Fallen, & trying hard to get up

Tonight, I feel weak. Weak in the heart and mind. Thoughts of inferiority & insignificancy, along with unpleasant reveries pulled me down. I need an answer to my unspoken question, I need assurance and affirmation to protect me from this absurd insecurity that I have been feeling since last week.
... And the only place I can find them is either in a place that don't belong to me, or one that I can never reach.
Bitterness steps up to greet me & jealousy, you are my greatest foe.

I was wrong. There is no paradise on earth. Or rather, anywhere is paradise, as long as you're there with me.

I know an angel

How can I ever miss this...

Happy Birthday Wan Jun!

I was worried in the morning due to the rain, but it kinda stopped by the time we reached East Coast Park. Thanks for the grace. I always knew the nature is good. But cycling was pretty tough, I got a freaking sore butt the next day. It felt like blue-black, major blue-black!

Cycling is fun, only with a comfortable seat.

A successful & meaningful day!

I need to go Redang! Laguna Redang Resort is having this real attractive promotional package, but its ending on the 31st of this month! They better have something nice for April, else... I won't know where to go! Ahahaha!

Love & Life, Albert Einstein

A little wordy, but every line counts. Take the time. Give a damn, at least for once.

Sometimes in our relentless effort to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words, for you will find rewarding happiness, not with the man you love but with the man who loves you more. The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow but ever too far to feel the love within your being.

To let go of someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness take away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you; but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in loving someone from a distance not expecting something in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don’t have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself.

Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn’t mean you failed in love.

Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive. No past so bitter that love cannot accept and no love so little that we cannot start all over with.

Freak, I am.

I finally know the reason for my insomnia! Regarding the solution... I'm still trying to figure it out :D

Its not my relationship, but I feel the pain.

And thanks god its Monday.

Just another scary post

Nothing much happened these few days. Went to the IT Show and it was total congestion man. I bet it will be suffocation on weekend.

Was looking through the photographs of 2008 and I never thought this feeling will hit me again. You know that, when you feel lost, empty and starts thinking bout the past, kind of feeling?

Well, at least I know I've met someone who I can never forget this lifetime :]
But... When will I matter? I guess never.

Starry Starry Night

Hi, I've decided to blog in this lonely hour. Tonight was great, except for the wait of our 4 musketeers. I understand that a man should stand by his principles, but a real man will act according to circumstances. Know what I'm saying? No? Doesn't matter, cause its not the highlight of the day.

Well, guess I missed walking so much that I had to take this stroll tonight. Maybe alittle too long for my wounded feet, but nevertheless, a pleasant & enjoyable one. Its just wonderful knowing that you and I are looking at the same starry sky :] hahaha!

Start watch Boys Before Flowers everybody! Its never too late! Korea F4 rocks! Oh, Defiance and Enemy At The Gates are nice too! Do check them out if you're free. For now, let's sleep, had enough of late nights...

Monsoon, you're late

"If it is possible, would you like to know the day you are going to die?"

My answer is yes. I just need to, so that I can make the necessary amendments to my life before dying. I'm a man of regrets. Well, I wouldn't say all the regrets I had so far are serious, just caused me few weeks of sleepless nights and few days of impractical depression.
You're right, I'm a coward who can't make changes.

I can't remember when was the last time I have no oral ulcers. They have been bugging me for months, re-surfacing at different locations... And my body, I feel weaker day after day. Fever, flu and sore throat are regular. Sigh... I've been as healthier as I can, except for sleeping at 2am occasionally. I'm feeling feverish right now... & it got to be the weather, got to be...

Bloody cold.

"Make love! Not war!"

Many times in life, we find ourselves asking what love really is? Well, at least I did. And believe its an absolutely profound question. So I gave it a thought and decided that maybe love is: from the moment you wake up, till you fall asleep, that person never truly left your mind; you'll somehow find yourself relating everything you do to them; you wonder what they are doing every minute of every day; and late at night, while lying on the bed, you'll get too carried away from thinking about the future you 2 can share(though there may be none) that you forget to sleep.
Oh dear... Hope I'm not in love :(

Watched Tears of the Sun moments ago. Its an excellent movie! I just love war films, not because of the mournful death toll, but the act of brotherhood, the will to live and the fight for freedom, justice and peace. I've watched We Were Soldiers, Black Hawk Down and Saving Private Ryan so far, there may be more but these 3 left the deepest impressions. Behind Enemy Lines next, but its kinda late now, so... We'll see.

