If I could steal you away I would... & I will steal you away

If I were to be a clothing brand, I'd be Undefeated.

So I went for my first interview today. The first step into the "real-world"? Maybe not... Now that I'm here, I actually wished that my "real-world" started on the day I received my O-level results. Oops, no more talks on "regrets"! Haha... My point is that I was too short-sighted in the past. So young ones, remember, it's always good to have goals, but "a goal without a plan is just a wish". (Can't wait to impart all these wisdom to my children, if I'll ever have any that is, ahahaha!)

Back to the interview: got to admit that I wasn't prepared, & of course, got owned. Haha, didn't expect interviews to be like this though. Well, I'm fresh and green, or rather I was, because I definitely gained some insight from this experience... However, being fresh & green is a bad excuse for this failure, I must buck up!

Still level 1, but I'm on my way there.

I guess it's good to meet some tough interviewers at the start (maybe they aren't tough, just that I'm too noob, hahaha). And I know there are tougher ones out there, but at least I now roughly know how to react next time if meet with similar situation.

Got to man the fuck up! It's a cold and harsh world out there! Hope I can manage the next one... Good thing I have awesome and supportive friends who I know will always get my back, especially those who provided me with valuable advices, aided me with my job search & wished me luck! Thank you all! (Particularly the clovers, big thanks) ;D - Why did I sounded like I already secured a job? Hahahaha! Long way to go!

Do nature really take its course?

Sometimes I really wonder why do I write down my thoughts and shits here. I mean it doesn't solve anything right? Oops, that's my realism acting up again. Haha, guess everybody needs to rant sometime, be it to another or at some place.

Realised that I tend to get excited over little things before further clarifications. And this has probably lead up to much of the disappointments I had in life. Maybe I'm overly optimistic... Haha, didn't know being optimistic can be a bad thing. Oh wait, overly is the problem! Remember? Too much of anything is no good! Haha... Actually, I'm not even sure if I'm an optimistic person to begin with :D

Sigh, I'm so confused. Things could've been so much simpler... Oh well, "could've been", "if only", screw these words! I shall grab myself some coffee! ... Maybe not, else I might end up counting cows tonight :D

"Life's a game made for everyone. And love is a prize."

It's over

So it's finally over. Took my B2B paper this afternoon. Feels easy, but I'm not sure. I mean we can never be too sure in life can we? All I can say is that shit happens. Haha.

So what's next? Find a job, work, earn some money, then what? Travel the world, buy nice cars, maybe a house few years down. Then what? All these mean nothing if there isn't someone worthy to share it with. A soul mate, a companion who we can share our happiness & joy, sorrow or grief with. Reminds me of the song "If I ain't got you" by Alicia Keys :D

Don't know why I'm having all these thoughts all of sudden. What does it takes to know if someone is truly "the one" for us? I guess it isn't simple & time is probably the only way. The risk involved is huge though, because time, once gone, will never return. But that is what growing up is about right?

Seems like I still have lots to learn & experience in life. How naive & silly (:

Is boredom all that awaits me?

Alright, we're done with Strategic Marketing. Left with B2B, which will be on this coming Tuesday. Not much confident with my Strategic Marketing though... Insufficient time and I hope my answers weren't too descriptive (considering that the professor is expecting analytical answers). Oh well, what is done is done. B2B... Sigh, feels equally lost.

I really wonder what awaits me on the weekends after all these are over. The thought of it makes me feel so lonely... But thinking back, wasn't I on my own for around 21 years of my life?  Haha... Yes I was & still am. So I guess I'll be just fine... Maybe I should stop thinking so much. Who knows, my job might requires me to work on weekends, or I'll have colleagues to hang out with! Hoo-ray! Or I might just run into the girl of my life tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow. Or the day after, after tomorrow. Or the day after, after, after tomorrow... Or the day after... ... ... ... ... ... ... Wait, why am I sounding like I have no friends? Hahaha!

Approximately 23 days away from paradise! Can't wait!

"Sometimes in life when you get what you want, you end up missing what you left behind."

