A quarter of the year, a fraction of a lifetime

It's so hard to want something so much, but at the same time know that you will probably never have it. And you just don't feel like giving up without a fight because the pursuit of happiness is really what living is all about.

I do not know what am I chasing after. I do not know what I'm trying to accomplish. I am so afraid... Afraid of the passing time... Because once gone, we're never going to get it back... I guess liquor don't always make you high and all. It sometimes make you think... Think about love, about life... About how are you going to spend the rest of your life, and who are you going to spend it with... 

Will feelings & love fade with the hands of time? I'd witnessed couples who couldn't end their unsatisfying relationship because of commitments and responsibilities like children or simply a marriage certificate. But through the recent passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew, I learned about the undying love between him and his wife. And time certainly did not fade a tad bit of that love which they'd shared. 

This showed that true love does exist. This kind of love will never erode with the passing of time. It will never waver despite great distance between both. And this kind of love, once you'd fallen into it, can never get out in a single lifetime.

Passing of the Greatest Man I have ever known

23rd of March 2015 will be a day for Singaporeans to remember. Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Singapore's very first Prime Minister, passed away today. All the words have been said by many, so I shall keep it short. Without Mr Lee, we definitely wouldn't be where we are today. His contributions to the nation and to every of our lives cannot be described through mere words. Let's march on together and carry his legacy for as long as we can as one nation & one Singapore. Thank you for everything & rest in peace.

Feels like I'm losing the adventurous spirit in me. Have been slowly shifting my investments to less er risk & higher dividend yield counters like REITs. Oh well... Shall try hogging some cash for a few months & see if any interesting opportunities arise.

"We're not friends, we're not enemies... "

I read this quote the other day, "We're not friends, we're not enemies, we're just strangers with some memories" and I couldn't agree more. It made me think a little too. Relationships between humans are indeed complicated. Many refer it to porcelain vases; once broken or chipped, even if pieced together again, will never be the same. Ok, just some random thought.

Woke up this morning and found the place a little hazy. Let's hope the haze is not here to stay, else it might disrupt my jogs. Oh, let me rephrase, my once in a blue moon jog. Hahahaha!

A strange kind of feeling

"Have you ever get in those moods where you don't feel like reading, & you don't feel like being on the internet, & you don't feel like watching a show, & you don't feel like sleeping, & you don't feel like existing in general... But you want to do something!?“

We can't please everyone & sometimes we just have to let people down. We can't live up to everyone's expectations all the time, & can't hold on to something not for us to keep.

Animals using WhatsApp

This is how a conversation between a naughty pussy cat & a silly dummy dog looks like on WhatsApp.

So numb

Have you ever laid 1 side of your face on the pillow until it turned numb & you still can't sleep? Well, both sides of my face are numb and I still can't sleep. Haha!

"Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present"

Gosh... My stiff neck is back... Not sure if it's due to the pillow which I'm currently sleeping on or the building up of stress at work. So much to do, so many responsibilities... Oh well, I guess sometimes we just got to step up and get shit done. Things will probably get better by mid April. "Tough time don't last, tough man do"! 

Ultra Music Festival Bangkok on the 12th of June and Bali on the 25th of September... Should I? I'm actually looking forward to a romantic honeymoon get away... Oh wait, I'm not even attached! Hahaha! 

To be honest, my life has been pretty awesome lately... Shall not elaborate too much. But if you feel that you might be the reason, then you probably are :D 

Someone asked me if I find the thought of becoming strangers with someone whom we used to be real close with scary. My answer is no. It is not scary, but pure heart-wrenching. I believe that we have all lost a few friends along the way, maybe some lovers, but time will heal all wounds... That's what I believe. So stop thinking about depressing things, follow your heart and wonderful things may unveil themselves. (Geez, I wish life was this simple, hahaha!)

Let's just live for the moment. Because we have to work out the present before we can embrace the future. Peace. 

