."

I watched "The Great Gatsby" recently & I must say it's a decent movie. Made me realise how true love and obsession is just a thin line apart. To be honest, I don't even know if Gatsby truly loves Daisy or is he just obsessed about being with her. I think it's the latter cause... Watch the movie yourself to determine. Hahaha!

It'd been a while, "old" Christmas

"... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on." "... Because I've moved on."

Merry Christmas (:

"This is what every girl wishes they could say to their greatest heartbreaker"

This is a marvelous piece of work from the Thought Catalogy. I'd like to say these words to my heart breaker too, does that make me a girl? Haha. What a cold and windy Sunday, Brrrr... Suddenly feel so sick of all the lies people had told me, even if it's for my own good. Or was it to protect their own skin? I don't know, & better not to.

"I think you know how you broke my heart and how much pain you’ve caused. I was too scared to admit that you almost broke everything about me. I actually didn’t have time to think about your feelings when we broke up. I was busy trying to bounce back, living one day at a time. I’ve seen this a thousand times. I’ve seen how girls broke down after a painful breakup.We were friends and you know my story. I was the happy go lucky girl who didn’t believe in commitments, labels, promises, all those things they say about falling in love. I was skeptical about everything.

I built this very high wall to protect myself. I had all kinds of girl issues! All these things changed when I met you. I allowed you to affect me. I let you label me (as a girlfriend). I obeyed you. I agreed to your terms. I compromised. I settled. You became my life. My love.

I was so sure about us. I was so ready to make everything right this time. No more walls, issues, and setbacks. I was determined to never commit the same mistakes again. I loved you so much. I allowed you to be part of everything about me.

So when things didn’t work out, my world collapsed. From Day 1, I decided to fight for you. You were a lot to lose, like I told you, so I just waited. I believe I was never the clingy-needy type so I just waited for you on the sidelines, waiting for you to come back. But you didn’t. You moved on without saying a word. It was so hard for me to recover. I didn’t think I would still have a chance to be extremely happy. The hardest to let go were the memories: our laughter, our sweet nothings, our adventures, and misadventures. I believe we had so much fun together. The hardest part was accepting that you’re gone and we won’t have that much fun anymore.

I guess I really loved you too much that I forced myself to cut everything and just let you be happy. I let you move on. I just trained myself to accept everything wholeheartedly. I tried to be happy for you. Well I did become happy for you, in the long run. I was okay, in the long run.

Looking back, I still believe everything was worth it. I was happiest to be with you. I wouldn’t change anything. So I still want to thank you. Thank you for all our adventures and misadventures, everything I learned from you. Everything was worth every tear. And thank God I learned to get a hold of myself even if my world was crumbling to pieces. You made me realize that I still love myself. I also hope you find the peace, success, and love you deserve."  - By REJ TANAEL

Something about you

There is something about the way you smile that makes me fall head over heels for you. & there is something about your smile that makes the smile of everyone else seems absolutely bland.

Wow. Christmas & New Year will be over in less than 2 weeks. It'd been one hell of a year. Yes, one hell. Maybe I should write a post that summarises my entire 2013. Actually I can do it now. Workout, Taipei, heartbreak, Boracay, graduate & jobless. That's about it, short & sweet :D

And my New Year Resolution for 2014 is to not change a thing. Except to get employed. Or maybe know more people/friends. The rest are either too insignificant to be called a resolution, way too out of reach or not going to happen in 2014. Or is there something I should change to improve myself? Like workout less often or be meaner to people? Let me know! Peace.

Polaroids are the worst.

Polaroids are the worst. They remind you of all the beautiful moments which are over & gone, that the people in it are no long who they used to be and what makes it really evil and dreadful is that you can never bear to throw them away.

Passionate dream or Material dream

"Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want something, go get it. Period."

- Christopher Paul "Chris" Gardner

I've read & heard so many stories about people chasing their dreams and passions. Be it writers, bodybuilders or martial artists, these people have a goal in mind and commit 100% to achieving it. And this sets me wondering, "how come I don't have a dream so strong that I'd give everything to accomplish it?" Or did I just not have the courage to do so?