What do you do when you feel like crap?

What should I do when I feel like shit at such hour?

• Drown myself with whiskey?
• Go for a night jog, walk or cycle? - No, it makes me feel more alone.
• Ask friends out to chill? - No, it'd be weird cause I have nothing to say.
• Study? - No mood. I know, we won't accomplish anything if we only work on days we feel good. I know.
• Write a FB/Twitter status? - Haha... I'd like to. But it's pointless. 90% of the people doesn't care & the other 10% are glad that I feel like shit. Is that it? Haha... Although I still do sometimes... & I should stop...
• Cry? - Later when I'm on my bed, cry myself to sleep. Haha.
• Write a blog post? - Yes, I need to rant, complain, confide, whatever you call it, to this cyber space because it won't give me any advices that I already know. Maybe you are thinking why don't I make this private? I don't know either, should I? Maybe some part of me wants to share my thoughts and feelings... Or simply because I need some fucking attention. Yes, it must be the case cause I realised that I didn't blog much when I had the full attention of someone until few weeks back, which was when this blog came back to life.

& why do I feel like shit? Cause I kind of took a ride down memory lane today. Too many places for me to handle in a day I suppose...

I didn't really think of myself as a victim. I just see myself as a man who lost something valuable & I don't blame anyone for it. I just wish that I can feel/be as happy as I was before I lost that something... That's all. But how is the question... (I know, we don't get what we wish for, we get what we work for.)

Anyway, went to Yahava this afternoon for some quality flat white. You don't find flat white in Starbucks or Coffee Bean because it's originated from Australia & New Zealand (the other 2 from the USA - duh).

Haven't been there for awhile...

Went to this Ssikkek Korean Grill BBQ located at the basement of Novena Square for dinner. An impromptu decision. Yes, I know I'm tight on cash, but... I still went ahead anyway, haha... Was $28 after GST and service charge. Decent place I must say... Reminded me of that time when we had the Hotpot Culture at Marina Square.

First round.

Sliced beef!

Wrap the meat, apply the sauce & yummy!

I know, this doesn't look appetizing at all.

Chicken wrap. Yes, looks like crap too due to my poor wrapping skill.
But the chicken is very well marinated.

Don't know what meat is this... Just eat!

Cooked beef slice. I know, looks like tree bark or skin of some reptile...
Probably due to my poor photography skill this time.

Cook this rib-eye medium rare. Taste great.

Was a real quick day for me, over in the blink of an eye... Oh well, nothing else to say, goodnight.

First time in 3 years.

Today is the first time in 3 years that I did not see her for an entire week or 7 days. Oh well, there is always a first time for everything right?

Why do I still think about stuffs like this? Have I not gotten over it? Sigh... Guess it's not as easy as I thought. Feels so pathetic...

Moving forward but still miss the past a little

10 days to Strategic Marketing and 16 to Business to Business Marketing papers. I am so not ready. Hope I'll be by then. Can't believe I missed out on some of the reading materials, will be going back to school and have them printed tomorrow.

Was digging through my drawer just now and found this Neoprint.

Hahaha... Brings back memories don't it? Remember this was taken during a Chinese New Year shopping trip at *SCAPE. Seems like what I posted few days back was true.

"Most of the time, I let myself forget, because it's easier. But then I find something... ... And the full weight of what's been lost comes crashing down on me."

Well, I'm sure I have moved on because this feeling is very different from what I felt few weeks back. Like when I see people post stuffs on FB about Taipei or some places we had been to, I do think about the moments when we were there. But I don't feel sad. I just... Kind of miss those moments, and at the same time glad that they happened. It's like a bitter sweet emotion I guess...

To be honest, I'm kind of afraid... Afraid that I'd go back to those days before I met her. Those empty days... Just living... Haha, guess it's good that I know of this 'fear' right? Then at least I can do something about it (:

Current priorities: Clear the examination! Get a job with decent prospect! Make it to and back from Boracay!

It's worth it.

