What about them that attract you?

What is it about the opposite gender that attracts you? For me, at first sight, without taking personality into consideration, it's got to be the eyes. The kind of eyes that once you've looked into it, you'd lost your soul forever. Hahaha, alright, that's exaggerating. It's hard to explain, it's like they are filled with mystery, one that makes you want to spend your entire life solving.

And then it'd be the smile. Many times I've seen girls who looked so ordinary until they demonstrated their captivating smile. Well, I guess that's the whole point of smiling, to steal hearts. Hahaha!

Tough week ahead! The only comforting part is that it's a 4 days work week! BKK soon, can't wait! Shall wish for a smooth week ahead before I sleep! Faan waan!

Losing sanity. Losing touch.

I finally understand why some people always have to chat on the phone or constantly text someone every night — because it's really quiet at night. When you are alone, all there is to listen to is the sound of the wind, either from your AC or fan, or maybe your own screaming thoughts.

Why don't I listen to music you may ask. To me, music is just another part of this silent. Maybe I'm just bored of all my songs... Or maybe what I seek is no mere sound of any form. It's communication.

I read somewhere that the reason for some people to always tweet / blog is because they have little friends to turn to. Made me wondered for a while and I concluded that it isn't true for my case. I just decide that I shall not bother anyone with all these insignificant thoughts of mine. Random tweets and occasion blogs will do just fine... I think... It's true that I have a small number of friends though. And decreasing as days go by.

A piece if advice for everyone who is a friend to somebody: people do get sick if you constantly reject meet up request. You may have all the valid reasons in the world. But we all know the truth — it is just that this "friendship" is of the least priority as compared to every other matters in your life. So please, if you are a friend to someone, act like it. Because I have given up, & I hope no one else will have to walk this path.

Can't wait to get married. Then I can hide somewhere on this planet with my beautiful wife. Hahaha!

Keep it real. Peace.

"Not telling you"

I want to move closer to you

I've wanted to get to know you since I met you

My heart pounds when I hear your voice

Since the day we first met, I've been absently daydreaming

As soon as I got introduced, I wanted to say hello

But as soon as I couldn't see you, my heart became mixed up

You disappeared, I’m worried to death

Will you be okay? Do you have someone to take care of you over there? I don’t know 

I nearly forgot to breath when you came close

At just your smile, my whole heart pounds

I want to tell you so you can realize the things in my heart 

But I don’t know if telling you right now would be moving too fast

I still don’t know how you feel

If I tell you those words, and your answer is no

If it’s like that, you’ll probably run away 

It’s perfectly enough already if I have you near me

I can hear your voice, I can take care of you from afar

I’ll keep my secrets in my heart

However much it gets to be, I refuse to speak them 

I want to tell you so you can understand my heart

Seriously, I want to tell you those words

But I’m so scared that I’ll be upset

If you can’t accept them, you’ll probably refuse to forgive me for those words 

It’s so frustrating, I have to keep it inside

It’s frustrating, I’m afraid that if I say it, I’m afraid I’ll be upset 

I’ll keep it away until I reveal my heart

I’ll wait for that day, the day I’ll be certain that you think I’m the one

And you’re ready to listen to the things I have inside 

I’ll tell you I love you so you can hear it closely

I’m telling you my love, do you hear me?

If it’s still not clear, you can listen to it again

Do you hear that I love you with all of my heart

- Backroom Audio

A foolish seeking game

I'm a simple person. I don't need to drive lavish cars or live in premium houses. I don't need to be so wealthy that I can travel around the world every quarter of every year just to experience the 4 seasons. 

I just need someone who I can love, and will love me in return. Someone who will count on me when she is feeling low and that I can do the same with her.

And for this "someone" that I seek, I will work to achieve the things mentioned above. All the things that I do not need, simply because she might want them. Or maybe it is these things that I do not need that will actually help me find what I'm looking for. 

Not a material girl hopefully. 

But what if she is? Well, if I really do love her, then so be it... Love is a foolish game after all. & fools, are sometime the happiest people on earth, don't you think so?

At 25

At this age, I'm starting to realise many things. Or rather my experiences in life thus far is starting to make me view life differently as compared to how I did before.