On second thought, I did have many dreams. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was young, probably due to some old time Hong Kong drama, haha... But I lost it when I got exposed to Science at Primary 3. It was when I decided to be a scientist because science then, was so intriguing. I mean it still is. However, this time round, I can't remember when and how, and the next thing I know is that I've begin my chase after the material "dream" that keeps us alive. I started living or working with the ideal of securing a job, earning big bucks, travel the world, buy nice cars, watches, find a girl, get married, start our own family and live.

Confucius once said, "choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." Seems like I'll be working for a long time. Hahaha! Maybe not, I might just find a job I love, hope is not yet lost! Haha! Well, what I'm really trying to bring across here is that I truly admire those who are not stuck in this rat race, those who live for their passion regardless of how much they are getting paid, as long as they're happy. But I guess if you are working for your passion, it's more likely that you'll succeed, right? Oh, one of my dream is to be a basketball player, but it's far too unrealistic, hahaha!

For now, & the many more years to come, I'll just have to work hard, so that when I have my own children, I can afford to let them be exposed to all sorts of extra curriculum activities, in the hope of them discovering a passion they'd die for. Letting my children live a dream that I do not have, maybe that's one sensible goal that I can work towards at the moment (:

On the 7th day to Christmas

It's kind of cold tonight. I went for a mini shopping trip by myself earlier on. I mean the kind where you roam around the mall, going into random shops just because a single item in it caught your attention. & of course not missing stores like Uniqlo, H&M, picking stuffs off racks just to try for fun. & don't you love shopping on weekdays? Queues to fitting rooms are almost non-existence. Thinking back, it'd been months (or was it years) since I last did this. I don't know, can't remember. Well, I'd been told to learn to enjoy my own company, guess I'm still trying to figure out how it's done. But one thing I do look forward to doing at night is sipping my chamomile tea while listening to folk/rock music... Alone.

I regret choosing the similar venue for our Christmas Eve celebration as the previous year. The memories, still so fresh... Sigh. Oh ya, this is a bad point of spending nights alone. It makes you cogitate, starting from something in the near future, to the ones further away, sometimes to the past but eventually links to everything. Take tonight for example. I thought about Christmas Eve, and it brought me to the previous Christmas Eves, and then it linked me to future festivals like Valentines' Day, Chinese New Years & birthdays. I guess this is what people meant by "same same but different" ( :

True or false: unhappy or stressed people seek comfort by eating. Because I seems to be feeling all ravenous lately. 

A night person I've become

Sometimes I feel like posting stuffs about my life, like what I did on a particular day, etc. But a part of me doesn't want to because it's pretty pointless right? Oh dear, why am I acting all sensitive? Haha...

My sleeping time is so screwed up these days... Sleeping at 2 am feels so normal. & when I said "sleeping", I did not include the time spent turning & tossing on the bed. So it'd normally take another 30 to 45 minutes before I actually doze off. And my wake up time? Gosh, I don't even feel like waking up until late morning. I really should do something about it... Soon. 

Anyway, had a tough time looking for a place to dine at earlier on. Potential places are either closed or too crowded. I rarely queue for stuffs. Or should I say that I only queue for special individuals, rarely for myself :D

Ended up here. It's somewhere
along Arab Street.

Nicely decorated, normally
described as "indie", which I'm not
too sure how does "indie" fits in as a
word that describes how a place
is decorated. I'll use it anyway.

If you noticed, I really like to play with
Depth of Field or Selective Focus
when taking photos :D

Food tasted alright (had pizza and rösti.), but value for money? I'm not too sure. Oh well, I fully understand that cafes aren't exactly the best places for dinners. Coffee was decent I must say...

I was a morning person, until I realised how peaceful nights actually are. How the darkness made me feel so calm. & the harmonious, hazy folk music playing at the background seemed to fuse in so immaculately with the silence of the night. But what really "converted" me was knowing that you too, would be awake at this unholy hour. That by staying awake at night, you and I, we'd be sharing the night.