Woooo! My Ultimate Ears Mobile Boombox is here! Time to enjoy some quality music :D

Last lecture of Bachelor Degree

 "It might be the final lecture, but definitely not the final lesson in life."

So today marks the end of my journey as a student. Well, it's not exactly the end, still have examination for 2 modules and 1 project to clear. But on 10th of October 2013, I attended the last lecture of my university life. From here on, we should only cherish the memories we had, the laughter, the fun and the little moments. From here on, we should keep moving forward. The endless opportunities out there awaiting us, seize them all! (:

Great picture. Stay tight!

We've come a long way my friends. Oh wait, 2 years plus aren't that long right? Haha... Guess I'm real fortunate to have met all these great people out of the entire cohort. Or maybe I didn't know them well enough to see their dark side? Hahahaha! Just playing...We all have a good heart. We do. May everything goes well for all. Peace. (:

New phone: Xperia Z1

So I finally got myself a new phone. Still trying very hard to get used to it. Feels great to have a larger screen! But it's kind of bright, despite adjustin the brightness to the lowest. And I'm writing this post with it! Haha!

So switching to android means goodbye to the game I used to play, Hayday. It wasn't just a game for me though. It was a bridge between someone very special and me. But I guess it's time to move on... And not forgetting Sims 3 of course :)

Somehow I miss the feeling of how I used to crack my head every Saturday and Friday nights, trying to think of places to go & things to do... But still ended up hanging out with our friends, doing nothing but chill in the neighborhood most of the time... Yeah, thinking back,  guess I was quite a failure, haha...

I want to sleep, but I can't... Bio clock is so screwed up... And this stupid fullstop button is so near to the space bar button, making me hit on the dot so much! Haha! & I seriously need to stop using my phone in the dark!
(oops, title didn't quite fit, only 1 paragraph out of the 4 is about the phone, ahahaha!)

All you ever want to say to an ex you really love

It's probably too small to read, so I typed it all out below.

http://favmy.com/2013/09/28/photos/1380383288/

"Hey, I know we haven't seen each other or even talked, in a long time... 
But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I want you to know that I miss you. 
Not like "I regret what happened" or even "I want to see you again." 
Just... "I miss you." Full stop.
It's strange to think that someone I used to know so well is now a total stranger... 
That I sometimes go entire days without thinking of you even a little. 
Most of the time, I let myself forget, because it's easier. But then I find something... 
An old letter, or a picture you drew, slipped in the pages of a book I haven't read in years... 
And the full weight of what's been lost comes crashing down on me. 
But this isn't regret. We had reasons for ending it, and they're as valid as ever... 
But back at the start, we didn't need reasons for anything. It all just happened. 
We didn't have common interests, or similar goals... We didn't even really get along that well. 
But we didn't need a reason to fall in love. We just did. 
The reasons came at the end, and everything that's happened since has been all about reasons. 
And that's good. It means one day I might find someone I won't have to say goodbye to. 
But a part of me misses just loving someone, and knowing they love you back, and that's all. 
I guess what I'm saying is, I hope things are good with you. I hope everything is great. 
I hope you found a love that's all the things ours couldn't be. And I hope I find that too. 
But a small part of me hopes that you still remember what it was like before all the reasons..."

This brought a lump to my throat. Haven't felt that for a while... Guess things can never be the same. It's a strange feeling, like I've moved on, but still miss her. Or does that means I have not?

Neck injury & phone to change

Hi! It'd been awhile. Currently at the project submission phrase and soon examination in the end of October. Haven't been doing much recently, just chilling with friends here & there... Waiting for school to end, earn some real hard cash & get on with my life...

I seems to have injured my neck few weeks back. It is causing immense pain to the back of my head when I exert strength, like my brain is being crushed or something. So I'm actually forcing myself NOT to hit the gym for a week. Haha, some people drag themselves to workout while I'm having a hard time trying to do the opposite, what a joke.