I'm starting to find girls aged 22 or below incredibly young. Feels like they haven't seen or experienced enough in life to "settle down". Oops, did I just made it sound like I'm looking to settle down already? Hahaha! I guess I'm still quite "green" myself to be even talking about experiences in life...

Materialism & cynicism are real. And we are all "tainted" by them. Shall not elaborate more on this because that's all there's to it. But I still believe in true love :D hahaha! I still believe in how 2 people, who has absolutely nothing (except for themselves) to give each other, can be together simply because of who they are underneath. & I believe I will find it someday. Okay, that was a lie. Ahahaha!

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" they said... And I think one of the simplest & enjoyable thing to do in life is to watch HBO or other movie channels on a 55" TV with your love one in the night of a lazy weekend till the both of you doze off. Like what I've always said, it's never really about what you're doing, it's about who you're doing it with. 

Okay, having a mental block already. Been reading so much stuffs through the computer screen at work everyday that I can't stand the combination of "alphabets + numerals + computer screen". 4 days work week coming right up! Ganbatte-kudasai minna! 

Geez, what an otaku.

Living dead

When you look at a photo of someone who you used to be real close with, do you get a feeling like, "really? This person used to mean so much to me?" And then you go on, trying to recall all the adventures, conversations and little moments y'all had. But they all seem so vague... It gets me frustrated you know... And sometimes I still think about how things would've been now if everything had worked out. I guess it's normal to think about stuffs like that huh? Yeah, it probably is.

I just finished the anime Code Geass. It was awesome. Now I can't sleep because I'm sad that it'd ended. That's why I try not to start on shows. Feels so empty when they end.

Work-life balance... I wonder what's that suppose to mean. I mean... I've never had a life to begin with.

A few more quarters & we'll be there.

I love the power of words. I love how words can sometimes convey all sorts of emotions. Like words in a book, lyric of a song, motivational posters or even the now popular internet "meme-s". It's hard to describe, but you'll understand when you feel it, the moment when words bring back certain memories, make you think of something, somewhere or someone.

Alright, this is a rather random post. I'm just astonished by how fast time flew. I swear it felt like Tuesday was just yesterday.

Just a quick update on my life. Working hard on weekdays. Barely have time to hit the gym even at night. Hectic days like these make me feel like spending my weekends in a peaceful manner. Simple meet up with friends etc. But I guess ain't nobody got time for me. Sounds emo? Hahaha...

Now I'm worried that I'd be left on the shelf, when I'm old and all boney. Where are you my beautifuk girl? Maybe I've met her already, but she doesn't see me, or is unavailable. Haha... Yes, I know... Love don't come just by writing a silly blog entry on the bed. We must have the courage to pursuit it, just like everything else in this cruel world. Ok, don't know what nonsense I'm babbling. Time to sleep.

We could be happy

Time flies. We're already creeping steadily pass the first quarter of 2014. Not much has happened. Still think of the past a little. About the life of a student, those frugal days, saving & growing every penny for the future that will never arrive. Real silly isn't it? Strange thing is that I'm still doing it, hahaha! But I must say... I truly prefer my current life. Except for that missing piece... If ya know what I mean. Hahaha! 

I'd heard much hype about this TV drama: My Love from the Stars / You Who Came From the Stars. & I decided to give it a shot, since I haven't really glued my ass to the chair for a while. & it turned out to be a great show! My favorite Korean actress! Jun Ji-hyun from My Sassy Girl! The main actor was alright, a little skinny for my liking but still, it's great to be tall isn't it? Sigh... Haha... What I don't like about TV dramas is that the happy moments always seem so short... Well, a summary/conclusion for the show: cherish your time with your love ones because you have no idea how many others out there are dying to have just 1 more moment with theirs.

That's all for tonight. May everyone be happy in the many many days to come. 

Love is...

Love is when you see a woman and think that she is so beautiful & in a sea of people, she is all you can see. It is like she is that sole sparkling star while others are simply part of the dark sky. 

And love is when you see her, and you thought to yourself, "god damn... She is so beautiful." But to everyone else, she is just so ordinary.

One of the worst kind of people

Woman: "Omg, I'm becoming so fat! All I do is eat & eat..."

Man: "Glad that you noticed, time to do some exercises, let's go jog at night!"

Woman: "Don't want la, so late & tired after work, where got time and energy. Still have to wake up early for work the next day."