Double standard is a standard

Somebody asked me, "won't I feel tired after a long day at work?" I guess it really depends on the situation. I mean, if you're asking me to go straight for a second job, my answer is yes. Or if you're telling me to help my mum with groceries, yes, I will be tired, but I'll still do it since I'm a good mommy's boy. 

But... If it's about spending time with someone who is far more important than feeling tired or getting rest, then the answer is no. For that someone, I'm willing to move every single muscle of my damned body, or travel a thousand miles and all these will still feel like it's so god damn worth it.

Why? Because sometimes, for that special someone, everything is worth it.

I Want You to Hear My Heart by Yes’sir Days ft. Fymme Bongkot

My whole heart is tortured every time we’re near

But I can’t tell you the truth, I can only keep it inside

I don’t know when you’ll know my heart

Please look into my eyes, look right there

And you should understand the things you see.

The person you see is completely broken-hearted...

I want you to hear the voice in my heart

Of how much I love you, but I don’t know what to do to get you to listen...

I want you to hear every feeling deep down inside my heart, that I love you,

I love only you, but I don’t know how to say it...

How much longer must I put up with my heart?

There are some words that can’t be hidden, just come and search my heart

And you’ll know how much I love you...

Feb berry blue

"爱是不是不开口才珍贵"

January of 2015 passed in a flash. Another year older, hopefully wiser at the same time.

Don't you wish the weather stays like this for the rest of the year? Gentle sun and cooling nights...

I'm thinking of going on a vacation soon. But I don't know where to go... Friends suggested Bangkok, again. Maybe it's time I go somewhere tranquil by myself. Kind of emo though... My adventurous spirit has long passed... We shall see...

Feel so tired emotionally... I'm probably a 65 years old soul trapped inside a 16 years old body. Or face. Don't think my body passes off as a 16 years old :P

Stepping into a brand new year - 2015

Happy New Year everybody! As a rather typical person, I shall write something to round up the year of 2014. 

2014 had been a year of transition for me, from a student to working adult. Still haven't find "the one", so I guess I should work harder in 2015. Hahaha! Maybe I shouldn't. Since they said that "it" will come along when least expected. Oh well... 

Anyway, I manged to secure my first full time permanent job in 2014. Love the friendly people and fabulous work culture in my department. Real fortunate to be in this company. I am also looking forward to receive the first bonus of my life in the coming months hehehe... 

Secondly, I'm absolutely grateful for the new friendships I made in 2014. Mostly from my workplace, others through friends. Maybe it's fate or affinity, I don't know, but don't you find it amazing when you can just hit it off with certain people? Yeah... Relationships between people are truly hard to figure. It'd also been a great honor to have traveled overseas with some of them. And of course, not forgetting all the good old friends who'd been here all these while. Thank you all!

Lastly, I'd like to wish all my family and friends good health and prosperity in the numerous years to come! Get hitched, make babies and write stories that will last many, many life times! Remember, gaining wealth may be important, but that 1 thing that should come before it is definitely good health! So... Have fun in 2015 y'all!

Merry Christmas 2014!

Merry Christmas everyone! Had a great Christmas gathering last night with my homies at Hotel Jen Orchardgateway (I've been wondering about why is Orchard gateway spelled as a single word). No special theme, dress code, or any fancy stuffs. Just a simple, homely drinking and gift exchange Christmas among good old friends.

Look! A "personalized" homepage
of the TV upon switching it on.

I also had the chance to work on my selfie skill. 

From the East!

From the West!

It was already over 9 pm by the time all of us gathered, kind of late for us to hit the pool... But it's all good cause some of us decided to go later (or earlier in this case) at 6am! Hahaha!

The 6:30am view from their infinity pool on the 19th floor.

The rest is... SOP. Except for the journey to buy Mcdonald's. Nuggets with curry sauce is definitely the best supper anyone can have after a light drinking session.

Few more days to 2015. Make the remaining of 2014 count my friends! And thank you, whoever you are, for bringing joy and fun to me this Merry Christmas! Hohoho! 