Oh! And I'm having trouble deciding what phone to get. My contract has expired since June... Planned to get iPhone 5S, but... Find it kind of boring... You know, like relationships, we need a change sometimes, ahahaha! Just kidding, if you know me, I'm the devoted as hell kind of dude :D - self promotion.
On a serious note, I'm looking at the Sony Xperia Z1 or the Samsung Galaxy S4. Z1 has not been officially released, so we shall see how it goes...

I hate doing project, reminds me of the past. Fuck.

"I AM HARDWELL" at Fort Canning!

Last night was a blast! Went to "I AM HARDWELL" at Fort Canning with some of my friends. Was my first event at Fort Canning and the atmosphere was insane! DJ Dannic kicked off the event at 7pm, followed by the main-man Hardwell at 9pm. All the jumping, screaming and arms waving... I think I burnt 1,000 calories in those 5 hours man...The amount of sweat was almost equivalent to when I play basketball, haha!

So we were in the crowd raving and it got so warm that I took my top off, and the funny thing is when we squeezed out to get more drinks, my singlet was gone! My newly bought $10 singlet from Cotton On! Hahaha! And there was 1 part where I jumped so much, plus the dehydration from liquor and sweat, I actually got a cramp on my left calf! Hahaha! But it was too uncool to ask for help or sit down, so I simply stopped moving, stretched while standing and waited for it to go away, hahaha! Took about 40 seconds!

In the crowd!

We were so drained towards the end of Hardwell's set! Good energy!

Me with the babes of the night!

Imagine all those hands waving with the same beat & rhythm,
yes, that was how awesome it was.

Went to Zouk after party but was simply too drained and dry to party hahaha! Just hanged a little before heading... Great weather, great music, great company, what more can I ask for! Remember the night, cause that's how it's feel like to be young & free! Peace!

Why do I workout so much? No idea

Hello, this is going to be the first blog post of my "new" life. & of course it is going to be about one of my hobbies :D

Sometimes I ask myself, why do I train so hard, I'm not even inspired to make it a career, like being a bodybuilder or personal trainer. Haha, I guess there is only 1 answer, working out has become part of my life, it's a lifestyle. A quick workout (including travel time) can take 1 hours 30 minutes, a longer one with 2 to 3 friends might take about 2 hours. Time like this is something I can afford to spend since I don't watch TV, don't watch television series/dramas online and don't play computer games.

Anyway, just had a great chest workout. This supplement below is the real deal.

I took it at 1620 with an almost empty stomach (only had fruits and 500ml soy milk at 1330) earlier on and it significantly improved my msucle endurance, not cool story guys.The only down side is when the caffeine effect lay off in about 3 to 4 hours, you'll feel the tiredness all at once, hahaha!

• Incline dumbbell press
• warmup: 12kg - 12 reps
• set 1: 20kg - 12 reps
• set 2: 22.5kg - 10 reps
• set 3: 25kg - 8 reps
• set 4: 32.5kg - 7 reps (assisted)
• Normal dumbbell press
• set 1: 22kg - 12 reps
• set 2: 25kg - 10 reps
• set 3: 32.5kg - 8 reps (assisted)
• set 4: 35kg - 6 reps (assisted)
• Standing incline & normal cable fly
• forgot what weight, just the usual weight we always do.
• Overhead pull over
• set 1: 20kg - 12 reps
• set 2: 22.5kg - 10 reps
• set 3: 25kg - 8 reps
• set 4: 32.5kg - 6 reps (assisted)
• Chest dips
• set 1: 12 reps
• set 2: 8 reps with 12kg addon
• set 3: 7 reps with 12kg addon
• set 4: 7 reps with 12kg addon

Then we went on to do 1 more triceps and decline situps before calling it a day. Usually I'd just stop at the 5th exercise, but today... Even now, feels like I haven't trained enough! Hahaha! Oh, another reason I train, so that I can sleep in peace at night :D hahaha! 走火入魔！

Welcome

Hi people who flocked here to read at my emotional posts. Please continue to visit this humble blog of mine. I'll try to reduce the amount of emotional posts in the future. Will definitely try to keep it as interesting as possible.

