I Want You to Hear My Heart by Yes’sir Days ft. Fymme Bongkot

My whole heart is tortured every time we’re near

But I can’t tell you the truth, I can only keep it inside

I don’t know when you’ll know my heart

Please look into my eyes, look right there

And you should understand the things you see.

The person you see is completely broken-hearted...

I want you to hear the voice in my heart

Of how much I love you, but I don’t know what to do to get you to listen...

I want you to hear every feeling deep down inside my heart, that I love you,

I love only you, but I don’t know how to say it...

How much longer must I put up with my heart?

There are some words that can’t be hidden, just come and search my heart

And you’ll know how much I love you...

Feb berry blue

"爱是不是不开口才珍贵"

January of 2015 passed in a flash. Another year older, hopefully wiser at the same time.

Don't you wish the weather stays like this for the rest of the year? Gentle sun and cooling nights...

I'm thinking of going on a vacation soon. But I don't know where to go... Friends suggested Bangkok, again. Maybe it's time I go somewhere tranquil by myself. Kind of emo though... My adventurous spirit has long passed... We shall see...

Feel so tired emotionally... I'm probably a 65 years old soul trapped inside a 16 years old body. Or face. Don't think my body passes off as a 16 years old :P

Stepping into a brand new year - 2015

Happy New Year everybody! As a rather typical person, I shall write something to round up the year of 2014. 

2014 had been a year of transition for me, from a student to working adult. Still haven't find "the one", so I guess I should work harder in 2015. Hahaha! Maybe I shouldn't. Since they said that "it" will come along when least expected. Oh well... 

Anyway, I manged to secure my first full time permanent job in 2014. Love the friendly people and fabulous work culture in my department. Real fortunate to be in this company. I am also looking forward to receive the first bonus of my life in the coming months hehehe... 

Secondly, I'm absolutely grateful for the new friendships I made in 2014. Mostly from my workplace, others through friends. Maybe it's fate or affinity, I don't know, but don't you find it amazing when you can just hit it off with certain people? Yeah... Relationships between people are truly hard to figure. It'd also been a great honor to have traveled overseas with some of them. And of course, not forgetting all the good old friends who'd been here all these while. Thank you all!

Lastly, I'd like to wish all my family and friends good health and prosperity in the numerous years to come! Get hitched, make babies and write stories that will last many, many life times! Remember, gaining wealth may be important, but that 1 thing that should come before it is definitely good health! So... Have fun in 2015 y'all!

Merry Christmas 2014!

Merry Christmas everyone! Had a great Christmas gathering last night with my homies at Hotel Jen Orchardgateway (I've been wondering about why is Orchard gateway spelled as a single word). No special theme, dress code, or any fancy stuffs. Just a simple, homely drinking and gift exchange Christmas among good old friends.

Look! A "personalized" homepage
of the TV upon switching it on.

I also had the chance to work on my selfie skill. 

From the East!

From the West!

It was already over 9 pm by the time all of us gathered, kind of late for us to hit the pool... But it's all good cause some of us decided to go later (or earlier in this case) at 6am! Hahaha!

The 6:30am view from their infinity pool on the 19th floor.

The rest is... SOP. Except for the journey to buy Mcdonald's. Nuggets with curry sauce is definitely the best supper anyone can have after a light drinking session.

Few more days to 2015. Make the remaining of 2014 count my friends! And thank you, whoever you are, for bringing joy and fun to me this Merry Christmas! Hohoho! 

A little about life & Krung Thep

Life is such an irony. When I was all comfortable and contended with life about 1 year ago, I really enjoyed playing computer games (Modern Warfare) and hitting the gym, to a point where I find it hard to make time for my loved one & doing the things I love. And now that I have plenty of free time, I don't quite enjoy doing either of the above anymore. You're right, maybe it's me. Yeah, it's probably just me.

Oh, let's talk about my Bangkok trip a little. Was a great trip, had fun bringing my friends around, not that I'm real familiar with BKK, but I've been there 5 times so far, and thrice of those happened this year, so I guess the memories of the place was still fresh. Wish we had more time though... Well, it's always about the company :D 

If y'all plan to go to Talad Rot Fai, or directly translated as Market Train, my advice is to go there at around 7 to 8 pm with an empty (hungry) stomach and venture deep! I had no idea that the place was so huge! Over hundred of street-styled vendors right at the back! Not forgetting all the vintage artifacts which you can take photos with. It's about 20km from Pratunam Night Market or approximately 30 - 40 minutes travel time via taxi, depending on traffic conditions. Definitely a good place to spend the evening.