A little about life & Krung Thep

Life is such an irony. When I was all comfortable and contended with life about 1 year ago, I really enjoyed playing computer games (Modern Warfare) and hitting the gym, to a point where I find it hard to make time for my loved one & doing the things I love. And now that I have plenty of free time, I don't quite enjoy doing either of the above anymore. You're right, maybe it's me. Yeah, it's probably just me.

Oh, let's talk about my Bangkok trip a little. Was a great trip, had fun bringing my friends around, not that I'm real familiar with BKK, but I've been there 5 times so far, and thrice of those happened this year, so I guess the memories of the place was still fresh. Wish we had more time though... Well, it's always about the company :D 

If y'all plan to go to Talad Rot Fai, or directly translated as Market Train, my advice is to go there at around 7 to 8 pm with an empty (hungry) stomach and venture deep! I had no idea that the place was so huge! Over hundred of street-styled vendors right at the back! Not forgetting all the vintage artifacts which you can take photos with. It's about 20km from Pratunam Night Market or approximately 30 - 40 minutes travel time via taxi, depending on traffic conditions. Definitely a good place to spend the evening.

I found a pretty decent tailor through the recommendation of a friend too. It's called Newman Exclusive, located at Amari Watergate Hotel. Price for formal shirts are competitive, ranging from 750 baht to more premium ones at 3,500 baht. They said that you'll have to order the 3,500 baht ones in advance as they'll have to arrange for the clothes to be shipped from some mystical place. & I said, you mad bro? Ok, I didn't actually said that aloud, just deep within my fragile little heart.

I'm kind of looking forward to the year 2015. Part of it being the bonuses which I'll be receiving (what!? I've been working for 10 months already?!). Another part? Let's just say that I'm always looking forward to the future because it's the unknown that makes life interesting :D 

Geez, I got to stop acting all optimistic... Alright, time to call it a night. Peace!

Falling into the Mundane Life Cycle

After joining the work force for about 10 months, I'm starting to feel it. The rat race effect I'd call it. 5 days work week and the only thing to look forward to is the monthly pay day, followed by the bonuses, pay raises, and the cycle continues... Same shit different day bro.

Geez, I really shouldn't be whining, considering how much I enjoy my working environment, the awesome colleagues and modest benefits which I'm entitled to... Oh well, just going to work hard, grow my pot and harvest the fruits some day in the future. 

In a few days time, I'll be heading to BKK for the third time this year. I must be crazy. Where the hell is my much sought after beach vacation?! Alright, alright, I'll make it happen next year. Anyway, I believe that despite the same location, travelling with a different group of friends will definitely unlock a whole new chest of fun and experiences! 

Time to hit the sack, see y'all soon my friends! 

The Lost Answers

Nobody understands. The void that lives within us. The leaps that we can never find the courage to take. The unrequited love. The feeling of being an option; the feeling of having options. The future we'll never read; the future that may never come. The screams in your mind; the words left unsaid.

A feeling that you might have forgotten

"Anyone can catch your eyes, but it takes someone special to catch your heart."

When was the last time you allowed someone to enter your mind and somehow got them stuck in there for the longest time; from the moment you wake up to the moment you close your eyes. - Even that seems too short.

The image of his face forms naturally when you stare into blank, those bewitching eyes & mischievous smile, forever seem so fascinating no matter how many times you look at them. 

And the mere thought of sighting him among the crowd sets your heart racing. Yes, just the thought.

When will it be my turn?

"Even when you're crying you're beautiful too...

You're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and blues..."

Congratulations to our long time friend S and her husband for tying the knot last Friday. Always happy to attend the weddings of close relatives & friends. 

Despite the countless married couples around, I still find it hard to imagine myself getting married. Maybe it's because I'm still without a partner at the moment. I always believe that there is bound to be someone on this planet who is made solely for us. And I'm going to meet mine someday. Or maybe I've already met her, just that the part where our destinies are to intertwine each other has yet to arrive. 

