Time is precious is an understatement

We meet many different people in our life, either from work, school, social events or even the streets. How would you decide of you want this particular person in your life? Because he is tall & good-looking? Humorous? Because of his character or personality? Or simply because he has made effort to show that he wants to be in your life too? Maybe that's what some called chemistry, while others called it fate.

But you know, even chemistry fades and fate sometimes runs out of time. Feelings change, like pages of a book or seasons of the year. We can't force ourselves to continue reading the same page of the same book over and over again. Neither can we choose to stay in summer eternally just because we like it. Things like these are inevitable. Changes, are inevitable. And we need the courage to face it, to accept these changes, because at the end of the day, we'll realise that it's time that we are wasting. & time, is in fact the most precious entity that ever existed.

Seems like I'd just ran out of time. Shall continue my grumble/rumble/mumble when I return. I wish time would stop when I'm with you; so that I'll never have to say goodbye, watch you walk away or spend nights like these thinking about you. But on second thought... I don't really wish for time to stop. Because I long to grow old with you.

1 more confused soul

Do you like your public holiday to be directly before or after the weekend? E.g. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Or would you prefer it like this PH that we are currently having? I personally like it this way. Makes the week feel shorter.

So... It'd been 9 months now. Gosh, why am I even thinking about this again... I don't know... Maybe I miss the feeling of being irritated by someone who matters. Or maybe I miss the feeling of trying to be committed to someone. Because all I have now is a job. It's all I think about. And I'm not kidding, I actually considered going back to office and finish some stuffs that don't even fall under the "urgent" category tomorrow.

I hate myself sometimes. And I think I have depression other times. But it can't be. I'm just over thinking. How can someone like me have depression? I mean, every time I step out of the house, I'd be like, I'm going out there & people are going to be admiring me. Even though I have nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Hahahaha! "You mad bro?"

What good are weekends?

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare

The shadow in the background of the morgue

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want

Where you can always find me

And we'll have halloween on Christmas

And in the night we'll wish this never ends

We'll wish this never ends

Where are you and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

This sick, strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting everytime 

And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides

Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday... Sunday... Mo...

If being myself means loneliness, then I can't be myself

It's exam period once again. The only difference is that it does not concern me this time :D Actually, I shouldn't say that it does not concern me. It does in a way because some of my friends are studying hard for their papers and can't hang out with me :/ Oh well, I wish all of you, my beloved friends/crush/cousin/stranger, all the best for your coming examination. In Thai language, we'd say chok di krap (or ka if you're female), which means good luck :D

So, it's 1st of May already... I read this somewhere: "One day you're seventeen & planning for someday, & then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today, & that someday is yesterday & this is your life". 

I spend lots of time thinking about what I really want in life. I come up with ways to change my life to the way I think I want to live. But none seems to fit. I wish I can cut the chase and find this one girl whose personality is just as I seek. Then we'd be together happily ever after. Hahaha! 

Can I really find/meet someone who is meant for me just by being myself? I'd say no if you'd asked me. Because being myself is too conservative and peaceful. As much as I love sports and adventures, I'm actually the kind of guy who loves to stick with close friends than meet new people. I'm the kind of person who'd go on a beach vacation, chill by the sea, complain about being bored but deep inside, enjoying the sound of people chattering nearby; of the crashing waves and the "nothingness" of being there. 

& I know that in order to meet that someone, I'll have to be somewhere out there... Out of my comfort zone, be at the right place & the right time. Somewhere... Movies that show introverts or wallflowers who randomly run into a girl, and then fall in love with each other... They are all lies. It can never happen in real life.

Guess I'll just live my life as I like. They say all that matters is that we are happy and what will be, will be. Right? -Ya, right.

Maybe I'm just not used to this loneliness yet. On second thought, I think I'm not lonely. Just single that's all. Ahahahaha! And maybe a little confused :D
Peace.

What about them that attract you?