A lingering trace

I've finally clicked on my Google Chrome after 5 months and all I see are traces of her. I'm not too sure what she did in the past, I think she synced her Chrome with mine, anyway, the theme, layout, which includes the bookmarks and shortcuts on our Chrome are the same. Or should I say were, because I've changed the theme, removed all her bookmarks and imported mine, since I've decided to switch over from Firefox due to the Android phone which I'm currently using. Tough decision, but I guess it's a matter of time (:

This song is simply beautiful. I know it might say something like "This video contains content from VEVO. It is restricted from playback on certain sites". Just click on the "Watch on YouTube". I promise you that you won't regret it. You know I seldom make promises, but this one, it's the real deal. No noisy EDM whatsoever, just pure goodness to the ear & soul ^.^

So, Zouk Out 2013 is finally happening tomorrow & Saturday! Y'all ready for it?! Well, I sure am! Oh wait, I'm not even going. Ahahahaha! Peace :D

Happy Birthday Sophie!

Mini birthday celebration. Happy birthday Sophie!

Birthdays are always the best opportunity to show appreciation to friendships :D 

There say friendship is not about who you've known for the longest or understands you the best, it's about who will be there for you when you need someone. But I happen to have friends who stayed tight for the past 11 years, understand me more than 99% of people I know and will be there for me when I need someone. How blessed (:

Lastly, I'd like to thanks Mr. Goh, the boss of the night, for his generosity :D

Memories Like Thorn-ed Roses

Some memories are like thorn-ed roses. Beautiful to look at, painful to hold (:

So today is 11/12/13 huh... I still remember spending 11/11/11 at Beijing, 13/12/11 at Desaru & 10/11/12 at Batam. Hate it when I'm sentimental like that, hahaha!

2014 in 20 days. You ready?

A back view that seemed a little too familar

Walking out from the gantry, my eyes picked a familiar figure off the tens of beings moving steadily through the station. She was queuing at the ATM machine which I have probably used for over thousands of time by now. Just the back view, but was suffice for me to tell who it was. I was uncertain at first, but the bag, t-shirt and hair (well the hair looked a little different though) seemed a little too familiar, almost like it was a permanent fraction of my mind. & like the person I know, she was busily chatting with a guy, her friend I presumed.

I continued my journey without saying hi. & I do not know why. However, after walking approximately 20 steps from where I last saw her, I had this urge of seeing her 1 more time, 1 more second, a second that might have lasted forever. I turned back to until she was within my line of vision, not too close, but enough to trigger some memories. Of us that is. Then I let out an almost non-existent sigh, not of sadness but relief, before walking off. I think she is doing well. I think, because I did not ask. Or rather did not have the courage to ask.

“Tomorrow Will Never Come"

“You will always be waiting for tomorrow if you don’t start living for today. You will always be waiting for the next big thing to come: the job, the degree, the partner, the house, the time to travel, the money, I could go on. Once you get into the mindset of perpetually waiting, you’ll also fall into the habit of not being okay with things as they are. Because more likely than not, you will get most of those things, and when they come, you won’t enjoy them because you will only be looking forward to the next thing.

You may want to retaliate with, well, there’s nothing to be happy about now, but you have to learn to make it for yourself. You have to learn to see it. You have to learn to be grateful and gracious and enjoy the very simple things. You cannot expect life to deliver to you what you feel you deserve. Because everybody deserves the best and not everybody gets it handed to them, so many times, you have to go and get it yourself."
- The Truth About Everything by Brianna Wiest.

Boracay Part III (End)

I'm at the stage where my day won't feel complete without at least a cup of coffee too. & sigh, need to go through another eye surgery soon... Oh well, there is no escape from certain things in life. Especially those we name shit.

[WORDY POST AHEAD]

So we'll be heading to Ariel's Point today! We met with yet another situation for this Ariel's Point adventure. We received a call from the organsier at 9am on Wednesday, inquiring about why didn't we turn up on Tuesday (previous day) for our trip? We were like "dafug? Didn't we book Wednesday?" So we checked the receipt and indeed, it wrote Tuesday. So please double check everything cause shit happens, & a little way too often there. Anyway, they said we could join the Wednesday trip if we paid an additional of 500 Peso (S$14) each. Of course we didn't agree, so we decided to head down and get things sorted out after shifting our stuffs to our second hotel (One Crescent Place). Fortunately, the person in-charge was there and was nice enough to let us join without additional charges (although I think it was also partially due to the rage displayed by one of my friends over the phone, hahaha!)