Man: "I think it's just a matter of how badly you want it. If something is important to you, then you'll make time for it, you'll find that extra ounce of energy to make it happen."

Woman: "Ya la, ya la, I'm not as energetic, disciplined & determined as you."

Man: "... ... ..."

People who complain but refuse to do anything to change things for the better.

Paths

One lesson I recently learnt in life is that sometimes, all we need to do is to take that first step, and other paths will reveal themselves to you.

The number of paths varies among individuals. Some have more, others less.  & one thing I know for sure is that none will be easy, else it isn't worth taking. Of course there are easy ways out, like striking lottery or finding a wealthy & suitable significant other. But how many are truly so fortunate?

They always say, "better be late than never". I finally understood its real meaning. No matter how far, difficult and risky the path is, as long as it leads to where you want to be, take it. Even if it might take 5, 10 or 20 years, so be it. Because it is always better to start late and progress slow than to never start and not finish.

One example can be: you want to be a photographer, but have no confident that it can bring in a substantial amount of income as a profession because you have mouths to feed at home. Then take the long path. Keep this dream/passion/hobby close to your heart, devote 10% or whatever of your energy and time to it while spending the rest on a job that can keep things going. Few years down the road, when all become stable, with some savings, its never too late to relive that dream. The only time when it's too late is when we are dead. However, this is provided that if you still possess that passion and have the courage to pursuit it.

Cause you see, every time when we choose a path, we'll eventually get to a crossroad & then we'll have to choose again. And all these paths, they change people. So who you are now... Might not be who you think you'll be in the future. Nobody knows.

Ok just scribbling nonsense cause I can't sleep. Peace. Happy belated Valentines' Day.

The most important things in life.

Happy Lunar New Year everyone! I hope y'all had a great weekend, be it collecting 红包, gambling or traveling! & since a new year is sort of like a new beginning, I shall share with everyone what I feel are the most important things in life.

Coming in 1st place is definitely our Health & Well-being. Without good health, there is really very little we can do. Restrictions on certain food and activities can take away so much in life. As a matter of fact, it may also cause woes to people who care. So please take care of your health! I guess little needs to be said, we all know what are the good and the bad. If your health is already on the down side, then start doing the right thing from now on.

2nd place goes to Family and Friends! Of course I think family is more important than friends because let's face it, they are the ones who will be there when shit happens. & I know it's not the case for everybody, therefore I decided to have "friends" in 2nd place as well. With the right friends, people can go a long way. "The right friends" are hard to come by, but these choices are something only we can make ourselves. And when you find them, treat them well, like gems, because friendships require polish. The more you polish your friendships, the brighter they glow. & like gems, if you leave them just as they are, dust will settle, subdue the shine & eventually become as dull as a regular rock. Cherish the friendships you now have and consider rekindling those that once shone brightly.

3rd place goes to a good Job, a job that you enjoy, a job with good colleagues and maybe decent prospect. With a job like this, life will be so much easier. Do some calculation and you'll realise that we spend more than half of the time in our lives working. So choose a work that you won't dread going to when you wake up every morning. A job is also important because it provides us with income. That is why I believe that job is more important than money because if there is no job, there is no money. And a job keeps our mind engaged, which makes us feel alive, to a certain extent.

Lastly, and unfortunately, Romance had to come in 4th. Hahaha! Well, not exactly... Cause you see, without good health, it'd probably be hard for someone to fall for you. Even if there is, can you bear to let the woman/man you love worry about you everyday? So health, number 1. 

Next is Family & Friends. Remember that time when your girlfriend/boyfriend walked out on you? Who were the people there for you? I'm sorry if you had to go through it alone, but for most, I believe it's family and friends. 

Finally, Job. This is simple. No job, no money, no honey. FYI honey = romance. Just to add on, in our current age (era/time), sad, but the truth, a simple job is not enough to get you honey. You're going to need a good job, with good pay to get your honey. Cold hard truth. 

Well done if you managed to make it here, what a long wordy post! Haha! The above are just my 2 cents view :D have a goodnight everybody. Peace!

What is wrong with me?

It's like something is keeping me closed when there is really nothing at all. Like I want to speak 90% of the time, but decided not to. I know I need to talk to people more, be friendly and all sociable. But I find it kind of hard to do... Maybe the term "forever alone" is made for people like me. I really need to sign up for dating services. Or maybe counseling. I just need to free myself from this invisible or non-existent chain. That is what I really need to do.