What is it about the opposite gender that attracts you? For me, at first sight, without taking personality into consideration, it's got to be the eyes. The kind of eyes that once you've looked into it, you'd lost your soul forever. Hahaha, alright, that's exaggerating. It's hard to explain, it's like they are filled with mystery, one that makes you want to spend your entire life solving.

And then it'd be the smile. Many times I've seen girls who looked so ordinary until they demonstrated their captivating smile. Well, I guess that's the whole point of smiling, to steal hearts. Hahaha!

Tough week ahead! The only comforting part is that it's a 4 days work week! BKK soon, can't wait! Shall wish for a smooth week ahead before I sleep! Faan waan!

Losing sanity. Losing touch.

I finally understand why some people always have to chat on the phone or constantly text someone every night — because it's really quiet at night. When you are alone, all there is to listen to is the sound of the wind, either from your AC or fan, or maybe your own screaming thoughts.

Why don't I listen to music you may ask. To me, music is just another part of this silent. Maybe I'm just bored of all my songs... Or maybe what I seek is no mere sound of any form. It's communication.

I read somewhere that the reason for some people to always tweet / blog is because they have little friends to turn to. Made me wondered for a while and I concluded that it isn't true for my case. I just decide that I shall not bother anyone with all these insignificant thoughts of mine. Random tweets and occasion blogs will do just fine... I think... It's true that I have a small number of friends though. And decreasing as days go by.

A piece if advice for everyone who is a friend to somebody: people do get sick if you constantly reject meet up request. You may have all the valid reasons in the world. But we all know the truth — it is just that this "friendship" is of the least priority as compared to every other matters in your life. So please, if you are a friend to someone, act like it. Because I have given up, & I hope no one else will have to walk this path.

Can't wait to get married. Then I can hide somewhere on this planet with my beautiful wife. Hahaha!

Keep it real. Peace.

"Not telling you"

I want to move closer to you

I've wanted to get to know you since I met you

My heart pounds when I hear your voice

Since the day we first met, I've been absently daydreaming

As soon as I got introduced, I wanted to say hello

But as soon as I couldn't see you, my heart became mixed up

You disappeared, I’m worried to death

Will you be okay? Do you have someone to take care of you over there? I don’t know 

I nearly forgot to breath when you came close

At just your smile, my whole heart pounds

I want to tell you so you can realize the things in my heart 

But I don’t know if telling you right now would be moving too fast

I still don’t know how you feel

If I tell you those words, and your answer is no

If it’s like that, you’ll probably run away 

It’s perfectly enough already if I have you near me

I can hear your voice, I can take care of you from afar

I’ll keep my secrets in my heart

However much it gets to be, I refuse to speak them 

I want to tell you so you can understand my heart

Seriously, I want to tell you those words

But I’m so scared that I’ll be upset

If you can’t accept them, you’ll probably refuse to forgive me for those words 

It’s so frustrating, I have to keep it inside

It’s frustrating, I’m afraid that if I say it, I’m afraid I’ll be upset 

I’ll keep it away until I reveal my heart

I’ll wait for that day, the day I’ll be certain that you think I’m the one

And you’re ready to listen to the things I have inside 

I’ll tell you I love you so you can hear it closely

I’m telling you my love, do you hear me?

If it’s still not clear, you can listen to it again

Do you hear that I love you with all of my heart

- Backroom Audio

A foolish seeking game

I'm a simple person. I don't need to drive lavish cars or live in premium houses. I don't need to be so wealthy that I can travel around the world every quarter of every year just to experience the 4 seasons. 

I just need someone who I can love, and will love me in return. Someone who will count on me when she is feeling low and that I can do the same with her.

And for this "someone" that I seek, I will work to achieve the things mentioned above. All the things that I do not need, simply because she might want them. Or maybe it is these things that I do not need that will actually help me find what I'm looking for. 

Not a material girl hopefully. 

But what if she is? Well, if I really do love her, then so be it... Love is a foolish game after all. & fools, are sometime the happiest people on earth, don't you think so?

At 25

At this age, I'm starting to realise many things. Or rather my experiences in life thus far is starting to make me view life differently as compared to how I did before.