I found a pretty decent tailor through the recommendation of a friend too. It's called Newman Exclusive, located at Amari Watergate Hotel. Price for formal shirts are competitive, ranging from 750 baht to more premium ones at 3,500 baht. They said that you'll have to order the 3,500 baht ones in advance as they'll have to arrange for the clothes to be shipped from some mystical place. & I said, you mad bro? Ok, I didn't actually said that aloud, just deep within my fragile little heart.

I'm kind of looking forward to the year 2015. Part of it being the bonuses which I'll be receiving (what!? I've been working for 10 months already?!). Another part? Let's just say that I'm always looking forward to the future because it's the unknown that makes life interesting :D 

Geez, I got to stop acting all optimistic... Alright, time to call it a night. Peace!

Falling into the Mundane Life Cycle

After joining the work force for about 10 months, I'm starting to feel it. The rat race effect I'd call it. 5 days work week and the only thing to look forward to is the monthly pay day, followed by the bonuses, pay raises, and the cycle continues... Same shit different day bro.

Geez, I really shouldn't be whining, considering how much I enjoy my working environment, the awesome colleagues and modest benefits which I'm entitled to... Oh well, just going to work hard, grow my pot and harvest the fruits some day in the future. 

In a few days time, I'll be heading to BKK for the third time this year. I must be crazy. Where the hell is my much sought after beach vacation?! Alright, alright, I'll make it happen next year. Anyway, I believe that despite the same location, travelling with a different group of friends will definitely unlock a whole new chest of fun and experiences! 

Time to hit the sack, see y'all soon my friends! 

The Lost Answers

Nobody understands. The void that lives within us. The leaps that we can never find the courage to take. The unrequited love. The feeling of being an option; the feeling of having options. The future we'll never read; the future that may never come. The screams in your mind; the words left unsaid.

A feeling that you might have forgotten

"Anyone can catch your eyes, but it takes someone special to catch your heart."

When was the last time you allowed someone to enter your mind and somehow got them stuck in there for the longest time; from the moment you wake up to the moment you close your eyes. - Even that seems too short.

The image of his face forms naturally when you stare into blank, those bewitching eyes & mischievous smile, forever seem so fascinating no matter how many times you look at them. 

And the mere thought of sighting him among the crowd sets your heart racing. Yes, just the thought.

When will it be my turn?

"Even when you're crying you're beautiful too...

You're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and blues..."

Congratulations to our long time friend S and her husband for tying the knot last Friday. Always happy to attend the weddings of close relatives & friends. 

Despite the countless married couples around, I still find it hard to imagine myself getting married. Maybe it's because I'm still without a partner at the moment. I always believe that there is bound to be someone on this planet who is made solely for us. And I'm going to meet mine someday. Or maybe I've already met her, just that the part where our destinies are to intertwine each other has yet to arrive. 

But marriage is such an huge decision in life! I'd undisputedly rank it the No.1 decision in life if not for the thing called "divorce". & you should have already known, getting married to someone means spending the rest of our life with them, staying faithful and loyal only to them. Showering them with unconditioned love, care, concern and trust.

Oh well... I guess there isn't a need to excessively ponder over these. You'll know if he/she is the right person when the right one comes along. No questions needed. And you'll definitely put all those mentioned above into play. It's hard to put into words, but it's something like he/she is the first person you want to see sleeping next to you when you open your eyes every morning. In short, our heart will tell us if we truly want to grow old with him/her (:

Why am I even writing about this... Must be the haze. It's getting to me... Drink more plain water my dear friends! 2 public holidays in October! The 6th and 22nd! Hoo-ray! 

"O is for the only one I see"

Just returned from Bangkok. Awesome trip! But it was neither the food I ate nor the places I went to that made it great. It was the friendships I found.

Alright, time to snap back to reality. Enough of fun & feeling recharged already. Let's work hard together & make our days count!

"I look right pass them. Because I only have eyes for the one that I adore."

The Fallen One

I realised that I really like to work. It keeps me numb, keeps me occupied. When I'm not at work, I think about life. I think about the future & what awaits me. Is it loneliness? Or will I even make it there? I think about what should I do during my off days, about if I'm ever going to have my own kids. What kind of a person would my wife be, if I actually managed to marry one that is... And I'll constantly be looking for reasons and excuses to keep myself in the comfort zone.

But when I'm at work, all I think about is getting shit done. Making no errors, staying meticulous. I think about the money I'm going to make, about how I'm going to make more money with the money I just made. And followed by how I'm going to spend all these money, which I probably never will because all I do is work and reinvest. Oh well, I don't even make that much in the first place...

Have you ever read a quote saying, "some people are so poor, all they have is money"? Haha, I was thinking that it's probably because these people aren't making good use of their money. And then I think about those who are real poor, who don't even have money. Just absolutely nothing.