And I realised that I'm so bitter. Shall name myself "bitter-god" from now on.

Looking forward to nothing is what that's keeping me alive.

One of the worst feelings in the world is to come home everyday after work with absolutely nothing to look forward to except maybe the weekend. And when the weekend finally arrives, you realize that all that awaited you is emptiness. You browse through your phone book, message a few friends and you actually feel glad to receive replies, although they indicate "not available", because at least they replied. Others simply didn't care. I guess everyone has their own commitments to attend to at our age.

Then you end up roaming the street alone, having the idea that you might meet someone just like you; bored, lonely and just living. But it'll never happen. Pubs and clubs are good ideas, but what if you find staying up late out there after midnight so tiring? Maybe that is call stepping out of "comfort zone". 

The next thing you know, it's Monday. You'll come home after work, thinking of ways to look for a companion, but none seems applicable. Then you'll realize that maybe the most realistic one is probably going to a club or pub this coming weekend. So you start looking forward to the weekend once again... And again... And again...

You are truly blessed if you cannot comprehend such feeling. It means you have never truly been alone. And this kind of loneliness, I believe, can only be understood by people who are genuinely going through it.

So far so good!

Hi, a quick update on what & how I've been doing. Work has been good so far, maybe it's because I'm still fresh and still has plenty to learn. Work environment is good though, friendly colleagues and superiors, simply awesome. One issue about working in the city is the cost of food... I've been spending an average of S$5 on lunch till now. Oh well, at least there are plenty of office ladies (OL) to see :D and I'm talking about quantity with quality here, ahahaha! Haven't been working out though... Either ended work late or too tired to train... Hope I don't become a fatty soon, hahaha!

With an occupation, my life is almost complete... Just lack of a soul mate, or rather companion. People have been telling me that someone for me will eventually come along. But I don't believe it. I believe that destiny is in our own hands and things happen because we want them to, because we make them happen. Well, of course if a woman got love struck and initiates to talk to me, then I'd truly call it destiny. Hahaha! But this will never happen. Moreover, like I always say, "a man got to do what a man got to do." Destiny only apply to girls; when a man of their dream decides to approach them. That is destiny. For us men, we just got to make it happen. Tough huh?

I'm so into this Thai celebrity these days. Knomjean! Hahaha! She is fine! I guess single man will always look for some female icon to worship, like how I worshiped Girls' Generation 3 years ago, hahaha! Fills my empty heart! Ya know what I'm saying?! Hahaha! Goodnight & peace! :D

Time to Slog My Guts Out

This is it I guess. Quote of the day, or rather of this whole new adventure: 

"I want to remember that no one is going to make my dreams come true for me... It is my job to get up everyday and work toward the things that are deepest in my heart... And to enjoy every step of the journey rather than wishing I was already where I want to end up."

You know what is the worst part about falling in & out of love? It's when you can remember all the first times that you shared with your partner & simultaneously the last times. It's not a good feeling. But it's something we have to deal with. Just like stepping into a whole new environment, knowing new people, who will eventually become colleagues, taking on new responsibilities, and so on. With that being said, I'm still freaking nervous!!! The anxiety is killing me!!! Hahaha... Gosh, how I wish I have a Significant Other (SO) now. Then I can rant to her & maybe she can calm my soul. 

In my dreams then, goodnight and peace :)

New Phase of Life. Embrace it.

Today is probably the last Sunday that I can take it easy & not have that "oh shit, it's Monday tomorrow" feeling. But who knows, it might turn out to be "oh yeah, it's Monday tomorrow." Hahaha! Wonder what awaits me... Well, whatever it is, I got to be ready. I have to be. Gosh, I can sense a sleepless night tomorrow already... The anxiety always gets to me.

Do all these transition phases in life reminds you of the past; all the walks you'd took, the journeys you'd made? We've definitely came a long way, didn't we? First day into Primary school, then to Secondary, Polytechnic, National Service & finally University... Come to think of it, the transition from NS to University was the easiest to me, simply because there was someone dear with me. Oh well... Like I said, some walks we have to take alone, right? Just hope that I don't have to take this walk of life alone. Hahaha... 