I'm starting to find girls aged 22 or below incredibly young. Feels like they haven't seen or experienced enough in life to "settle down". Oops, did I just made it sound like I'm looking to settle down already? Hahaha! I guess I'm still quite "green" myself to be even talking about experiences in life...

Materialism & cynicism are real. And we are all "tainted" by them. Shall not elaborate more on this because that's all there's to it. But I still believe in true love :D hahaha! I still believe in how 2 people, who has absolutely nothing (except for themselves) to give each other, can be together simply because of who they are underneath. & I believe I will find it someday. Okay, that was a lie. Ahahaha!

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" they said... And I think one of the simplest & enjoyable thing to do in life is to watch HBO or other movie channels on a 55" TV with your love one in the night of a lazy weekend till the both of you doze off. Like what I've always said, it's never really about what you're doing, it's about who you're doing it with. 

Okay, having a mental block already. Been reading so much stuffs through the computer screen at work everyday that I can't stand the combination of "alphabets + numerals + computer screen". 4 days work week coming right up! Ganbatte-kudasai minna! 

Geez, what an otaku.

Living dead

When you look at a photo of someone who you used to be real close with, do you get a feeling like, "really? This person used to mean so much to me?" And then you go on, trying to recall all the adventures, conversations and little moments y'all had. But they all seem so vague... It gets me frustrated you know... And sometimes I still think about how things would've been now if everything had worked out. I guess it's normal to think about stuffs like that huh? Yeah, it probably is.

I just finished the anime Code Geass. It was awesome. Now I can't sleep because I'm sad that it'd ended. That's why I try not to start on shows. Feels so empty when they end.

Work-life balance... I wonder what's that suppose to mean. I mean... I've never had a life to begin with.

A few more quarters & we'll be there.

I love the power of words. I love how words can sometimes convey all sorts of emotions. Like words in a book, lyric of a song, motivational posters or even the now popular internet "meme-s". It's hard to describe, but you'll understand when you feel it, the moment when words bring back certain memories, make you think of something, somewhere or someone.

Alright, this is a rather random post. I'm just astonished by how fast time flew. I swear it felt like Tuesday was just yesterday.

Just a quick update on my life. Working hard on weekdays. Barely have time to hit the gym even at night. Hectic days like these make me feel like spending my weekends in a peaceful manner. Simple meet up with friends etc. But I guess ain't nobody got time for me. Sounds emo? Hahaha...

Now I'm worried that I'd be left on the shelf, when I'm old and all boney. Where are you my beautifuk girl? Maybe I've met her already, but she doesn't see me, or is unavailable. Haha... Yes, I know... Love don't come just by writing a silly blog entry on the bed. We must have the courage to pursuit it, just like everything else in this cruel world. Ok, don't know what nonsense I'm babbling. Time to sleep.

We could be happy

Time flies. We're already creeping steadily pass the first quarter of 2014. Not much has happened. Still think of the past a little. About the life of a student, those frugal days, saving & growing every penny for the future that will never arrive. Real silly isn't it? Strange thing is that I'm still doing it, hahaha! But I must say... I truly prefer my current life. Except for that missing piece... If ya know what I mean. Hahaha! 

I'd heard much hype about this TV drama: My Love from the Stars / You Who Came From the Stars. & I decided to give it a shot, since I haven't really glued my ass to the chair for a while. & it turned out to be a great show! My favorite Korean actress! Jun Ji-hyun from My Sassy Girl! The main actor was alright, a little skinny for my liking but still, it's great to be tall isn't it? Sigh... Haha... What I don't like about TV dramas is that the happy moments always seem so short... Well, a summary/conclusion for the show: cherish your time with your love ones because you have no idea how many others out there are dying to have just 1 more moment with theirs.

That's all for tonight. May everyone be happy in the many many days to come. 

Love is...

Love is when you see a woman and think that she is so beautiful & in a sea of people, she is all you can see. It is like she is that sole sparkling star while others are simply part of the dark sky. 

And love is when you see her, and you thought to yourself, "god damn... She is so beautiful." But to everyone else, she is just so ordinary.