The truth is... I fully understand the quote. Which is exactly why I know that I can never truly be happy. Because all I feel is nothingness. I don't feel anything... Just nonchalant about life. Just living.

Why? Maybe it's because I've given up. I've stopped trying. I can neither find an explaination to this feeling nor a reason to not feel this way.

Officially Graduate loh!

So... We'd finally obtained the title of "Graduate". It'd been a long journey hasn't it? All the bitter-sweet moments, like staying back in school, cracking our heads to think of places which are conducive enough for working on the numerous projects, travelling to each others place or estate sometimes... Getting pissed at the leech. And doing silly assignments such as the economics journal or some shit, can't really remember... Looking back, I didn't quite had an exciting & fulfilling university life, did I? Oh yeah, maybe the infrequent nights we spent playing LAN. That was fun. And the Bashes at Zouk. Had only attended it twice, but was definitely epic enough. Oh well, what was I expecting. I guess it was all good. Considering all the friends I'd made. And lost.

Alright, shall post some photos of my convocation from the 25th of August. More to come, these are all that I have at the moment...

My supportive family & I.
I'd be nothing without them.

Part of the clique that made everything possible.

North-side Buddy.
Made University life easier.

I rarely take photo with woman.
But when I do, she's usually an angel in disguise :D

We'd certainly came a long way...

Yup, that's us. 

I don't know if it's just me... But growing up has made posting pictures online kind of uncomfortable, especially on a blog. It sometimes feel like, "why am I sharing all these with people (or rather strangers)?" Then I'd ask myself again, "why not?" Haha... Yes, I'm contradicting like this. 

Sigh... Another day wasted. Got to start making the days count!

Never let the failure of others be a hindrance to our advance. Take these failures as references. Avoid what they did wrong, improvise on the rights & be ready. The rest? Just got to believe that you've got what it takes. Just do it.

Been a long year. I survived!

Hello, been a while since I updated. Let me share what I've been up to. Work has been alright. The addition of a new member to the team has definitely decreased my workload. Moreover, it's the "low" season now. But I'd say that it's just the calm before the storm. I mean... It's just a cycle, like how Mondays have to come before the arrival of Fridays. Life cycle, business cycle, whatever.

Nothing exciting in my life though. It's so boring that I'd say watching the stock market rise and fall generates the most excitement in my life. Sounds pathetic? Hahaha! Anyway, many companies will be releasing their financial reports for first half of 2014 in the coming weeks, stay tuned investors! 

Upcoming events, University Convocation & the wedding of a friend. In fact, it'll be the first time that I'm attending the wedding banquet of a friend. Looking forward to it. 

Sometimes I hate myself for being such a frugal individual. I wish I didn't have this attribute, that I can set myself free and spend every dollar in my possession. Okay, maybe not that serious, how bout save much lesser than I currently am & still feel comfortable about it? Hahaha... Maybe I should let loose & spend every single cent of my salary for a particular month. Nah, that's too crazy, I can never bring myself to do that. 

Alright, let's go get some Monday blue! Oh, it's the 4th of August. I'm officially single for a year! Light them up people!

Stay high.

I cannot watch Hong Kong drama.

I cannot watch National Geographic/Animal Planet/Nat Geo Wild.

I cannot watch movies that fall under the category of Romance.

I cannot think of returning to Taipei. I want to. But my heart feels like it's sinking onto a bed of thorns each time I think about it.

Nah. Just kidding. I can do all of the above just fine. I simply chose not to. Guess that's what falling in & out of love is about. We get reminded of that person who used to mean everything to us every now and then. But nobody really cares anymore because it's all matters of the past. 

What is this that I'm feeling tonight...? Probably need something to fill the void in me.

You're gone and I got to stay high all the time, all the time, high all the time, to climb, to keep you off my mind. Staying in my play pretend, where the fun ain't got no end... Can't go home alone again. Need someone to numb the pain. 

"People only know what you tell them"

Gosh, aren't the weather these days a bitch? I don't know about you, but I'd inevitably, & literally, sweat my butt off if I wasn't in an air-conditioned place. Oh well, I sleep without AC anyway, so I guess it's no big deal.

I really take my hat off to people who work & adopt study commitments at the same time. It's indeed not easy. I guess it's all about time management & sacrifices. You want to have fun all the time or take a portion out of it & do something that truly counts. With that being said, sometimes having fun can take one further than academic achievements. Sometimes. Sigh... I need to get started.

It's strange why I still think about the past, still browse through my Instagram, look at those old pictures which have probably lost any meaning they used to hold... I want to go back to Taipei, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid to face the "familiarity" of that place... The memories that have been bound with the City.