Ariel's Point

We booked the trip from Boracay Beach Club (the sole location for booking to Ariel's Point) on the first day of our arrival. It costs 1,600 Peso (S$45) and the meeting time was 11:00am at Ariel's House (by the beach at station 1). The package includes a buffet lunch and free flow of drinks (rum, coke, beer and mineral water) throughout the trip. By that I mean while on the boat going to Ariel's Point, at Ariel's Point itself and the journey back. 

It was a gloomy day and the journey there was cold and treacherous... The boat was pretty exposed (open concept), so waves came crushing in once in a while... Be sure to consume medication for sea sickness if you are prone to it. And do bring along extra clothes to keep yourself warm in case of chilly weather.

So it's basically free and easy once you reach there. Everybody leaves their stuffs around, I guess it's ok to have some faith or trust, haha... You can go snorkeling, kayaking, and cliff diving! Beware of the jelly fishes though, they string! I highly recommend this trip to Ariel's Point. Even if you don't have the guts to take the leap yourself, watching people stand at the tip of the plank for like 20 minutes, trying to summon every ounce of their courage for the jump can be pretty entertaining too. Furthermore, you get to meet & talk to people from all over the world!

Forget about the 3, go straight to the 5 metres. If you feel that it isn't much of a challenge after trying, go for the 8. The real challenge comes at the 15 metres. But if you know me, you know I'd say just do it since you're already there, do not leave the place thinking, "damn, I should have done it!". With that being said, do ensure that you have a good form. Maybe practice a few jumps at the 8 metres before taking on the 15. & of course, you don't have to do it if it's really out of your game (:

View of the 8 & 5m planks from the 15m.

The cliff jumpers!

On the way back. Damn it was freezing.

The journey back was worst... We met with a mini storm. It was pretty cold so we decided to have some rum with coke to keep ourselves warm. Played some drinking games with people we met there. Then I fell sick. The rest is... Not worth mentioning. Except for the care and concern from my friends, big thanks to y'all! Hahaha! 

Oh ya, there is a pretty famous cafe called Real Coffee & Tea. It's located at level 2, near Sea World Diving Center at Station 3. I couldn't exactly provide any rating since my taste was off due to my illness. But it's worth a go since its reputation is all over the net. I'd be glad to receive some feedback of the place as well.

And I really should recommend the 2nd hotel we stayed at, One Crescent Place. It's located at Station 1. Beautify place with superb customer service. Actually I'm not too sure cause the boss happened to be around when we were there. So... Figure yourself, hahaha! Seems pretty new, in fact they were renovating the rooms on the top level during our stay. Cosy and nicely decorated with decent breakfast. & they even have a "mini-library" at the hotel lobby!

I guess that's about all I've got to share for this trip. The rest is for you to experience and explore, else it wouldn't be an adventure, would it? (: nevertheless, feel free to ask me anything (by "anything" I mean anything, doesn't necessary have to be related to Boracay, ahaha! Okay, just talking trash). Wordy post, but worth a read! In fact every damn entry on this blog is worth a read! Hahaha! Peace.

Boracay Part II

We stayed at the Sheridan Villas during the first 2 nights of our trip before shifting to One Crescent Place. Sheridan Villas was alright. Level 1 consisted of the living room, a kitchen and restroom while level 2 was the bedroom & another rest room. Nice place, friendly hosts, just that we were there at the wrong time. Due to Typhoon Haiyan the entire island was experiencing power surge here & there. So it was wake up call for us when the AC went off in the mornings, haha...

Breakfast. I know doesn't look appetizing, but was alright for me :D

From the previous night.
View from this shop that sells tasty crepes and alright churros!

We decided that day 2 will be water sports day! Oh, 1 thing I must mention about White Beach is the extremely high level of touting. Every 8 steps you take, there is bound to be someone asking if you want to play water sports, buy sunglasses, hats, waterproof pouches, or some wood carving thing. So live with it, hahaha! Don't worry about negotiating/bargaining since there are so many of them around.