One of the worst kind of people

Woman: "Omg, I'm becoming so fat! All I do is eat & eat..."

Man: "Glad that you noticed, time to do some exercises, let's go jog at night!"

Woman: "Don't want la, so late & tired after work, where got time and energy. Still have to wake up early for work the next day."

Man: "I think it's just a matter of how badly you want it. If something is important to you, then you'll make time for it, you'll find that extra ounce of energy to make it happen."

Woman: "Ya la, ya la, I'm not as energetic, disciplined & determined as you."

Man: "... ... ..."

People who complain but refuse to do anything to change things for the better.

Paths

One lesson I recently learnt in life is that sometimes, all we need to do is to take that first step, and other paths will reveal themselves to you.

The number of paths varies among individuals. Some have more, others less.  & one thing I know for sure is that none will be easy, else it isn't worth taking. Of course there are easy ways out, like striking lottery or finding a wealthy & suitable significant other. But how many are truly so fortunate?

They always say, "better be late than never". I finally understood its real meaning. No matter how far, difficult and risky the path is, as long as it leads to where you want to be, take it. Even if it might take 5, 10 or 20 years, so be it. Because it is always better to start late and progress slow than to never start and not finish.

One example can be: you want to be a photographer, but have no confident that it can bring in a substantial amount of income as a profession because you have mouths to feed at home. Then take the long path. Keep this dream/passion/hobby close to your heart, devote 10% or whatever of your energy and time to it while spending the rest on a job that can keep things going. Few years down the road, when all become stable, with some savings, its never too late to relive that dream. The only time when it's too late is when we are dead. However, this is provided that if you still possess that passion and have the courage to pursuit it.

Cause you see, every time when we choose a path, we'll eventually get to a crossroad & then we'll have to choose again. And all these paths, they change people. So who you are now... Might not be who you think you'll be in the future. Nobody knows.

Ok just scribbling nonsense cause I can't sleep. Peace. Happy belated Valentines' Day.

The most important things in life.

Happy Lunar New Year everyone! I hope y'all had a great weekend, be it collecting 红包, gambling or traveling! & since a new year is sort of like a new beginning, I shall share with everyone what I feel are the most important things in life.

Coming in 1st place is definitely our Health & Well-being. Without good health, there is really very little we can do. Restrictions on certain food and activities can take away so much in life. As a matter of fact, it may also cause woes to people who care. So please take care of your health! I guess little needs to be said, we all know what are the good and the bad. If your health is already on the down side, then start doing the right thing from now on.

2nd place goes to Family and Friends! Of course I think family is more important than friends because let's face it, they are the ones who will be there when shit happens. & I know it's not the case for everybody, therefore I decided to have "friends" in 2nd place as well. With the right friends, people can go a long way. "The right friends" are hard to come by, but these choices are something only we can make ourselves. And when you find them, treat them well, like gems, because friendships require polish. The more you polish your friendships, the brighter they glow. & like gems, if you leave them just as they are, dust will settle, subdue the shine & eventually become as dull as a regular rock. Cherish the friendships you now have and consider rekindling those that once shone brightly.

3rd place goes to a good Job, a job that you enjoy, a job with good colleagues and maybe decent prospect. With a job like this, life will be so much easier. Do some calculation and you'll realise that we spend more than half of the time in our lives working. So choose a work that you won't dread going to when you wake up every morning. A job is also important because it provides us with income. That is why I believe that job is more important than money because if there is no job, there is no money. And a job keeps our mind engaged, which makes us feel alive, to a certain extent.

Lastly, and unfortunately, Romance had to come in 4th. Hahaha! Well, not exactly... Cause you see, without good health, it'd probably be hard for someone to fall for you. Even if there is, can you bear to let the woman/man you love worry about you everyday? So health, number 1. 

Next is Family & Friends. Remember that time when your girlfriend/boyfriend walked out on you? Who were the people there for you? I'm sorry if you had to go through it alone, but for most, I believe it's family and friends. 