And the recovery of my feet is progressing well! I can walk, or rather limp, without crutches already! But I'm worried that it may worsen if I do that too much. Sigh... Looks like they are right, time heals all wounds... All I need is time, and maybe a little bit of that specific love ( : peace.

Zhao Yi's birthday @ Sembawang Shopping Centre

L is for the way you looked at me. I wished.

I shall blog tonight since I'm feeling a little over the moon :D and if you're wondering why, well, its partially because I officially went out today! It was Zhao Yi's birthday!

Happy 20th Birthday Zhao Yi!

For the other reason(s)... We'll talk about it next time. Ahahaha! And to anyone out there who cares, if there is any, my feet is recovering well, walking shouldn't be problem in a week or 2's time (hopefully).

I haven't been on the best of luck lately. First, I hurt my feet 1 day before holidays, screwing up all my plans.
The second shit happened last night, when I reached home at around 3:30am, all the lifts kinda jammed and I had to call my homies back to help me go all the way to the 11th floor and get the lifts down. What a thing to happen when my feet is hurt, haha.
Number 3 happened a while ago. Just when I needed to withdraw some cash, all 3 ATMS at the same place went out of service. Maybe I need a lady luck in my life, hahaha!

And talking about love... ... Actually there is nothing to talk about. Ahahaha!

You know, when we always stone around random places, wondering where to go, what to do next, those are the little moments I enjoy. Everybody just crowd around and crap, rather than in restaurants with long ass tables, where communication is close to impossible at both ends.

Tonight is beautiful. But I don't want it to last forever, until you're here with me.

让我心动的人

已好久没有你的消息, 好久都没有和你谈心,
好想念你总爱对我说, 你近来痘痘怎麽那麽多
如今你是否还留长发, 你是否仍每夜迟回家,
你是不是还爱咬指甲? Oh girl 我今夜好想你...
梦, 若和你的一切都是梦, 那为何我会心动
谁, 为了谁, 为了谁心动在分分钟...

Secrets

Does sharing secrets with someone makes us closer? For example, I have this secret that I keep from everyone but only share with this person. It does, right? Yes, it does, I'm positive.

Anyway, I hurt my left wrist and ankle from basketball. Looks like I won't be doing shit for some time. No gym, no motorbike, no basketball, no sentosa, no shits! Let's hope its just serious sprain. If swell don't subside in a week or 2's time, I'll probably need to get a X-ray to see if my bones are fine...

Looks normal?

Compare it with my right feet.

After 24 hours. Ahahaha looks funny.

How does it feels to be special to someone? I want to know.

Bi-birthday!

Hi, I just brushed my teeth cause there were remains of duck meat I had for dinner between my teeth. Ok, that was random, hahaha! Anyway, check this picture out!

I killed it with Gatsby Ice-Type Deodorant and asthma inhaler! Ahaha! Not to be mean, but it pissed me off during my crucial study moment.

Well, had a long day yesterday, Quality & Reliability paper in the morning, LAN through the noon, and celebrated Jolene, Kam Chuen's birthday at Fish & Co, The Glass House in the evening.

Happy Birthday to Jolene and Kam Chuen!
(Pictures MAY be upload.)

Some headed home for whatever reasons and the rest, including myself, took a midnight stroll around Dhoby Ghaut & more LAN actions before heading home before dawn. I found myself at Dhoby Ghaut at least 4 out of 7 days recently. The cheap LAN gaming rates over at Parklane Shopping Mall is just too attractive! Ahaha!

Today was well wasted! I needed this boring Saturday to slow down my life. The exams I had last week was driving me crazy. Just 1 last paper to go on Monday and everything will find their way back.
And I realised I'm alittle over budget this month. Looks like I'll have to lay low till March!

February 14th

Its not that I don't care, its just that I can't; to spare everyone that little bit of misery.

Happy Valentine's Day. Hope you had a great day.

First paper in 42 hours. I've been trying to study since Thursday, but haven't got anything into my head till this moment. Sigh... I'm just alittle too screwed, alittle too bored, and alittle too not over you.

For now; and the future

Its just gonna be another wordy post. Chinese New Year will be officially over as today is the last day. If only all 15 days were holidays... That would be too sweet. Hahaha. & I've been suffering from stiff shoulders and neck. Any hookups? Massage or whatever, I just need to get this off me! It'd been bothering me for months! Argh....

Anyway, this week is gonna be a hectic one for me! Labtest tomorrow, FYP final presentation on Wednesday and BMD presentation on Thursday. I'm so unprepared for all 3 & is still taking things too easy. I do feel the pressure, but the drive is just not there! No motivation or shit to look forward to. Ok, maybe a water bottle :D ahahaha!
Papers start on the 16th and end on the 23rd. I better start my chill-studying tonight. & Chill studying means taking a 15 minutes break from every 3 minutes of studying. Hahaha!