Moving on, we managed to get a deal which consisted of flying fish (something like banana boat, just that the float literally flies off the surface), helmet diving and island hopping at 2,000 Peso (S$57). Helmet diving was alright, good experience I must say, but too boring for me. They actually provided a CD with a video and some photos of us underwater, pretty hilarious. Island hopping includes lunch (which took damn long to be served) on an island and 2 snorkeling trips somewhere. The current was so strong and honestly, there wasn't much to see... So I wouldn't recommend this, especially if you aren't into snorkeling, or afraid of large amount of fishes (not that there were many to begin with) :D

Island hoppers!

Where is my lunch... I need to lie down, so hungry...

Did not have fun for this one.

It should be around 3pm when we went back to Boracay island. Headed back to our hotel to wash up, played some card games, had instant noodle before heading out again. We had Yellow Cab Pizza for dinner, which I recommend trying. It was good! Roamed around looking for clubs and pubs when we realised that it was still too early for parties. Shall not elaborate much on this part cause it really wasn't much, haha! The point is that parties start at around 11 - 12am... There are still pubs with acoustic live bands and some road side vendors to check out though. Lesser touting at night, and the land breeze at night... Chilling! Oh, we had this Reyes Barbecues for dinner on day 1 and all I want to say is... "Try at your own risk" :D

Ok, I'm craving for pizza now.

That's about it for day 2, stay tuned for the final installation of our Boracay trip!

Grad trip to Boracay!

Hello, it's a boring Thursday afternoon. I found a packet of 2-in-1 instant coffee and mixed it with a 3-in-1 instant coffee. The result? Kopi ga-dai or fucking sweetened coffee. Haha, sucks!

Ok, back to topic. So the 5 of us decided to head to Boracay, one of the most beautiful beach in South East Asia. Trust me, this is not an overstatement & its reputation definitely precedes it. This place toss Kuta of Bali and Phuket of Thailand right to the back! I guess we can skip places like Batam & Bintan, they are un-ranked on my list, hahaha!

 A quick summary: we took the Singapore - Manila - Caticlan - Boracay route. In other words, we flew to Manila from Singapore, transit to a domestic flight to Caticlan then boat to Boracay island!

The Departure Situation - Singapore

Here comes the story, our domestic flight from Manila to Caticlan got cancelled on the day of our trip, and we couldn't book another set of tickets because 48 hours is required to process the credit card payment. So we figured that life itself is an adventure, and decided to only purchase our tickets when we reach Manila! We flew with Tiger Air and departed at approximately 2am.

Picture with Spongebob before moving out.

The "Scam" - Manila

Touched down at Terminal 1 of the airport at around 6am in the morning. We were supposed to purchase the transit tickets at Terminal 3 but got "scammed" when we sought assistance from a guy in uniform. Some airport security I think... He told us Terminal 3 doesn't open so early and that we should head to Terminal 4, which offers a wider range of airlines to Caticlan. So we gullibility believed him and boarded a taxi, which I believe belongs to his acquaintance. It cost us 300 Peso (S$8.50) for a 5 minutes ride to this travel agency which again, I believe is somehow affiliated to them. The travel agency tried to sell us air tickets at double the price of what airlines would've offered. If I never remember wrongly, it was around 7,000 Peso (S$200) each. How ridiculous... Fortunately, we managed to reject their offer and took a cab at 150 Peso (I think) to the real Terminal 3.

There are basically 2 airlines, the Philippine Airlines (PAL) & Cebu Pacific, that fly to Caticlan. Cebu Pacific was cheaper, but sold out, so we settled for PAL, which cost around 4,800 Peso (S$140) for the 8:15am flight (earliest available). We bought our Philippines SIM card (by Globe) while waiting. I think it was 400 Peso (S$12) for one with unlimited data (which was almost non-existent) and 700 Peso (S$20) for unlimited data plus 100 minutes talk time? Can't really remember... Anyway all of us bought the 400 Peso plan. I just had to stay connected, don't ask why :D

Our domestic flight! Small & cosy plane.

Enjoyed the view to Caticlan!

It took around 1 to 1.5 hour, not too sure, kind of knocked out half way through, haha!