Finally, Job. This is simple. No job, no money, no honey. FYI honey = romance. Just to add on, in our current age (era/time), sad, but the truth, a simple job is not enough to get you honey. You're going to need a good job, with good pay to get your honey. Cold hard truth. 

Well done if you managed to make it here, what a long wordy post! Haha! The above are just my 2 cents view :D have a goodnight everybody. Peace!

What is wrong with me?

It's like something is keeping me closed when there is really nothing at all. Like I want to speak 90% of the time, but decided not to. I know I need to talk to people more, be friendly and all sociable. But I find it kind of hard to do... Maybe the term "forever alone" is made for people like me. I really need to sign up for dating services. Or maybe counseling. I just need to free myself from this invisible or non-existent chain. That is what I really need to do.

And I realised that I'm so bitter. Shall name myself "bitter-god" from now on.

Looking forward to nothing is what that's keeping me alive.

One of the worst feelings in the world is to come home everyday after work with absolutely nothing to look forward to except maybe the weekend. And when the weekend finally arrives, you realize that all that awaited you is emptiness. You browse through your phone book, message a few friends and you actually feel glad to receive replies, although they indicate "not available", because at least they replied. Others simply didn't care. I guess everyone has their own commitments to attend to at our age.

Then you end up roaming the street alone, having the idea that you might meet someone just like you; bored, lonely and just living. But it'll never happen. Pubs and clubs are good ideas, but what if you find staying up late out there after midnight so tiring? Maybe that is call stepping out of "comfort zone". 

The next thing you know, it's Monday. You'll come home after work, thinking of ways to look for a companion, but none seems applicable. Then you'll realize that maybe the most realistic one is probably going to a club or pub this coming weekend. So you start looking forward to the weekend once again... And again... And again...

You are truly blessed if you cannot comprehend such feeling. It means you have never truly been alone. And this kind of loneliness, I believe, can only be understood by people who are genuinely going through it.

So far so good!

Hi, a quick update on what & how I've been doing. Work has been good so far, maybe it's because I'm still fresh and still has plenty to learn. Work environment is good though, friendly colleagues and superiors, simply awesome. One issue about working in the city is the cost of food... I've been spending an average of S$5 on lunch till now. Oh well, at least there are plenty of office ladies (OL) to see :D and I'm talking about quantity with quality here, ahahaha! Haven't been working out though... Either ended work late or too tired to train... Hope I don't become a fatty soon, hahaha!

With an occupation, my life is almost complete... Just lack of a soul mate, or rather companion. People have been telling me that someone for me will eventually come along. But I don't believe it. I believe that destiny is in our own hands and things happen because we want them to, because we make them happen. Well, of course if a woman got love struck and initiates to talk to me, then I'd truly call it destiny. Hahaha! But this will never happen. Moreover, like I always say, "a man got to do what a man got to do." Destiny only apply to girls; when a man of their dream decides to approach them. That is destiny. For us men, we just got to make it happen. Tough huh?

I'm so into this Thai celebrity these days. Knomjean! Hahaha! She is fine! I guess single man will always look for some female icon to worship, like how I worshiped Girls' Generation 3 years ago, hahaha! Fills my empty heart! Ya know what I'm saying?! Hahaha! Goodnight & peace! :D

Time to Slog My Guts Out

This is it I guess. Quote of the day, or rather of this whole new adventure: 

"I want to remember that no one is going to make my dreams come true for me... It is my job to get up everyday and work toward the things that are deepest in my heart... And to enjoy every step of the journey rather than wishing I was already where I want to end up."

You know what is the worst part about falling in & out of love? It's when you can remember all the first times that you shared with your partner & simultaneously the last times. It's not a good feeling. But it's something we have to deal with. Just like stepping into a whole new environment, knowing new people, who will eventually become colleagues, taking on new responsibilities, and so on. With that being said, I'm still freaking nervous!!! The anxiety is killing me!!! Hahaha... Gosh, how I wish I have a Significant Other (SO) now. Then I can rant to her & maybe she can calm my soul. 

In my dreams then, goodnight and peace :)