Thank you for the support in advance. & thanks for clearing my doubts.
P.S. I still insist that I didn't twist any facts though  :D

Still wondering

Guess nothing matters anymore. Sorry for all the nonsense. Just be happy (:

Every night since 6 weeks ago, I lay on my bed thinking about random, nonsensical things. But all of these things are of course, branched out from the same root.

I can't stop thinking about what does it means by "unable to communicate" with each other. What does couples of almost 3 years talk about other than current events like church scandals, things the government said, things that happened to our friends, what they did or said?

What exactly is heart-to-heart talk? I mean we spent much of our time together... We share the same group of friends, university or usual hangout clique... Who do I talk about if not them? She wanted me to talk about my 心事 and I said I have none. Guess I should have said that my biggest 心事 is the fear of you leaving me for someone else. Hahahaha!

Hobbies? Yes, maybe I should have took up photography, baking and Muay-Thai, then things might not have ended this way. She said that I always talked about stocks and investments. I mean that's something I do and I was merely sharing it. Isn't that communication?

And what hurt & set me pondering the most is when she told me that the way I treated her is no different from how I treat my female friends, who are also her friends. What the fuck is this? Did I care if they were tired after work or physical activities and went to pick & send them home? Did I worry about if they have gastric? Did I ever gave any fuck if they had lunch & bought lunch for them? She was the only person in the whole fucking world I ever said "I love you" to and she told me the way I treated & spoke to her is no different from other female friends?

Guess it's all excuses, lousy excuses. But it's okay because I know that the only reason is that my time is up. Who doesn't like new excitement to spice up their mundane life. Or maybe she's right, I can't communicate with people. I'm a fucked up uncaring introvert who keeps everything to myself. I really wonder if being with me is such a torture & caused her so much unhappiness. Hahaha! Oh well... Shall end by wishing her happiness. Peace.

Guess we had a rather unhealthy relationship

"Wanting to spend time with your partner is wonderful. If you didn't want to spend time with them, there would be a problem with your relationship. But, a relationship isn't exciting when you don't have new things to share with your partner. When you spend time apart, you are able to come home and tell your partner about your day. But, when you spend every moment together, you have nothing new to share with each other. You may also notice that the joy of spending every moment with each will begin to wear thin. This is because each partner will enjoy different things. Yes, you will have common interests, or you wouldn't be together. But, women may want to watch chick flicks, while men want to restore and old car. The time you spend apart will be rewarding. But, if you don't spend time apart, you could ruin what you have. To put things simply, you have to be able to have fun on your own before you can begin to enjoy having fun with someone else. Depending on someone else for your happiness is not healthy.

Okay, now that I've explained some of the downsides of spending too much time together, let's move on to what you can gain from spending time apart. First of all, spending time apart allows you to never take your partner for granted. When you spend time apart, you have time to actually miss your partner. Even if you just work at different jobs, it will be rewarding for your relationship. When you get home at the end of the day, you will have so much to share with each other. There is an old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." When you spend time apart, you ache for your partner. You long for the next moment that you'll be together. This is something that can only be achieved through spending time apart." 
- Amy Brantley

Going to school, attending lessons together, hang out with same group of friends, seeing each other at least 5 days a week, doing every shit together... No wonder... Feels kind of pity & unfair, but... Oh well... Wish I can turn back the hands of time... Haha... Guess her next one might just turn out pretty well  (,:

The right wrong person

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way.

But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

–Galway Kinnell

I'll learn

Don't know why, but I feel horrible today. 
She is all I think about the entire day. Can't seems to get her out of my mind. I can't stay at home. Because my mind wanders to where my heart is when I'm home. But I have nowhere to go. I don't want to go out alone. And I don't want to trouble people.
My right temporal hurts like mad when I exert strength. Can't even work out properly. Is this yet another test from God?

Best song to relate my feelings:

我想你已表現的非常明白
我懂我也知道　你沒有捨不得

你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著我　也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開

你要我說多難堪　我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
我沒有這種天份　包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多　我會一直好好過
你已經遠遠離開　我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份　安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你　是因為我太愛你