Watched so many movies these few days. Mostly those that I'd missed. The Great Gatsby, Hangover 1, 2 and 3, Man of Steel, Lone Survivor, Battleship, We Bought a Zoo, The Hobit: Desolation of Smaug and The Wolf of Wall Street. I think that's about the amount of movies I'd watched in the whole of 2013, hahaha...

Some people say that they enjoy "alone time"... But I think that to be able to truly enjoy being alone, one has to be complete, to be leading a vibrant or hectic life. To me, being alone is just pitiful, or maybe because I've had too much of such "alone time". I wasn't like this in the past, but now, it just reminds me of how lonely I really am. It's sad, but it's the truth. Maybe I haven't gotten used to not having someone around... Been 5 months huh... Let's hope things get better starting next week. Peace.

Just a Reverie. Just.

I’d dream about that moment when I would go down on my knee like a chivalrous knight, only to be armed with a ring, and ask her if she’d marry me.

I’d imagine looking deeply into those alluring eyes; probably for the millionth time now, slowly swell up with tears as I waited for a reply. She would have both her hands clasped together, leaving only a tiny gap to cover her lovely lips & adorable nose. Yes, just like that typical action people always do when in shock.

I figured that she’d be too astounded to react & allowed her another 6 seconds before asking again, “Will you, my sunshine?” Then maybe she would lower one of her hands, the hand which gap fits flawlessly into mine, and I would held it so gently, as if handling a new life. Following after would be a familiar quivering voice, “Yes, I will.”

By this time, I’d be overwhelmed by immense joy, my heart racing with excitement. But I had to contain it. I had to, because the ring was still in my possession. Not for long though. I would then gracefully slip that symbolic ring, one that’d bind us eternally, into her delicate ring finger. Then I’d stand up, all these while trying to find myself in her eyes, & say, “I love you.” Before locking our lips so tightly that nothing, absolutely nothing, not even death, could separate us for that moment in time.

"Dreaming about the things we could be."

I thought we were fine, that what we shared was like a tiny growing sprout. With time as nutrients, moments as water & hope as sunlight, I believed that we'd flourish someday. Maybe I had too much faith & forgot that "someday" might never come. I also believed that the differences & occasional arguments were like passing storms, merely a threat that every growing sprout must brave until they mature. But without hope for the future, like a sprout without sunlight, we perished.

I passed by the neighborhood mall last night & saw the zodiac forecast they'd display before every Chinese New Year & it felt like last week when we were just there reading those predictions together.

It's hard isn't it? For those of you who have been through it; to let go and move on completely... I guess the only way to be freed is to get entangled in yet another love story. One that might never come. Or one that might end as tragically as that passed sprout. Or maybe, if fortunate enough, one that matures into a sturdy tree which can brave any storms.

"You only need the light when it's burning low, 

only miss the sun when it starts to snow, 

only know you've been high when you're feeling low, 

only hate the road when you're missing home, 

only know you love her when you let her go."

Welcome to 2014! & more fragments of the past

Happy New Year everybody! How can I miss out the chance to write about something on this "epic" day of the year? The day of a new beginning, the 1st of January. Maybe not so on "the day of a new beginning" because I believe that any day can be the beginning of something new as long as you are ready to set aside the past, live the present & embrace the future.

However, & unfortunately, it became a rather emotional 1st of January for me when I decided to sort out my university notes. Those notes reminded me of the times when we'd go to school early just to get them printed. Some of them were printed by her at home for me. Every pieces of those paper reminded me of little moments we had. The statistic notes brought back memories from when we'd sit together and practice our ass out, questions after questions, pages after pages. This particular one, part of our Marketing Communication project, a story board drawn by her, actually brought a lump to my throat. Felt like it was just last week when we were juggling with all these projects together, camping in corners of the school or at friends' house... & when I was flipping through the stacks to see what module they belong to, I saw that familiar, yet now distant hand writing on some of these papers... Those words that she once wrote for my sake. It burns.

Sigh. Almost set my entire wooden study desk on fire. Burn everything once & for all... Oh well, I guess I'll have to deal with these sooner or later, might as well be today. I'm keeping those nicely bound notes though. For whatever reasons... What I truly find amusing is that I don't even feel this much from the gifts, yet of all stuffs, school / lecture notes... Gosh, I seriously question my sanity sometimes.