Have you ever felt like the person you're currently with is not the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, but can never find that courage to call it quits? Because once you do, you'd lost so much. All the things you're ever familiar with.

Gosh, why am I thinking so much tonight. It's ridiculous. Going to sleep now. Happy Monday everyone, especially the students returning to school :D I feel y'all. But I feel more for the people going to work ;)

Birthday weekend deserves an update

So... I'm finally 25 years old. I guess one of the bigger events in 2014 for me is joining the workforce and probably going to Bangkok. More epic moments to come! I hope... 

Just remembered that I didn't get myself a birthday present this year! Oh well, guess I'll just keep it in-lieu, because what I'm aiming for is something much bigger than what I can currently afford. Go read up on delayed gratification. It's not easy to put into play. But I believe that when there is a will, there is a way. And nothing is actually easy, not until you're done & over with it.

Monday coming right up, sit tight people! We are mid way through the year! The next long weekend will fall on the 26 to 28 of July. Make it count! Although I think mine will be boring as usual. Hahaha! 

See y'all soon my beloved friends.

The rest of your life. And we only live once.

Do you feel like, "damn, it's going to be Monday tomorrow once again" on every Sundays? It guess it's normal, cause I've the exact same feeling. But the next thought that comes into my mind is, "come at me all y'all endless work loads! I'll take you on!" Hahaha! Another comforting aspect is that the market will be opened from Monday to Friday, which also means that there is a possibility of making a windfall :D ... Or a "downfall". Hahaha!

So... It's finally June! I used to love June, because it marks the beginning of the mid-year school holiday. But now, June only reminds me that I'm getting older and there are still so much out there waiting to be accomplished. Just like what I wrote in my previous post — time, is indeed the most important thing in life.

While hanging out with some friends this weekend, I had a thought. What does it mean if you asked yourself, "am I really going to spend the rest of my life with him/her?" I figured that this question, when asked in a relationship, is unlikely to be a question that seeks affirmation, but rather one that constitutes doubt. You are having second thoughts. Of course things may work out if both parties are willing to compromise each other. But "may", is like walking on thin ice. & I'm sure most of us understand the theory of "opportunity lost" :D

So I had this resolve. The woman I seek will be someone who will make me say to myself, "damn, I want to spend the rest of my life with her." Or if I'll ever have to ask myself the question above, about if I'm really going to spend the rest of my life with her, the answer has to be "duh". No doubts. Hope I don't end up "forever alone" though :D

I'm starting to lose the "feel" to blog because I realised that all I blog about are silly stuffs regarding relationships & love. Oh well... I guess the purpose of having a blog is for me to write whatever the fuck I want. Peace.

Time is precious is an understatement

We meet many different people in our life, either from work, school, social events or even the streets. How would you decide of you want this particular person in your life? Because he is tall & good-looking? Humorous? Because of his character or personality? Or simply because he has made effort to show that he wants to be in your life too? Maybe that's what some called chemistry, while others called it fate.

But you know, even chemistry fades and fate sometimes runs out of time. Feelings change, like pages of a book or seasons of the year. We can't force ourselves to continue reading the same page of the same book over and over again. Neither can we choose to stay in summer eternally just because we like it. Things like these are inevitable. Changes, are inevitable. And we need the courage to face it, to accept these changes, because at the end of the day, we'll realise that it's time that we are wasting. & time, is in fact the most precious entity that ever existed.

Seems like I'd just ran out of time. Shall continue my grumble/rumble/mumble when I return. I wish time would stop when I'm with you; so that I'll never have to say goodbye, watch you walk away or spend nights like these thinking about you. But on second thought... I don't really wish for time to stop. Because I long to grow old with you.

1 more confused soul

Do you like your public holiday to be directly before or after the weekend? E.g. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Or would you prefer it like this PH that we are currently having? I personally like it this way. Makes the week feel shorter.

So... It'd been 9 months now. Gosh, why am I even thinking about this again... I don't know... Maybe I miss the feeling of being irritated by someone who matters. Or maybe I miss the feeling of trying to be committed to someone. Because all I have now is a job. It's all I think about. And I'm not kidding, I actually considered going back to office and finish some stuffs that don't even fall under the "urgent" category tomorrow.

I hate myself sometimes. And I think I have depression other times. But it can't be. I'm just over thinking. How can someone like me have depression? I mean, every time I step out of the house, I'd be like, I'm going out there & people are going to be admiring me. Even though I have nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Hahahaha! "You mad bro?"

What good are weekends?

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare

The shadow in the background of the morgue

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want

Where you can always find me

And we'll have halloween on Christmas

And in the night we'll wish this never ends

We'll wish this never ends

Where are you and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

This sick, strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting everytime 

And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides

Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday... Sunday... Mo...