But marriage is such an huge decision in life! I'd undisputedly rank it the No.1 decision in life if not for the thing called "divorce". & you should have already known, getting married to someone means spending the rest of our life with them, staying faithful and loyal only to them. Showering them with unconditioned love, care, concern and trust.

Oh well... I guess there isn't a need to excessively ponder over these. You'll know if he/she is the right person when the right one comes along. No questions needed. And you'll definitely put all those mentioned above into play. It's hard to put into words, but it's something like he/she is the first person you want to see sleeping next to you when you open your eyes every morning. In short, our heart will tell us if we truly want to grow old with him/her (:

Why am I even writing about this... Must be the haze. It's getting to me... Drink more plain water my dear friends! 2 public holidays in October! The 6th and 22nd! Hoo-ray! 

"O is for the only one I see"

Just returned from Bangkok. Awesome trip! But it was neither the food I ate nor the places I went to that made it great. It was the friendships I found.

Alright, time to snap back to reality. Enough of fun & feeling recharged already. Let's work hard together & make our days count!

"I look right pass them. Because I only have eyes for the one that I adore."

The Fallen One

I realised that I really like to work. It keeps me numb, keeps me occupied. When I'm not at work, I think about life. I think about the future & what awaits me. Is it loneliness? Or will I even make it there? I think about what should I do during my off days, about if I'm ever going to have my own kids. What kind of a person would my wife be, if I actually managed to marry one that is... And I'll constantly be looking for reasons and excuses to keep myself in the comfort zone.

But when I'm at work, all I think about is getting shit done. Making no errors, staying meticulous. I think about the money I'm going to make, about how I'm going to make more money with the money I just made. And followed by how I'm going to spend all these money, which I probably never will because all I do is work and reinvest. Oh well, I don't even make that much in the first place...

Have you ever read a quote saying, "some people are so poor, all they have is money"? Haha, I was thinking that it's probably because these people aren't making good use of their money. And then I think about those who are real poor, who don't even have money. Just absolutely nothing.

The truth is... I fully understand the quote. Which is exactly why I know that I can never truly be happy. Because all I feel is nothingness. I don't feel anything... Just nonchalant about life. Just living.

Why? Maybe it's because I've given up. I've stopped trying. I can neither find an explaination to this feeling nor a reason to not feel this way.

Officially Graduate loh!

So... We'd finally obtained the title of "Graduate". It'd been a long journey hasn't it? All the bitter-sweet moments, like staying back in school, cracking our heads to think of places which are conducive enough for working on the numerous projects, travelling to each others place or estate sometimes... Getting pissed at the leech. And doing silly assignments such as the economics journal or some shit, can't really remember... Looking back, I didn't quite had an exciting & fulfilling university life, did I? Oh yeah, maybe the infrequent nights we spent playing LAN. That was fun. And the Bashes at Zouk. Had only attended it twice, but was definitely epic enough. Oh well, what was I expecting. I guess it was all good. Considering all the friends I'd made. And lost.

Alright, shall post some photos of my convocation from the 25th of August. More to come, these are all that I have at the moment...

My supportive family & I.
I'd be nothing without them.

Part of the clique that made everything possible.

North-side Buddy.
Made University life easier.

I rarely take photo with woman.
But when I do, she's usually an angel in disguise :D

We'd certainly came a long way...

Yup, that's us. 

I don't know if it's just me... But growing up has made posting pictures online kind of uncomfortable, especially on a blog. It sometimes feel like, "why am I sharing all these with people (or rather strangers)?" Then I'd ask myself again, "why not?" Haha... Yes, I'm contradicting like this. 

Sigh... Another day wasted. Got to start making the days count!

Never let the failure of others be a hindrance to our advance. Take these failures as references. Avoid what they did wrong, improvise on the rights & be ready. The rest? Just got to believe that you've got what it takes. Just do it.