Caticlan to Boracay Island

There are some fees (inclusive of tricycle ride to ferry terminal) to settle once you reach this place, can't remember how much though... Anyway, the tricycle ride should be fast, like 5 minutes to reach the ferry terminal. You'll then travel by sea for around 15 minutes to the legendary Boracay island! The time should be around 10:15am if everything went smoothly. You can then take another tricycle ride to your hotel from there. Price varies among places. We paid 150 Peso (S$4) each for 2 tricycles to station 3. Anyway, at the end of the trip, I found out we got scammed cause it's actually possible to squeeze 5 people with all the baggage in 1 tricycle for 150 Peso. @#$%! Hahaha!

Wah, silky hair floating all over

The beach that I know I must return to some day.

This is real!

Checked in and went to D Mall at station 2 for lunch. Had some burger at a restaurant next to Share Tea. Yes, they have Share Tea! Hahaha! D Mall is basically the center of White Beach. Plenty of shops and restaurants. Food ranges from 150 (S$4) to 350 Peso (S$10) but it really depends. You will survive if you are a carnivore but don't expect much from the food. If you do not know what to eat, go to the one with the most patrons, should be a safe gauge, hahaha! Will touch on this in another post, this entry is getting too long...

Dark clouds... No worries, it's always windy
up in the sky, so the clouds move
along pretty quickly

This is called Willy's Rock!

Just feel that this photo is upload worthy, cause it's taken by me
:D

So we basically explored the beach, went to book our Ariel's Point trip at Boracay Beach Club, tried the infamous Jonah's Fruit Shake & Snack Bar (yes, it's good, go for it!) and finally headed back to the beach in front of our hotel to swim under the setting sun. And not forgetting drinking by the beach at night with the company of great friends & music by the live band & the occasional sound of waves clashing the shore... Damn! These are what I call moments that take our breath away! Haha! That's about it for day 1. Stay tuned! Peace.

Just another random post

Was scrolling through my Instagam and was staggered to find how fast time had passed. Approximately 5 months had flew by since Taipei, 6 months since my birthday and 10 since Valentines' day. And I didn't even blog about Taipei. In fact I didn't even blog that much during that period of time. What was I doing? I have no idea. Maybe I should briefly blog about my recent Boracay trip soon before those memory fades away, together with the hands of time...

Went for teh tarik just now and something stupid happened. We "unknowingly" left without paying and nobody stopped us. Funny thing was that we stood around the road side of where we sat, chatted a little before walking off leisurely. It was only after 2 traffic lights before my dear cousin realised that we had not paid and of course, being a honest and upright chap, he offered to turn back to make payment. - Did I sound like I wouldn't have done the same? Of course I would :D

Sigh, gloomy December, making me all moody. Oh wait, "it's not you (December), it's me". Haha... ( :

Those Eyes

I see her eyes when I close mine. Those bright & enchanting eyes, like a diamond among the starry sky.

Those alluring eyes. I miss, & not miss them at the very same time, for I see those eyes when I close mine.

Thoughts on a chilly Sunday

Just saw the news on the death of Fast & Furious star Paul Walker. It's truly saddening to know about this on a lovely Sunday morning. Life is indeed unpredictable, may he rest in peace.

Reminds me of the classic quote, "Live everyday like its your last". Well... If I were to do this, I'd be a real nuisance cause I'll definitely want to spend the last day of my life with the one who is constantly on my mind :D hahaha!

A random thought struck me this morning when I first opened my eyes. Few months ago, when I was comfortable with life, I did things that I thought is pretty lame now. For example, I spent so much time watching game play videos on YouTube. By that, I meant watching videos of people playing games. It's because I didn't want to spend money but want to know the plot & storyline of the games. Pretty lame huh? Haha...

& why didn't I spend more time visiting cafes & enjoying coffee(which we both love) with the one who really mattered? The funny part is I find myself doing it so much these days. Well, I'd call this growing through failures, haha! Do note that I'm not having regrets. Because I have accepted the fact that we'd never have worked out anyway.

It's great to have somebody isn't it? I'm sure it is, but the right somebody that is. Guess I'm still in the process of getting used to this loneliness. Having supper, tea break, taking random drive roaming about alone... It's pretty normal right? Yeah... I'll get used to it. Someday. Somehow.