And I received a letter, saying I've been graded PES C9 L3 from the original A. In other words, I'll probably be serving a 8am to 5pm national service. It'd be great if I have a girlfriend, but I don't. Hahaha! Hmm... Some say its good, cause I get to chill and stuffs. But I think it kinda sucks cause my pay will be low and its gonna be boring work. Being in the Army means carrying guns and trekking in forests! Not pens and air-conditioned rooms!

I'm totally not looking forward to graduation. Friendships will drift apart and you know, people move on. Some get hitched, and their life revolves around family and work, while others busy dating the mate of their dream.
Therefore, I hereby urge everyone to get a partner ASAP, before you find yourself chilling out at your parent's home all day! Ahaha! Gosh, I should be speaking for myself...

心花朵朵开 finally came to an end! I learned 2 things from the drama: money always solve problem! & happy ending comes a long way... Haha!
Wow, all these chunk of words, if anyone made it here, give yourself a pat on the shoulder.

"You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much"

New Year visitings

Lie to me, to hide the hurtful truth.
Lie to me, to hurt the truthful me.

I swear I've never gambled this much in my life. Blackjack all the way, starting from Min Yi's to Kenneth's then mine and Alvin's. Hahaha, well, much was lost and gained. So I guess its pointless to talk about the outcome. But we had fun. The little peeks we stole, hoping for that pair of cards to victory, the excitement was off the roof! And it was the first time in 10 years I had this many guests at home! No joke.

Looking at the countdown timer on the right, semester exam is just around the corner. But I'm more worried about other shits now. Report for BMD project dues on Tuesday and my members seem to be idling more than ever. MIT lab tests on Wednesday & I know nuts about it... But its ok cause I know there can be miracles when I believe. Thanks Mariah and Whitney. Ahahahaha!

This same dream have been coming on for nights. Maybe its because of the recent happenings that I've witnessed and heard. All I can say is that its heart wrenching. Sigh... That explains the regular heartaches these few nights... I hope its just some illness that medicine can cure. But deep inside I know its not. We know.

NAPFA - Cleared!

NAPFA today. Not too bad, did better than expected. Just uncertain about the 2.4km run. I saw 12:18 when I reached the finishing line, not sure if the marker took it down though.

Talking about uncertainties, I do have lots of them. And I think about them every night. I'm lost, dying to understand. Even though I tried, I can't let go. This must be a bad dream. God, I need to wake up, or at least let me be "Kenny Almighty".

31st January... I wonder what shits await me. Hmmm... When did I become so negative? Hahaha... ...

Wanna be in his shoes.

Have you ever asked yourself why it hurts like this? I mean this pain is like no other and you know the only thing that will make it stop is something you can never have.

Cold

我爱的人, 不是我的爱人,
她心里每一寸, 都属于另一个人...
她真幸福, 幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨她的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人, 她已有了爱人
从他们的眼神, 说明了我不可能
每当听见她或他说「我们」
就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声

Happy Lunar 牛 Year

Sigh... Is it my chest or heart? Cause it really hurts.

Can't trust no more.

It's Chinese New Year next week! Haven't bought any new year clothes... Nothing caught my eyes and I didn't intend to get anything but my mum said it's essential. Wearing new clothes on new year means more blessed! I know... Nothing great happened to me all these years, I'm just worried shits might get worst if I didn't listen to her. Haha.

Hardworking okay?! Wahahaha!

3 more weeks to semester exam. I want to be ready. Seems to have so much to do but I'm still laying back. Guess I've got poor sense of urgency, haha! Cleared 2 quizzes this week, BMD project with presentation and several lab tests left.

Was supposed to have NAPFA this evening but guess I chickened out :D ahaha! No lah! I have been coughing these few days and thought it'd be pointless since its an obvious fail. Another reason was because I was released at 12 and afternoon classes were canceled. Which means if I were to go for NAPFA, I had to wait for 5 and half hours! Fuck no I'm gonna do that...

Anyway, my truthful friends and I ended up at Suki Sushi, Cine for a sinful meal. My first ime there, service was great, food decent. And free flow drinks!

Yum, yum, a sumptuous meal indeed.

Whenever I patron restaurants with good food, I can't help but think of the glutton people I know. Had always been my dream to... So much unspoken words never meant to be said.

And I need to know what to do when I'm losing faith.